To think most women tolerate sex to keep their relationships

[penelopepitstopsgain]

I don't doubt there are many women, who enjoy the physical side of their relationships but I've spoken to so many who would rather just have a cuddle and a good book but submit, for want of a better word, to their partner for fear they'll stray or see it as their obligation- even I find that sometimes I really can't be bothered and lie to my partner that its my time of the month just to get some peace. I can see as I get older that I'd rather just have a companion rather than the constant pressure of sex - so am I alone in thinking this or just incredibly cynical or even possibly asexual? Vote
Yes = You're cynical
No = I can relate

Generally speaking: if women knew that every time they had sex, they would orgasm; they'd want it as much as men.

I've had plenty of sex without an orgasm, it has left me frustrated and, later on, resentful. I've had plenty of sex with orgasms, it left me fulfilled and closer to my (then) partner.

And I'm in no way trying to take away the emotional intimacy that sex can provide, with or without an orgasm. But let's face it, if the clit was located in our vagina..

I guess I also understand about men needing a 'simple' way to cum. Imagine the world's population relying on a woman's orgasm to reproduce...99.9% of us would not be here

Please don't think I'm including people who physically cannot have sex, into this mix, I'm not.

I'm male and I don't orgasm every time I have sex. I try to make sure DW does, but it's only once or twice a year anyway!

Women need to take responsibility for their own orgasm during sex. Most women don’t orgasm through penetration but by manual stimulation of the clitoris during sex.

I dislike sex and find it incredibly boring and along with all the moaning and groaning ridiculous and undignified also. I or gas meter very easily each time but still can't see what the big deal is. I've come to terms with the fact I'm asexual and now I stay single.
I wish I wasn't. I'd love a normal relationship but I just can't face the sex.

Gas meter? Orgasm that should say!!!

Without being too graphic as I’m aware this is very public, it’s one thing to be able to communicate what you like to your partner and them incorporate it into sex but it can be quite different to do it yourself while they are doing their thing.

Partners should be interested in learning what you like but some could be happy for you to diy while they carry on regardless. With the latter you could end up thinking why the hell am I even having sex with someone if I’m just wanking anyway.

Saying ‘show me what you like‘ is different from saying ‘do what you like‘.

@MrMysterious As for cuddles, why would I cuddle someone who doesn't want to be physical with me?

Are you kidding? You won't cuddle her because she doesn't have sex with you often enough?

And you think SHE is the problem?

madcatladyforever

Gas meter? Orgasm that should say!!!

Best autocorrect fail EVER!

Why are people so patronising and holier than thou on these type of threads. People simply MUST like sex or they've been doing it wrong? Jesus Christ most people have been around long enough to know what makes them tick

Oh my … I love sex.
If you tolerate it to keep partner … sounds a shame... you could have so much more?

It's the use of the word 'tolerate'.... it is a shame that some women feel that they need to tolerate it to 'keep' a partner/husband.
A conversation to either improve sex or not have it anymore but to 'tolerate' seems sad for both people. We really don't know what goes on in people's marriages and what some 'tolerate' to stay with a person.

As one poster said a few days ago.and repeated recently, 'tolerate' and tolerating sex is not indicative of a happy fulfilled marital partnership. Mine is not perfect, for medical and age reasons that I can't alter, so while I might like more and better sex, I would rather have the relationship we've built up together over our 35-year union and accept its failings. But my feelings are not about tolerance. This is the life we have built together, and I value it above anything else.

@Tulipan

I bet your google history looks interesting, @TomPinch...

Well it's a very interesting topic...

You can see how culture plays such a massive role in sexuality. The comments about Portuguese men's approach to sex were a bit depressingly traditional. Can you imagine finding sex with men worthwhile if that's all you get ...'wham bam'...

I agree. But I do think it all points to the same thing - that for men, sex or masturbation can be (at a very basic level) scratching an itch, whereas women require something a bit more sophisticated - and if they get it it's very worthwhile.

That would probably explain why women's sex toys are so much more sophisticated than men's. Rabbits, bullets, Womanizers, all different shapes and sizes, based on what is now known about women's anatomy and far, far in advance of the equivalents available to men.

(I expect it also means that women masturbate more than before, or at least I hope so).

While on my researches I did stumble across another survey that said men masturbated in a 'compensatory' way, ie, to replace the sex they weren't getting in a relationship - once again, scratching the itch. That would explain Portuguese men's attitudes.

