What do the cloth addicts/babywearers/BLWers etc do when their kids get older???

[BabyofMine]

Having a small child I’m fascinated by how obsessed certain parents (ok, honestly it’s mostly mothers) get with certain aspects of parenting. To a crazy amazing degree. So far I’ve noticed the complete fanaticism with:

Cloth nappies
Baby wearing
Breastfeeding
Baby led weaning
Wooden/open ended toys
Certain brands of children’s clothes (Scandinavia/ethical brands)
Prams (having so many and getting new ones all the time)
Car seat safety (rear facing, some people I know seem to know every seat on the market!)

I can’t believe how obsessed some are with the above! Just to clarify I have an interest in most of the above and think there’s nothing wrong with any of the above! I just wonder, if you have older children, do you know anyone who was fanatical with any of the above (or were you yourself)? And if so what do they/you DO with themselves now those things aren’t important?! It just seems an all encompassing part of some of my friends/acquaintances lives I can’t imagine what they will do when our children get older!!

Especially wonder about the “cloth bumming” mums when their children toilet train!!!

Cloth bumming, BF, BLW, baby wearing fan here! My son will be ERF until 4 minimum but his seat in my car and his low weight centile mean he can RF until 6 as it's safer that's what we will do. And we wear "barefoot" shoes too! Also gluten free (because I'm coeliac) - am I fanatical, sure to some extent!

They bore everyone they work with by constantly wittering on about how Bear, Ashmolean and Isold never watch TV, asked to do Veganuary and had read Harry Potter when they were 4. They don't notice the rest of us killing ourselves laughing as we know they are really addicted to iPhones and have nuggets and Nesquick at parties.

What a lovely judgemental post, OP. Regarding car seat safety, it really pisses me off that parents who choose to use extended rear facing are seen as "obsessed". And older kids in booster seats as mentioned by another poster. How dare parents want their kids to travel in the safest possible way, eh? Fuckers.

Have more kids, helicopter parenting and severe educating. Often giving them quirky haircuts matching the parentS and nurturing their rebellious fashion sense.

Can't comment on cars, or car seats. We've always used semi rural public transport (buses/trains or taxis!)

Went back to work and started obsessing over my career instead.

Parents continue to judge away at other parents who do,t conform to your tribe and make stereotypical assumptions which may or may not be based on truth. I am a bit crunchy but in otherways I am very middle-class conformist.. Judge away.

Screen time, second guessing the teacher, arranging regular playdates, monitor waiting lists for extracurricular activities, the PTA...

Post in the university Facebook group about how they have been sobbing all summer at the thought of their child going away to university.

Other posters then tell them very tactfully to get a grip.

Bit of a weird question isn't it? People at a certain stage of life are naturally interested in things that are associated with that stage.

If someone was spending a lot of time planning their wedding, would you be concerned that their life would be empty after the wedding?

If someone spent a lot of time studying for exams, would you question "but what on earth will you do after university is finished?"

If someone came home after a gap year, would you think "they won't have anything to do or think about now they aren't travelling".

No - in all cases the person would naturally get on with other things.

Live and let live. ( As long as they are not abusive or neglectful)
I don't care what they put in their babies mouths, on their bums or how they carry them. I let most things go over my head, even if anyone might seem smug/ boastful / obsessive. Who cares.

1300cakes your wedding point is interesting. I actually think that some people do feel a little flat after spending several months planning an elaborate wedding.

I bloody love slings. I have 4. I'm a childminder so they are amazingly practical. Toddlers want to play and baby is fussy, pop baby in a sling. Out for a walk and little legs are tired, pop them in a sling.

I also love cloth nappies and wipes. Brilliant things. I'm a total convert. The lower waste is brilliant.

Wooden and open ended toys, I adore. Watching the children make their own world's with these things is amazing. They help development across the board.

Baby led weaning is brilliant, especially for the dog! Saves on me shoveling food in and the dog gets dinner at the same time.

I'm a big advocate of attachment parenting/minding. Being very responsive to children etc. What do I do now my daughter is older and the smalls are borrowed? Mostly drink gin, go for a nice run and poo in peace.

I kind of see where you are coming from.

