What do the cloth addicts/babywearers/BLWers etc do when their kids get older???

[BabyofMine]

Having a small child I’m fascinated by how obsessed certain parents (ok, honestly it’s mostly mothers) get with certain aspects of parenting. To a crazy amazing degree. So far I’ve noticed the complete fanaticism with:

Cloth nappies
Baby wearing
Breastfeeding
Baby led weaning
Wooden/open ended toys
Certain brands of children’s clothes (Scandinavia/ethical brands)
Prams (having so many and getting new ones all the time)
Car seat safety (rear facing, some people I know seem to know every seat on the market!)

I can’t believe how obsessed some are with the above! Just to clarify I have an interest in most of the above and think there’s nothing wrong with any of the above! I just wonder, if you have older children, do you know anyone who was fanatical with any of the above (or were you yourself)? And if so what do they/you DO with themselves now those things aren’t important?! It just seems an all encompassing part of some of my friends/acquaintances lives I can’t imagine what they will do when our children get older!!

Especially wonder about the “cloth bumming” mums when their children toilet train!!!

I think a lot of these mums have anxiety because of this and because females are conditions to care too much

I tend to agree. I know two mothers who were imo overly obsessed with all this stuff. As in no other topic of conversation, which drove others away and isolated them. They moved on to Unconditional Parenting techniques, home educating then eventually breakdowns and divorces due to the sheer pressure they put on themselves. Both had husbands who didn't get overly involved in deciding how to parent, worked long hours and let the mums get on with it however they thought was best. One ended up putting her kids in boarding school at age 7 and 10 as she couldn't cope due to spiralling depression and anxiety. The other had a breakdown when her kids became very challenging teenagers, unused to being told no, thinking the universe revolved round them and utterly unappreciative of all the sacrifice their mother made for them. They were awful to her.

Don't get me wrong, I myself have done extended bf, used slings (but also prams when it suited better), coslept with one child (it was that or get up 10x a night for years on end, no thanks), cloth nappies with DC1 and so on. But I didn't define myself as 'a cosleeper', a 'babywearer' or feel like I was letting my kids down if I did the opposite of those things sometimes.

Purity spiral describes it perfectly.

Actually there's one of 'these' parents at DS2's school. She hijacked a PHSE parents meeting recently to rant on and on about school shouldn't tell kids about disposable sanitary items and should be promoting pretty washable pads and moon cups. This is 10yo girls who are mostly terrified of the whole idea of periods full stop. Also nothing to do with the subject of the meeting!

itsonlysubterfuge
I see your point, but I'm not sure it works in reverse because of all the people I know who did sleep training, routines, weaning with puree and so on never spoke about their parenting choices like it formed their identity. They were just parenting choices that worked for them.

That sounds about right @lolasmiles. I used Pampers, FF and weaned using Hipp Organic. We used CC very effectively with both DCs and I had quite an impressive array of buggies. My identity was already very firmly established long before I became a parent, so it never occurred to me to equate my sense of self with how I fed or transported my children.

peaceanddove
Whereas I love my slings, breastfeed, and have cloth nappies, but like you it's not my identity as a parent. They are things that naturally follow out of other values and outlook that I had pre-children and convenience because I'm too lazy to pack a pram and make bottles shhh.

The people I know who are quite outdoorsy families tend to have slings, breastfeed, enjoy forest school etc also tend to be into consuming less, recycling and cloth nappies as part of a general family ethos. They don't seem to buy into the crazy "ethical consumerist" tribe where everyone makes themselves feel better by spending £299 on 3 toddler outfits on BabiPur or hundreds on Grimm's toys to have open ended play because their children have enough clothes that are worn until they don't fit and their whole lifestyle involves open ended learning and discovery.

The expensive ethical parenting marketing is really quite clever because it's convinced people with the money to burn and the need to feel like they have an identity in a mummy tribe that they're somehow doing a good deed by buying 48 nappies in limited edition prints.

Great points, @LolaSmiles. There is a lot of money to be made in selling things to people who want to be green but still want to buy stuff/spend lots. I did some of the above but partly because it was cheap! (Eg BF, using 2nd hand slings rather than buying a pram). As a younger and not very well off new mum I didn't feel I fit within the "cloth bum" and sling communities but that might just have been my insecurities.

Purity spiral describes it perfectly.

It does, doesn’t it @Roomba? I’m so glad to finally have a term that describes something I’ve known about for years.

It’s so insidious. You can’t be an attachment parent (or insert whatever counterculture parenting movement you’ve decided you’re going to adopt) unless you breastfeed. And you have to co-sleep too. Baby wearing is a must - you can’t have a buggy. Oh, and don’t forget the cloth nappies! Sorry, “cloth bumming”. Your child must be dressed in a way that signals how alternative you are. Supermarket basic clothes? Ew. Ditto noisy plastic toys. Here’s an article about wooden toys and the Montessori philosophy. You MUST do BLW, and that means no spoons ever. Giving your baby yoghurt will cause carnage but hey, that’s just how they learn, and so what if the cleaning the mess and mid afternoon bath takes an hour, your baby is worth it... right?

The rear facing car seat thing is a weird one. I genuinely saw it listed in someone’s social media bio once, along with all of their other parenting philosophies. There’s no way it wasn’t supposed to be some sort of “superior parent” bat signal.

