To think most women tolerate sex to keep their relationships

[penelopepitstopsgain]

I don't doubt there are many women, who enjoy the physical side of their relationships but I've spoken to so many who would rather just have a cuddle and a good book but submit, for want of a better word, to their partner for fear they'll stray or see it as their obligation- even I find that sometimes I really can't be bothered and lie to my partner that its my time of the month just to get some peace. I can see as I get older that I'd rather just have a companion rather than the constant pressure of sex - so am I alone in thinking this or just incredibly cynical or even possibly asexual? Vote
Yes = You're cynical
No = I can relate

Women often just get bored quicker than men. Give them a new partner and watch their libido come surging back.

Personally, I love sex.

Yabu. 'Most women' is a massive generalisation and everyone is different imo.

*Yabu

Such an outdated view that women dislike sex and just do it to keep men happy.

Dated and sexist*

Well said! That's the sort of shit my mum used to come out with.

You are not alone! I think love is so much more important than sex and both don't need to go hand in hand. The best thing you can do is communicate with your partner - TV and movies put so many unrealistic expectations and standards on sex it's fine to not have it every night!

@VeniceQueen2004 we have definitely had periods where the frequency has dropped. I am incredibly lucky that my husband takes on his fair share so he is equally as knackered. I have had issues with my hormones too (ovarian cyst) where I didn't feel up for energetic sex. We would watch films, and cuddle whilst having sex. I didn't have the desire for just sex at those times but the closeness.

I think it is much worse for the person not wanting sex. People seem to make excuses for men, having sex isn't a need it is a want. I was single for years and didn't have any, I managed. Same with my husband. I would always need the intimacy but as much as I enjoy sex it wouldn't be a deal breaker, we could work around it. I would feel dreadful to think that my partner didn't want to have sex with me but felt obligated.

I'm so sad reading about long term happy relationships with good sex. Not for the people involved! But for myself.

I've never had a very competent lover Xh who I was with for 17 years didn't like it very much and was terrible at it.

Whereas I love sex and I'd have it every day if I could. But it's too important to me to do it with some random guy I've met online.

Argh.

@DingleberryRose

Additionally, there is still a huge orgasm gap too. Imagine if men only came 64% of the time (which is the statistic for women). There’d be outrage and a lot of sulking no doubt.

You're looking at it the wrong way. I would say that men don't moan because, in the main, they are better at women at getting what they want in bed. The answer would be for women to be more like men.

Where did the 64% statistic come from and how could it possibly be accurate or mean anything? Orgasms are something so personal and private. I'm genuinely curious. I definitely didn't fill in a survey!

I love DH, but I couldn't tell you the last time we had sex. Its been a while we've both hot caught up in "life" which means that we've not really focused on "us".

I'm expecting relations to resume imminently

My self esteem would be on the floor if my husband didn't want to have sex with me

I imagine the feeling is mutual. Imagine how it feels to be rejected
Only takes ten minutes and it feels good

Be close to your partner

But no you're not wrong in what you think
I have sex more then any of my friends
They can't be bothered
We are all in our late twenties

FizzyIce which pill was it?

I always wonder what the actual statistic for being asexual is.I have come across a number of people who say they would be happy to do without any type of sexual activity but feel abnormal saying so.
In a survey I saw recently, from a Christian organisation in the USA, it was stated that in long-term heterosexual relationships, just under 30% of women had the higher sex drive.
Personally I found the years of rearing babies/toddlers did make me less interested in sex, and my DH could not be more hands-on regarding childcare and input into the home chores etc.When I read on MN about lack of sexual activity at that stage, I would love to advise riding out that phase because, for me anyway, our sex life returned with a vengeance when I was no longer ‘touched-out’ and that continues to be the case.

Been with dh for 20 years nearly and sex is still very important for us. It never really went downhill for us when we had young children. We both have a fairly high sex drive though and we mix it up a fair amount. The same thing twice a week for 20 years wouldn't be great for either of us. Our sex life keeps improving as we get to know each other better and better. I think lack of sex in a relationship is damaging unless both people dont want it - and at that point arent you more companions thar anything else?

