Oh fuck, I’ve no excuse not to be part of the PTA

[MoonBaby1]

I’ve used the new baby excuse for as long as possible. He’s almost two so that’s wearing thin. I only work three days a week and it’s flexible around school times.

It’s only a tiny rural school that relies on parent volunteers so I’m just going to have to dive in right?

Hi Carol,,due to my severe halitosis and ringworm flaring up in meetings I have to unfortunately decline your kind offer to join!! However I so appreciaate what you all do for the children My darling husband,Derek,however, has had his cheque book prized open and I hope our donation will help you along with the forthcoming easter fayre...yours faithfully Phyllis....could work OP??!!!!!

There's always one-off jobs to do that I found much easier to fit it. Running stalls on fair days, doing teas and coffees at events, or doing some of the prep work: folding raffle tickets, making pint pots or buying and wrapping lucky dip prizes.

My school used to offer to those who wanted this service that they could make donations instead of doing preparations, so I used to help out with those prep jobs we'd received donations for.

Its a cult! Go along and learn the gossip (true or false).

Nah. Help your childrens school however you can, its for their benefit. If you don't want to join then fine, help in some other way. If its a small rural school then it'll be good for getting to know the other families.

D'you know one of the best - and easiest - ways you could help your PTA, OP?

Stop fuelling this nasty, misogynistic* narrative about what PTAs actually are, and who participates and why, with threads like this.

Just a thought.

Yes, I know male people also participate. In minuscule numbers - and funnily, the tales of power-hungry evil-doing never* feature them

I find (for any voluntary job) it's better to be clear up front about exactly what you will and won't do.

So you could say (for example) that you don't really want to get involved in organising, but you're very happy to help at the school disco. Or that you'd prefer a behind the scenes role, so could wrap presents for Santa's sack at Christmas, but you need to watch your own DC during the actual Christmas fair.

PTAs become onerous exactly because individuals aren't prepared to take on even one small task!

Do you have any idea how much schools are struggling financially?

The same pressure isn't heaped on dads.

I find it's intensely hypocritical, as someone who is both the higher earner, and as the person out of the house for work for (many,many) more hours.

If I wanted another part time job, it wouldn't be helping out the PTA until their guilt trip attitude stops assuming my own existing commitments aren't critical to our family.

If I had a spare ten minutes every day it would be spent staring at the wall in silence doing some quiet meditation where no one needs me or I'm not in work or there's no voice requiring my input etc.

Not helping out the volunteers regularly in school.

Just say no. Some PTAs are bloody awful - mine has a reputation for being very competitive and bitchy. No thanks. I help out at the summer fair and I volunteer in class several hours a week.

It’s heaped on the default parents who are the ones at the school gate who are perceived to have abit of time to give. Usually mothers but dads too.

Our school is flat broke due to border changes they lost some funding g. A group of us had to paint the toilets that’s how bad it’s got. I agree it’s shit but if you are able to help I think you should. Or it’s all on the 5 people with more nagging consciences

If you don’t want to do it, could your DH instead?

Ahhhh, here we are, some of that lovely PTA bashing that we know and love. I mean who gives a flying fuck if schools are now so chronically underfunded that PTA fundraising is essential to cover those 'luxury' items like computers and books. Fuck 'em, eh? It's only our kids' education.

Parents can do plenty to help without having to be part of the PTA @ImaginaryCat

The kids at our school benefit massively from funds the pta raise. I take my hat off to them

I know that @LaLaLandIsNoFun but do we have to accompany it with all the usual bullshit about how evil the PTA is, and how fast someone should run to avoid their clutches?

but I am sure that you are happy for your DD to be if it from the money raised and the things bought for the kids and I am sure you would be the first person to complain if the school wasn’t able to afford those things.

See that in itself makes me feel the guilt and annoyance that all manipulative, passive aggressive communications from our PTA do.

Firstly you absolutely have no idea who would or wouldn’t be first to complain. But if my school couldn’t afford books, I’d blame the government, not some poor person who didn’t have time to be on the PTA or who didn’t want to because the felt intimidated or pissed off by this exact attitude.

Secondly volunteering for a school or community is about helping others. If you are going to give people a hard time for benefiting from it because they didn’t help, it’s not really very community-spirited is it? You might as well just only do things for your own DC because no one else’s DC deserves it because they didn’t help

We supposedly all support and care about people with anxiety, asd, mh issues, caring duties and many other things that can make life hard. But if you find pta pressure offputting, you’re fair game for this kind of manipulative, martyrish attack. THAT is why ptas have the reputation they do.

I have never joined the PTA because I am a massive introvert, a radical feminist and disagree with most other parents on most issues. I would not fit in, I would find meetings very stressful and work and childcare issues also mean I wouldn’t be able to turn up for everything.