I did all these things (except the prams and expensive Scandinavian clothes), but I didn’t ever feel it was about me being a specific type of (crunchy, hippy) mum. If anything, that association put me off a bit to start with.

So when they stopped BFing (at 3 and 4 yrs old), toilet trained, got too big for a sling (last carried on holiday aged 3yrs) and were ready to stop cosleeping (aged 4 and 7 yrs) I was happy to sell the cloth nappies, sell the slings etc and resume a fairly normal life. I don’t homeschool, not veggie, etc. And was really happy to get some freedom back!

I know these sort of mums...the ones I know are generally highly educated and don't work.
They are the type of woman who obsessed about their weddings and planned every detail right down the the loo roll in the venue.

They must pity me in the real world working hard to keep my head above water, I have a mixture of envy & pity towards them for the comfortable gilt cage they live in.

Harassing teachers via dojo

This made me laugh .

I can tell one parent at my DC’s school was probably obsessed with cloth nappies and such when her two DD’s were small. She is definitely on the PTA and she has quite an unhealthy interest in her DC’s school life. She’s the Mum who goes on the school trips and her child is always the one in the fanciest costume on book day that she probably spent hours making.

Actually I think these type of parents end up being less helicopter types...they generally like their dc to run free out of their sight and think dangerous activities help their dc to grow and develop. I was friends with a very hippy type mum...I remember bumping into her in the park and asking where her dc was...oh somewhere. He was off playing in park but no idea where...we're talking under 5 years old here. I nearly had a heart attack. Mine were never out of my sight.

To be fair, people obsess over all kinds of things - parenting methods are only one example. Work, money, diets, appearance, fashion, hobbies of all different sorts - many of which look bizarre and OTT to anyone that doesn’t share that interest.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that well-educated, middle-class mums get very into some of the things in your list. For me, I didn’t have a lot of experience with children or babies, and becoming a mum totally blew a hole in my career, and all my fancy qualifications counted for squat all when faced with a screaming baby. I flailed around looking for something concrete to latch onto, maybe I wanted to define what kind of mum I was - because my old identity as a highly-educated professional had gone! I did my research (lots of research!) and it told me that bfing, cosleeping, baby-wearing, gentle discipline were all great for my child, so I went with that and I didn’t have to worry about whether I was doing the “right” thing any more. Plus I could then seek out likeminded new friends - I do have plenty of friends who ff, etc but the closest mum friends I have, shared my occasional moans re. extended bfing, cosleeping for years, etc. They supported me and helped me feel good about the choices I’d made in the whirlwind of becoming a mum.

Anyhoo, for me it has pretty much all passed and although I’m not the same person I was before children, I’m not that different in terms of lifestyle choices. I found my tribe when I needed it, and now that I don’t I’ve kept the bits that work and let the rest go.

I did all of that apart from the prams!
Now my ds10 watches YouTube, thinks crisps are a food group and rolls his eyes when I tell him do anything.

I am one of those mothers.

I have lots of enthusiam for many things in my life.
As my children grew I set up a local playgroup, qualified as a breastfeeding counsellor, ran support groups, then started a business from home, became a school governor.
My youngest is 19, and I still run a full time successful business from home- with similar enthusiasm.

Steiner schools and woodland based nurseries!

@SweetpeaOrMarigold pah... you described my DS there too

It's definitely a thing for older, well educated, middle-class mums.

I think because they have waited longer to have children, they've really made a very conscious choice to have children and their peers are often childfree...they see having children as an exceptional thing to do...whereas many working class, younger mums see having children as inevitable and complete unremarkable. Therefore they overthink the whole thing and end up verging on fanatical over many aspects of parenting.

I lived in a very diverse area when dc1 was born and met many different mums at baby groups. Overwhelmingly the middle class mums made having a baby seem a far bigger palaver than it had to be.

they see having children as an exceptional thing to do..

Yes, this was me! I was 36 when my first was born, 39 with my second. My sister doesn’t have any, the majority of my cousins are child free, DHs sister only has one - and she too was late 30s. Plus we’d moved far away from family by then, due to work / careers. So I was very alone, and adopting a pretty niche parenting style (less so now) gave me something - an identity, a project, whatever - to shape my new life around.