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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Oh fuck, I’ve no excuse not to be part of the PTA

201 replies

MoonBaby1 · 25/02/2020 23:04

I’ve used the new baby excuse for as long as possible. He’s almost two so that’s wearing thin. I only work three days a week and it’s flexible around school times.

It’s only a tiny rural school that relies on parent volunteers so I’m just going to have to dive in right?

OP posts:
Ragwort · 26/02/2020 09:06

Agree with tactum, why do so many PTAs get such a bashing? My DS has been at 4 schools as we moved around, I always joined the PTA, it's such a great way to meet new friends. Still meet up with PTA friends even though our DC are now Uni age. You might find the odd bossy, opinionated person on the committee but you find that everywhere in life.

I think it's very sad that people don't want to get involved in community type events whether it's volunteering for the PTA, Cubs, brownies, sports teams etc. At the same time you get endless threads on Mumsnet saying how hard it is to make friends, perhaps if people got more involved in activities they might make more friends Hmm?

woodencoffeetable · 26/02/2020 09:08

yabu
just not wanting to do it would be enough.

crosspelican · 26/02/2020 09:15

Our school is short about 10k a year, and they hope and pray nothing breaks. If nobody helped out, I honestly don't see how they could retain their teaching staff.

Odoreida · 26/02/2020 09:20

As others have said - don't be on the committee, but help at fairs and stuff, and perhaps if you have a special skill offer that for a one-off event.

bookmum08 · 26/02/2020 09:28

I don't understand some of these comments. People saying they don't want to 'join' the PTA but saying they are happy to help run the cake sale/tidy up after events/wrap pressies for santa/sort donated books or whatever - well if you are doing that you ARE part of the PTA.

dottiedodah · 26/02/2020 09:33

Just say youre sorry but you work 3 days a week ,and need the other days to catch up with house chores /admin and so on(not a lie anyway!)Even if you were home full time ,you are not under any obligation you know ! Most people on our PTA ,when my DC were young were the ones who had to be "involved" in every decision .And even if you joined would never have an equal say with these sort of officious people anyway!

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 26/02/2020 09:33

well if you are doing that you ARE part of the PTA.

even better, by default if your child is at school, you ARE part of the PTA.

Most of the active PTA members in my youngest schools have full-time job too.

People don't seem to complain so much about the PTA when the kids get reduced (or free) excursion, much needed school supplies, and events throughout the year.

EmeraldShamrock · 26/02/2020 09:36

People saying they don't want to 'join' the PTA but saying they are happy to help run the cake sale/tidy up after events/wrap pressies for santa/sort donated books or whatever I think meaning you don't mind helping but don't want to be on the committee. I've nothing to do with PTA though I've helped at events when a letter came out.

Oakmaiden · 26/02/2020 09:37

Of course you have an excuse. "I don't want to."

Unless you secretly don't mind, in which case go for it.

champagneandfromage50 · 26/02/2020 09:40

Being part time doesn't mean you have to be part of the PTA. It's a lot of commitment and I would only do it if you truly wanted to. I was a class rep and that was hard enough

bookmum08 · 26/02/2020 09:44

Emerald how can you say you have had nothing to do with the PTA but have helped at events?
It's comments like these I don't understand.

Mintychoc1 · 26/02/2020 09:45

I hate PTA bashing.
Yes of course there are often some bossy officious people in PTAs, but most of the parents are just trying to raise funds for school.
I'm not bossy. I hate organising things and telling people what to do. I'd honestly rather sit maths A level than organise a school summer fair. But I know that school funding is inadequate, and without PTA funds they simply wouldn't have enough books, chairs etc, never mind trips and fun days.
So I've spent the last 10 years doing the whole lot - fairs, cake sales, tea towels, raffles etc etc - the list is endless.

I work and I'm a single parent, so I'm not exactly awash with spare time.
I don't know why people on MN seem to make a virtue out of doing bugger all to help.

Cheeseontoast4 · 26/02/2020 09:47

You don’t have to be a committee member but I think most families help to some degree either helping at the fete or running a cake stall . Most schools seem to rely on PTA funds to fund some essentials and useful luxuries which your child is benefitting from .

Or if you really hate fund raising make a donation or donate your time ie to read or bake with your child’s class .

Please though don’t think someone else will do it

Didthatreallyhappen2 · 26/02/2020 09:54

I used to enjoy being in the PTA (I'll go and hide under my rock now ….)

hoxtonbabe · 26/02/2020 09:55

@Herja

This is similar to my sons school. I avoided the PTA like the plague at primary but that was because they had more than enough volunteers and it was all very cliquey.