About sex not happening because men don't do dishes etc.

Somewhere out there on the Internet is a survey that showed that the relationships with the highest sexual function were ones with a traditional gender divide, ie, men working, women childcaring, and the man in charge of the family overall. NB: I said sexual function, which basically means quantity rather than quality. The rather depressing suggestion seems to be that the relationships with the most sex were indeed ones where the woman lay back and thought of England. It is like what @SonjaMorgan said rather pithily up the thread: "It is sad to think of women scheduling in servicing their partners with the enthusiasm of doing chores such as deep cleaning the oven." But actually, until recently, wasn't that basically what sex in marriage was? So much to the extent that rape in marriage was legal? And isn't it probably true that a huge number of men - but not many women - are happy with a quick five-minute screw, ie, their needs are much simpler?

So perhaps the dishes or other domestic chores are irrelevant.

I think the elephant in the room these days is that we are just creatures like any other and hormones rule. There is always the exception to the rule, but women naturally become less interested in sex as they hit the menopause because nature makes it so - because nature says they are too old to carry a child - because they might die before said child reaches adulthood. All very simple really.

Men, on the other hand, remain interested in sex for a far longer term (again, there are exceptions of course) because they are not the ones doing the hard work of child-rearing so nature does not need to lessen their interest in creating new children as they get older because it doesn't matter how decrepit they become.

Yes, as the media keeps telling us over 50s, we 'can' still have a happy and fulfilling sex life, but the question is, do we actually have the urge to?

So yes, I'd say a lot of women, particularly older women, are doing the time-honoured thing of lying back and thinking of whatever country they prefer.

I am going through peri menopause. During this time your hormones go a bit all over the place. From talking to lots of women a few have a much higher libido through this time, but a lot have a big reduction in libido. One woman I know who had a much younger boyfriend and loved sex, said at peri menopuase her libido just fell off the cliff and went to zero.

I'm expecting relations to resume imminently

Good for you @lachy

@firstimemamma

I first read about it in the Guardian: article here.

from the article: While 95% of heterosexual men reported that they usually or always orgasmed during sexually intimate moments, just 65% of heterosexual women did. By contrast, the figure was 89% for gay men, 86% for lesbian women, 88% for bisexual men and 66% for bisexual women.

So heterosexual women were bottom of the list.

However, missing in these discussion is that gay men were the highest, and I think that's significant too - men are better or find it easier to get off.

That I could see a long term future with him. I guess the hope is that both partners have similar needs then everyone is happy. X

I think it is very sad that some women are having sex to keep the peace.

I’ve had a few relationships now and some experience, and now think that this is probably because the men that they are with are not satisfying them sexually.

I have had a marriage where I ended up having sex to keep the peace, as my DH would get in a total huff if he didn’t ‘get it’. He watched porn. He complained I didn’t give enough blow jobs. Sometimes the sex was good. Sometimes I felt loving and connected to him. I tried to tell him what satisfied me and show him etc and then also did what was good for him. I found over time he just did less and less of what was good for me. So of course I started not to want sex.

Then I had relationships with men who frankly, were just loads better and had an amazing sex life and was up for it all the time!

It really does take two to tango is what I’m saying. Women can be very sexual if they are treated well and not like a porn object.

Men, on the other hand, remain interested in sex for a far longer term I’d definitely question this. Men get very similar problems in that they find it hard to stay erect etc.

I have definitely felt like that in previous long term relationships. But I can’t imagine ever not wanting to shag DH. He’s really good in bed so it’s guaranteed good times every time 👍🏻

No, I hate it when I don't have a sex life. Can appreciate that it gets a bit mundane in a longer term relationship, but I have only ended up rejecting sex when my partner and I are having relationship problems.

I wonder how you would honestly broach the low libido thing when dating someone new. After the initial excitement of getting together my sex drive as dropped to near nothing with every partner I've ever had.