But I give money, make cakes, donate my specific skills when needed, and donate educational materials that I have through my business. I am pretty sure The financial value of what I’ve donated is at least equivalent to that of a pta member. But it’s freely given. I wouldn’t say to someone who’s never donated anything “oh well you’re happy for YOUR child to benefit so where’s YOUR contribution?” That would be totally missing the point of giving what you want to and feel able to for everyone’s benefit.

We are supposed to have state-funded education. It is not a failing for anyone to not do anything for their Dc school, whether through lack of time, lack of money, personal issues or just disinclination.

I just don't get the PTA bashing. PTA's exist to support the school usually through fundraising. If you want to support them do. Even a little help makes a difference. However if you don't for whatever reason then don't.

It's simple really.

Exactly, @LadyMadderRose. I just cannot be a part of something where I know there is some toxicity - I have enough of it in my life as it is and it does affect my mental health. My family comes first and I refuse to put myself ever again into positions where I’m exposed to or a part of cliques, gossip and nastiness.

I'd volunteer for events as help, it'll likely be once a month.

God, no. Been there, done that. Full of a certain type of person who actually couldn’t give a flying fuck about funds, they just like being bossy and in charge. Luckily my children have left school now but I shudder at the memory.

@geekone but I am sure that you are happy for your DD to be if it from the money raised and the things bought for the kids and I am sure you would be the first person to complain if the school wasn’t able to afford those things. Not everyone can be on the committee or wants to be, but everyone can help

It's dd choice if she involved and most things she says nope. So no, I don't care if she involved or not. I often say to her just cos it a school thing, don't make it compulsory, especially after school stuff.

Plus I know our school gets grants after grants for many things, tech, sport, farming, arts. Their performing arts center isn't even 8 years old. New tablets, laptops, new kindy, new front office. We a school the local pollies use as a platform to gain support in election times which rightly or wrongly equals donations.

The looks me and dp got just joining the school were enough to put me off and was so glad when dd was ready to catch the bus so no more school gate.
After the behavior I saw at our first sports day, no way will I get involved. Parents openly moving the lines so their kid wins, I wouldn't accept that as a volunteer, I'd speak up and cause outrage amongst that "in" group. There is a clear in group, you see their names on local farming trucks at harvest time.
The pressure the music teacher put on dd when she pulled out of choir at the end of year was horrible. Dd is 9

Speaking as an ex PTA Chair, I'd have far rather a parent offer to do some of the 'back of house' jobs as well as manning the tombola, setting out chairs for quiz night etc than want to just sit on the committee making noises but not actually doing anything.
That, of course, presumes that the PTA has a strong core committee that is happy to do the strategy while supported by a team of volunteers who will pitch up 'on the day'.
So, OP, volunteer your time for events if you can. You don't have to attend the committee meetings.

FWIW, I've made some lovely friends on the PTA. We're not all passive-aggressive monsters with too much time on our hands and an ego to massage. Nor do we get first dibs at front row nativity seats, a hotline to the Head, extra puddings for our DC. We do it because we feel we have the time and skill set to make a small contribution towards the school our DC attend. That doesn't make us better than anyone else, nor does it make us witches.

Offer your time for school discos or make cake you dont have to do anything don't want to though it is fine not to make a regular commitment,

What specifically bothers you about it? Is it the necessary mingling? If so, just have a word with a committee member, offer help with quiet behind the scenes tasks.
Or make an offer of something you do enjoy.

Also an ex PTA chair here, and honestly don't recognise some of the descriptions on here - we weren't a cult or a coven, welcomed new members and ideas. That said, I wouldn't want someone at meetings reluctantly, so certainly don't offer to be on the committee.

We did have half a dozen or so mums who were open about not wanting to be on committee, but made it known they were happy to run the bar, wrap lucky dip, help clear up for an hour after events etc. Was really really useful and I never expected them to do any more. Could you be that person?

Or could you help the school in another way - I still read with the Y1 kids for 90 minutes a week as it's so hard for teachers to get 1 2 1 time with each child.They are so grateful, the kids love the attention and sometimes I can flag up issues to the teacher regarding children's reading progress or lack of. If you did something like that, you would be well within your rights to say you already contribute to the school on a regular basis, so don't have time to do more. If you felt you would enjoy that more - I love it, and still do it even though my kids have left. You almost certainly wouldn't be allowed to work in your childs class and would have to be DBS checked and sign a confidentiality agreement.

I joined the pta. Then I left again. The meetings were tedious beyond belief; it took an hour and a half to decide things that should take ten minutes. They were desperate for help, but turned down any help I offered (including a whole event I volunteered to do myself, with help only on the day: I had a lot of free time just then, and I'm very good at organisation. It was also an event I had volunteered at several times. Not good enough, they wanted 'Mary' to do it, as she'd done so well before. Only Mary had a new job now, so couldn't. The event didn't happen...).

They constantly beg for members, then studiously ignore anyone new at meetings. Ask for new ideas, but reject any, and I mean ANY, that aren't from the core 6. I told the school I was happy to help with anything they needed instead, so I'm still there for all book sales, cake sales, things they need a helper for. Just not through the pta. Never again.