Now at secondary I made a conscious effort to join and apparently they have been struggling to get parents to join for years as most of them don’t give a toss about their child’s education let alone the school itself and raising funds. So last winter they had a meeting where all 6 of us (the school has 1000 pupils) turned up and from
Then onwards it went downhill as the then parent governor wanted to do everything his way and totally changed what we had initially been told by the school staff member that called the meeting, then when I pointed out that it seems a bit unfair to tell us A and then parent governor comes along and wants to do B with no discussion that to me doesn’t seem In the spirit of the PTA especially one that you still need to find members for! In the end the school and then governor just stopped contact with us, and it was all a total waste of time and effort, until a couple weeks ago when the new parent governor ( whom I already disliked as he breached data protection before he was parent governor by using email addresses that he received in error by the school ) decided to email me out of the blue asking If I would like to come to the meeting.. let’s just say he got an earful and I vowed to never join as they said they want a pta but then nothing materialises from it as the acting chair is a law unto himself and not interested in anything but his own interests and ideas.

LadyMadderRose · 26/02/2020 10:03

I don't ever complain about the PTA - I just back away when I get the emotional blackmaily, martyrish mailouts. I also think it's great that there are PTAs that aren't like this, and if I encountered one I'd be much more likely to muck in.

PTA bashing is actually just objecting to the social aspects of some PTAs - the cliquiness, power trips and looking down their nose at people - where it happens, and it often does. It's not bashing the concept of fundraising for the school.

And on threads like this where people come on and are rude about negative PTA experiences, that's because they are their experiences. Then you get the exact PTA types they are talking about coming on with more of the martyr/disapproving attitude, and people react to that.

So much of my experience with PTAs is that the cliquey, holier-than-thou attitude and guilt-tripping is what puts people off. If people didn't act like that, they'd have more helpers involved.

I've also experienced the thing where I've offered to help/made a suggestion and get told no or looked at like I'm a piece of poo on their shoe. It puts people off.

EmeraldShamrock · 26/02/2020 10:04

Emerald how can you say you have had nothing to do with the PTA but have helped at events? I've no input in deciding, I don't organise events, I've never been to a meeting, around each term class Teacher give a note ask 1 parent of each class to help sell tickets at the event. Or when the PTA organises the school grounds tidy up day, parent's offer their help turn up and lift litter.

Waspnest · 26/02/2020 10:07

I don't understand some of these comments. People saying they don't want to 'join' the PTA but saying they are happy to help run the cake sale/tidy up after events/wrap pressies for santa/sort donated books or whatever - well if you are doing that you ARE part of the PTA.

Exactly. At DD's old primary school parents were told that they were automatically a member of the PTA, the committee attended every meeting and everyone else could turn up as and when they wanted to. In reality it meant mostly the same people. If volunteers were needed an email would be sent out, so I used to offer to do refreshments at most events. Our PTA used to also run sports day, man the start and finish lines, award stickers, add up points etc. and really struggled to recruit enough helpers, parents would say 'oh but I want to just watch my child, catch up with friends' etc and then moan on Facebook about some organisational glitch.

I don't know why PTAs have such a reputation on MN. I've never met these rare power-crazy mums, all of the PTA committee members I knew had gone along just to help a bit, ended up on the committee almost by accident and were quite happy to leave when their children moved on.

But no OP, you don't have to join, if you're that against the idea I doubt you'd be an asset.

OhCaptain · 26/02/2020 10:08

I did PTA duties for a school year. Utter thankless shite.

I’d much rather the school just ask me for an extra €100 on the school bill or something.

Far better to throw money at the problem than pretend to enjoy any “events” 😂

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 26/02/2020 10:10

I’d much rather the school just ask me for an extra €100 on the school bill or something.

but by experience, most people don't pay voluntary contributions. A lot more money is raised through events than by asking parents direct.

Add the events that the kids truly enjoy, that's why the PTA has to organise so many things.

OhCaptain · 26/02/2020 10:13

I think they should at least give the option!

Here (I’m in Ireland) we pay for uniform, books etc. Then we get a bill for extras, photocopying, art supplies etc.

So I’d love a wee box that said “tick here if you want to give us more money so you don’t have to endure any of our PTA crap”!

I’d genuinely love it!

magicmallow · 26/02/2020 10:15

Don't do it if you don't want to!

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 26/02/2020 10:23

So I’d love a wee box that said “tick here if you want to give us more money so you don’t have to endure any of our PTA crap”!
you could always suggest it Grin

a simple tick "voluntary contribution" without reference to the PTA crap would work too!

But I guarantee you that the school would receive complaints about it...

user1494050295 · 26/02/2020 10:25

Errrrr dads too. Sick of this shit. I help ad hoc at our summer and Christmas fair but that’s it.

OhCaptain · 26/02/2020 10:33

But I guarantee you that the school would receive complaints about it...

No doubt! And the poor teachers would probably get the brunt.

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