This was the article I read about Swedish masturbation. I can't say I chased down the original source. I was interested in cultural differences as your initial source was from some mid west usa place and I've always found Americans to be hugely uptight about sex in general. I wanted to see what people in northern europe had to say on the matter.

I agree.

All this 'research' has really surprised me. I can really see why websites like omgyes are so necessary to inform young people, especially young women, about female pleasure and self pleasuring. Societal pressures are shit!

I hope things are getting better.

But back to the point of the thread, what I think this all shows is that while women are as capable of enjoying sex as men, there are certain things that get in the way, ie, lack of knowledge of anatomy (by them or their partner or both) due to simple ignorance and the fact that it's a bit more complicated and men have a certain biological level of desire that they have to deal with err.. regularly.

Personally I'm 44 and I think this and also be related to hormones and any one who is on the can't be bothered may possible need some extra hormonal treatment...

I still enjoy sex with my husband but at present in my hormonal cycle are either like a n 18 year old male who constantly feels horny and wants sex all the time or just can't be bothered !!

I do like sex... I like it a lot, but now, if I'm having sex, I'm having it with my life's love, who is 64 and has had health issues that mean his performance is not what it was. So, in your opinion, should I toss aside a happy 35 year-year relationship? I will be interested to read your reply.

I'd like to know the age breakdown of this vote. I'm pretty shocked it's 50/50 on a website that I assume is dominated by women in their 30s.

@XingMing when or if that time comes for us I will adore and love and cherish my DH, and stay with him and be devoted to him even if there’s no more sex. I don’t have to have sex, I just like it a lot and would rather have it than not, and also, thankfully, do not have to ‘tolerate’ it with the man I love. There’s a whole lot more to our relationship than just sex, though, as there obviously is for you and many others. I wouldn’t ever leave my DH unless the love and affection dried up on his or my side, regardless of whether or not he was able to have a sexual relationship with me.

“ I'd like to know the age breakdown of this vote. I'm pretty shocked it's 50/50 on a website that I assume is dominated by women in their 30s.”

I have no idea of the age breakdown across mumsnet, but what do you think many women in their 30s on a parenting website might have going on in their lives that restricts their sex lives somewhat?

I have always loved sex. I agree that in order to have good sex you need to be confident in asking for what you need. DH and I have had spells where sex hasn’t been fulfilling but mostly because of stress and tiredness.
I have recently, massively reduced my stress levels and my sex drive has returned with a vengeance. DH can’t believe his luck and I was delighted because I had it assumed it was related with menopause. I just think we go through lots of stress during menopause totally unrelated to hormone levels falling. Teenage dramas and ageing parents take up our time and energy and test our relationships.
I don’t think every woman enjoys sex. I was quite surprised by the number of women I know who read 50 shades series and were shocked by its content. My DH always refers to me as a “ Martini Girl” , for anyone who remembers the old add campaign - “any time, any place , anywhere”. If you met me in the street you would probably never know.

Why do you assume this site is dominated by woman in their 30s. I’m 48 for a start.

I'd like to know the age breakdown of this vote. I'm pretty shocked it's 50/50 on a website that I assume is dominated by women in their 30s

I'm 56. Still fancy DP, still have a sex life. I find sex with him entirely tolerable. He has a higher sex drive but still, I'd feel sad if our sex life dwindled. I may need sex less, but that doesn't mean I don't need it at all. Its part of our closeness

Why do you assume this site is dominated by woman in their 30s. I’m 48 for a start.
Because it's primarily a parenting site. I'm not in my thirties either, so it's not a dig!

I have no idea of the age breakdown across mumsnet, but what do you think many women in their 30s on a parenting website might have going on in their lives that restricts their sex lives somewhat?

Aah, gotcha. I had my kids in my 20s so my 30s was the best decade of my life sexually. Thanks for explaining.

In their 30s??? yeah ‘cos that’s how old most women are

I’ve tolerated sex for a few years now. My DH is a wonderful person but he is terrible at sex. I’ve recently told him to step up his game and show me more attention in the bedroom so we shall see if he bothers He hasn’t taken any hints so far so I just told him this time. How can he expect me to want sex when he hasn’t made me orgasm during the whole relationship!? My previous partner was more generous in bed but he was generous with lots of women behind my back too so it was a sacrifice I was willing to take when I met my DH.