Overwhelmingly the middle class mums made having a baby seem a far bigger palaver than it had to be.

Overwhelmingly, a certain sort of middle-class people make almost everything a far bigger palaver than it has to be. It must be very tiring

Do people really say the term ‘cloth bumming’ with a straight face ?

Jesus 😂

Do people really say the term ‘cloth bumming’ with a straight face ?
Yes they do. Often by people who use 'to boob' as a verb.

I've taken to using it in jest with DH and there's a part of me worried that it might slip out in normal conversation.

@lolasmiles I can only imagine these people have a more BBC/Southern/RP type accent as I’m in the north west and if anyone tried to say ‘Am boobin ma baybeh’ it would sound absolutely ridiculous 😂

images.app.goo.gl/quSq2itEqZ6Bnu429

Chillicheese123
Imagine a more polished, middle class version of a regional accent.
See also boob monster / milky cuddles and so on.

It's just another way of creating a group identity really, but to outsiders it sounds very silly.

I think my dh would appreciate the term boob monster ... ffs 😂😂

Just wanted to post OP that oh I so know the type your posting about. :D

Actually, think I would be becoming one if I weren't going back to work.

Thank god.

I agree with OP to a degree as I follow certain scandi/eco toy hangout Facebook page and cloth nappy pages, and there are certainly people who meet OP scathing description, but there are also many more who enjoy these things sensibly. So going through the original list...

Cloth nappies, we cloth nappied, used disposables when it was easier to (holidays, night time for a month or so at the start) bought second hand, never got into the pattern obsession, my logic was that dd mostly had clothes on over the top so you can't see the nappy anyway. Have had no issues selling the plan, discoloured or faded wraps on, so clearly there are many other parents with the same view.

Baby wearing - tried a few options as our needs changed. Mostly stuck with the ergo I bought first of all, even though other carriers may have worked better, but you learn as you go along, and we managed with it.

Breastfeeding -still going at 2 years old, it's my dd who is obsessed with breastfeeding not me!!

Baby led weaning - was great fun.

Wooden/open ended toys - would love to have a gorgeous collection of wooden toys, but instead I have a dog who is an arsehole, the two things are incompatible!

Certain brands of children’s clothes (Scandinavia/ethical brands) - almost all second hand and very much a capsule wardrobe. they last well and look cute.

Prams (having so many and getting new ones all the time) - wish I'd just bought an out n about nipper when pregnant and had it from the start, but I really didn't have a clue. The umbrella fold stroller given to us my DM ndn has been invaluable too (and lent out to other parents going on holiday).

Car seat safety (rear facing, some people I know seem to know every seat on the market!) - this is something every parent should be obsessed with and knowledgeable about, I'm an experienced paramedic and I've struggled to find the right information and buy the right seat. We have a joie every stage which rear faces until 4, but I now want to get one that rear faces to 25kg. They really do save lives, and the law needs changing to make them compulsory for much longer.

I'm on some of the Scandi clothing FB groups, mostly because I'm from Scandinavia.

Anyway, what gets to me is the amount of £££ some mums spend on these clothes and often it's money they really don't have as there's a lot of talk about payment plans and needing the "de-stash" to raise a few quid etc.

Someone this morning was selling really worn dungarees (fabric all faded and in awful condition and some holes) for £40. Apparently a rare print. Feel a bit sad for these people.....

Anyway, what gets to me is the amount of £££ some mums spend on these clothes and often it's money they really don't have as there's a lot of talk about payment plans

How ridiculous...I'd want to tell them to buy their kids a multi pack of t-shirts from the supermarket and save themselves the money...like a pp said, once they're older they'll be kitted out in sports direct anyway with not a natural fibre in sight

Certain brands of children’s clothes (Scandinavia/ethical brands) - almost all second hand and very much a capsule wardrobe

Capsule wardrobes for babies and young children...hilarious!

Baby led weaning - was great fun

We must have very different views as to what constitutes 'fun'

@apples24 I agree with you about the money people spend on clothes and toys, when they cant afford it. I think it is a bit irresponsible of frugi to offer payment plans - IMO payment plans should be for essentials that you can only afford to pay monthly, like a car or in some cases furniture. Not kids clothes

RhymingRabbit, totally agree. But, alas, even the ethical businesses are businesses. How surprising... It's all clever marketing and the second hand side of it also gets people almost caught up in a crowd hysteria creating bidding wars.

I am on of those parents, but mainly accidentally.

Extended breastfeeding - check. Too lazy to stop.
Baby wearing - check. I live in a flat without a lift so it's much more convenient.
Cloth nappies - check. They were the only thing that could contain my DDs explosive poos.
Wooden toys - ok you got me there, I have no excuse for those.
Expensive organic clothing - check. DD is prone to eczema/rashes and this seems to work wonders.
Rear facing - check. But this one is logical.

I do however see exactly the parent that you describe in online groups. The one that always makes me laugh are the Frugi obsessed that collect the tags so they can make games of matching pairs with them .

I didn't manage to BF for long, I didn't do BLW but I did use a sling, I had a couple of different prams, I am VERY interested in car seat safety. I prefer wooden toys to plastic.
What I'm not concerned with....what other parents do with their kids as long as said kids are clean, fed and nurtured. Why are you so concerned with what other parents are doing or spending their money on?