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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Oh fuck, I’ve no excuse not to be part of the PTA

201 replies

MoonBaby1 · 25/02/2020 23:04

I’ve used the new baby excuse for as long as possible. He’s almost two so that’s wearing thin. I only work three days a week and it’s flexible around school times.

It’s only a tiny rural school that relies on parent volunteers so I’m just going to have to dive in right?

OP posts:
Bluerussian · 26/02/2020 06:02

Don't do it if you don't want to, it's not obligatory. It may be a small school but not every parent will be involved so you won't be the only one. I never did, would have hated it but always made cakes and suchlike when asked and donated, etc. That was quite sufficient.

toomuchtooold · 26/02/2020 06:09

"No, sorry." Big smile. Don't say anything else. Sure it feels awkward, bit not as awkward as having to do the bloody PTA.

I would rather just give the school the money. It's the parents by and large who end up buying all the cake and whatever anyway. I'd rather just eat my own cake and chuck them the 20 quid.

Iamclearlyamug · 26/02/2020 06:14

I'm happy to support DDs school (also small and rural) by attending all their fairs and events and spending plenty of money at them

However hell would literally freeze over before I got involved with the PTS and organising. Nope, would rather eat my own liver with chopsticks.

Terrible mother and horrible person here ☝️😂

BillywilliamV · 26/02/2020 06:15

Christ, it’s the PTA not the Nazi Party. Your child’s school, your child benefits!
If every parent gave a few hours every school year, then the whole burden wouldn’t fall on a couple of parents who have to go cap in hand to the rest of the school every time they try to organise something; consequently being made to look like nuisances/ fanatics/ whatever!
Presumably you want the benefits that the PTFA brings to the school, why not put a bit of work in to get them?

Iamclearlyamug · 26/02/2020 06:15

PTA obviously - effing autocorrect

BillywilliamV · 26/02/2020 06:17

And chucking a bit of cash/ a few cakes is not the point!

1066vegan · 26/02/2020 06:18

You don't need a huge number of people to run a PTA, but those people can't be effective unless there a lot of parents who are willing to volunteer to help at the events that they run. If you want your children to benefit from the money that the PTA raise but don't like committees then just make sure you're willing to help out at the school disco, run a stall at the Christmas fair or summer fete or whatever else they organise. People who are willing to come a bit early to help set up or stay at then end to clear up are always really appreciated.

Sparklingbrook · 26/02/2020 06:33

I have mixed feelings due to past experiences.

I was asked to be part of the 'Friends' of the school and said I didn't want a particular role but would help with preparation for fetes etc and Christmas stuff. Fine.

Next thing I know I am told I have to be treasurer as 'there is nobody else' and they wouldn't take no for an answer. I never agreed to it, and worried about it for days before I finally did say no and withdrew from the Friends altogether.

BillywilliamV · 26/02/2020 06:34

Which is the kind of stuff that gives PTAs their reputation..

Bluntness100 · 26/02/2020 06:35

I don’t really know why you need an excuse. Just say no, not my scene, It’s totally fine.

If you need to give an excuse because you can’t bring yourself to be honest, just say you can’t due to child care and appts etc that you’d be too unreliable.

It’s not a big deal

Sparklingbrook · 26/02/2020 06:40

I think people feel they need an excuse as the PTA/Friends can be very pushy.
A lot of the Friends Committee at the DC's first school had jobs and younger DC so the pressure was on.

Oblomov20 · 26/02/2020 06:53

I can't think of anything worse.
I just say no. It really is that easy.

TheNavigator · 26/02/2020 06:55

Why on earth would you think the PTA is compulsory? This is an odd thread. You are an adult, don't volunteer for something if you don't fancy it. I am sure there are plenty of other ways for you to occupy any free time, if you wish.

Thehop · 26/02/2020 06:56

“I feel like I should, but there are personal reasons o can’t go into yet that mean it just would be impossible right now. I’m so sorry.”

“I can’t commit to the PTA but can give you an hour to clean up after sports day and I’ll do odd events through the year when I can”

“I’ve decided to do a OU course so don’t have the time right now I’m afraid”

SnowyPetals · 26/02/2020 06:57

I have done lots of volunteering over the years, and I think the key to success all round is having boundaries. It's fine if you don't want to be on the PTA, you can still help out at the events themselves. I had a period of time when all my children were at the same primary school, do I designated that as my main school volunteering time, where I was class rep, PTA, etc. I then stepped back a bit once the first was at secondary school, but had to be clear about what I could and couldn't commit to.

ItWentInMyEye · 26/02/2020 06:59

I don't think people appreciate how much effort goes into PTA events. I certainly didn't until I joined ours. I also don't think people appreciate the amount raised for schools by them. I had no idea how much some schools rely on PTA funds for basic things such as books and classroom equipment. That being said, don't join if you don't want to. I'm part of ours because if we all said no then the kids would lose out.

Scunnnnnered · 26/02/2020 06:59

I wouldn’t do PTA even if they were on their knees. Fuck that

Splodgetastic · 26/02/2020 07:03

Agree with donate money. After all, that’s all these pointless things exist for and I’m sure if everyone donated instead of giving time to organise a cake sale to raise £39 it would be more beneficial.

Goatinthegarden · 26/02/2020 07:03

The PTA brings ridiculous amounts of money to my school, that we otherwise wouldn’t have. As a teacher, I don’t get involved in any politics with parents on the PTA, but they seem to get on well.

Obvs, I have little choice but to help at all the events, but it’s not the most painful thing in the world - think of your particular skill and volunteer it. It doesn’t have to be about events or social things, we have artists who make things to sell or design posters, people who garden or paint in the playground, people who tidy the library (that’s a job you can do in complete peace and quiet for half an hour a week!). We have someone we never see, who sits at home and applies for grants from various organisations - they’re amazing!

Each little job makes a massive difference.

Splodgetastic · 26/02/2020 07:05

Also I can see why no one would want to be treasurer. I’d never take on liability for things going wrong for no payment, at least not with D&O insurance.

geekone · 26/02/2020 07:06

@squeekums but I am sure that you are happy for your DD to be if it from the money raised and the things bought for the kids and I am sure you would be the first person to complain if the school wasn’t able to afford those things. Not everyone can be on the committee or wants to be, but everyone can help.
OP just let them know you can’t turn up to meetings but if they have jobs they need that you can help with to just ask. There is something for everyone, be it label raffles, price cakes or help at the disco. It depends on your skills and confidence.
There is no rule that says you need to join but as it is for your kids too, it’s nice to at least be a volunteer.

SwearyMcSwearySwear · 26/02/2020 07:06

I refused and will keep refusing! But I do help out at actual events which is more than enough I reckon

FamilyOfAliens · 26/02/2020 07:10

Can’t you just offer to help out at occasional events if you’re so totally opposed to helping raise money for your children’s school?

Just imagine how much easier it would be for the PTA if everyone just did one small thing, rather than leaving all the work to a few individuals (and then whingeing because those individuals are given front-row seats at the Christmas production ... )

LakieLady · 26/02/2020 07:12

Just say no, and if anyone is crass enough to push you for a reason, just say "It's personal" and leave it like that.

Or, if you prefer, you could give the reason I gave to someone who hassled me to do a street collection for charity: I don't want to.

NoveltyFunsy · 26/02/2020 07:13

It's amazing how many call for help notes dd bag eats....

So the school is sending many calls for help, and you ignore them

There is not enough funding for schools, and they need help from parents to make the school better

If you are helping the community in another way, then fine, but it's really unfair to let a few parents try and get so much more done

Its like the scouts, or brownies that just dont have enough people to step up, but are happy to drop their children off