AIBU to change DS' birthday when he's too young to decide?

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DS is 4 and his birthday is Boxing Day. Up until last year his birthday has always been fine, if inconvenient, but last year it really was rubbish that we couldn't do anything special on the day due to nothing being open. We're always at my DParents as we go there Christmas Day and it's not an option to not stay there Christmas Day night (two DCs who go to bed early).

This year just gone the weather was rubbish so we couldn't even go out for a nice walk or play in the garden. Because my DParents get to see him on his birthday it's only fair that we invite ILs too, who although I get along with them, they are a pain. I have a good relationship with my own DParents but they're a bit fussy/controlling on Christmas and his birthday (understandably so I guess as it's at their house!) so it's always been us/them awkwardly hosting ILs. Which was fine when DS was little but as he gets older he doesn't like too much fuss/formality, he only has baby DS so no other children to play with, so on his last birthday he really misbehaved due to being bored/having cabin fever/having had far too many presents and focus just on Christmas Day let alone more on his birthday. I felt sad for him as we couldn't make it special.

In comparison we've just celebrated other DS' first birthday, and although he's too young to care, we were able to do it exactly as we wanted - balloons, a banner and a pile of presents waiting for him when he woke up, and we all went to lunch and softplay. Simple, but lovely, and older DS would've loved that as his own birthday.

Would I be unreasonable to change DS' birthday to a couple of days later, say the 28th of December? We would be at home and all the Christmas presents would be unpacked/put away, everything would be open again so we could go to softplay/lunch/McDonald's/museum/whatever HE wants to do, and we would have control over the day with it being in our house so could make it special, no pressure on him.

This is such a to do about nothing. It really is.

Why can't you put some balloons and a banner up because it's Boxing Day? Why can't he have a pile of presents, a special day and a fuss made? He absolutely can and it's only you that's stopping you doing that, no one else.

This. You really are making a drama out of nothing - do you think your DS is the only person who has his birthday on Boxing Day (or any other inconvenient day?). It's up to you to make his day special, but you seem to be so negative about it.

Sorry, I’ve not read the full thread so thus may have been suggested, but have a big celebration for him in the 26th June. His half birthday.
Acknowledge his actual birthday but make the special day 6months between his birthdays.

My daughter's birthday is Boxing Day and I decided to just embrace it. We have Christmas and in the evening I take down most of the Christmas cards and some decorations and get ready to replace them with birthday banners and make sure there's space for birthday cards.

We have a huge party for friends and family and she absolutely loves her Boxing Day birthday even now she's a teenager.

We always had school birthday parties either before they broke up for Christmas or early in Jan -I found early Jan better because in Dec people are busy visiting family. So we do move the celebration round a bit but the presents etc are always Boxing Day.

Yes it's a pain -and I remind my daughter that she was nearly two weeks late so it's her own fault but it's best to embrace it and make a new tradition.

I wouldn’t change it to the 28th, I’d change it to June. If you just always celebrate it then he’ll know no different

Yes. You are being unreasonable.

How about you have Christmas at your own house for a change, and send everyone home at the end of the day, that way you can get up on Boxing Day with just your own little family and celebrate your son’s birthday the way you want to, with presents and balloons and cake.

There’s no problem having a party or get-together or soft play the following weekend, but moving the whole of his birthday is a no-no.

My nephew has his birthday on 20th Dec but since he has been born we have always had his party on the first Sunday in December. He’s 9 now and knows but doesn’t care.

Basically the OP hates her in laws and doesn’t want them to come round on sons birthday so has decided rather than just say “come round another day when we are at home not my parents” .... she’s willing to lie to her child about what day his actual birthday is

Just let him open some presents, have cake for pudding on his birthday and then do a proper celebration at the weekend. Problem solved!

Well you cant change when his birthday really is but you can choose to have a small family celebration on boxing day including cake balloons presents from family and birthday banners and have a party with his friends/ go out for the day /out for dinner a week later.
Plenty of people do this anyway, birthday falls mid week but main celebration is at the weekend.
Boxing day is a difficult day for a birthday but i would still make sure his birthday is celebrated on that day and have a bigger celebration later

Why not have an official birthday like the Queen? A friend's child was born on Christmas day and did a swop with daddy as his birthday was in June X

I really don't get the issue. Have a party on whichever day is convenient for you.

My sister's birthday is on Christmas Eve (which she now loves as an adult) My grandad's birthday was June 24th (her half birthday) so we used to have a joint celebration for them which my sister (and grandad) loved.

Ds has a birthday very close to xmas and from about age 3 he’s always had a “royal” birthday on Dh’s birthday which is nearer the middle of the year. We celebrate his real bday and have a small present but he also gets a present half way through the year, so he doesn’t have to wait a whole year if there’s something he wants.

I think you can do what suits you as a family, I think I’d make a fuss on the day, cards and cake etc, but have the official day out on 27th or 28th - stretch the birthday out!

I don't even see how ops original idea will solve the problem. Her son's birthday always will be the 26th December, no matter what substitute date she nominates. She planned to spend every Boxing Day with her parents as they always have done. Therefore, whether she admits it or not, her parents will get to spend every birthday with her son and her in laws won't. Op knows this, her parents know this and the in laws know it. This whole idea came about so that she doesn't have to invite the in laws to her parents on Boxing Day to stop them from feeling left out but realistically this doesn't change that.

I have updated the thread but some won't have read it, so I'll say it again. I've realised I'm being U and won't change the date. However I like a lot of the ideas about having a proper celebration with presents a few days later, it IS too much for DS having so many presents two days in a row. As he gets older and presents get fewer but more expensive, this might get easier, but last year there was a ridiculous amount, as extended family all buy for him too, and we hadn't even gone nuts.

And no, the sole reason wasn't to stop having to see my in laws on his birthday. Our plan is to go to the cinema/food just the four of us anyway, and go home afterwards rather than to my parents, so that's a non issue now. I just have realised I need to be more assertive with my in laws, which up until recently they've made difficult, but I've gone beyond caring at this point. MIL sees DS1 once a week because she picks him up from nursery and looks after him for the afternoon, so she sees him plenty. Grandparents don't have automatic rights to see their GC on their birthdays.

Half birthday ! Half way point between real birthday .

Celebrate his birthday how and when you want to. As he gets older, he may want to celebrate on the actual day or keep to your new tradition - cross that bridge when you come to it.
Ds2 was born on the 29th December. It's a pain for organising a party for his friends because everyone is away/has plans/forgets. The last few years, he's had a party on the last day of school. Works perfectly, quite often they finish early, they're all in good moods and excited for Christmas and it starts the holidays off nicely.
We sometime have family over on his actual birthday but this year, he just wanted a quiet day at home so that's what we did. Works for us.

We always did this in my family growing up - everyone knew when the actual birthday was, but we would 'celebrate it' on another day if it worked out better. So if your birthday fell on a school day we would celebrate it on the following Saturday or something with a special meal or a picnic or grandma coming or whatever. It was nice. Plus you would often have a birthday party with your friends on a different day, so in a way your birthday got stretched to three days sometimes, which was awesome.

So I say tell him you will be celebrating his birthday on the 28th and let Boxing Day be Boxing Day. Invite both sets of GPs to dinner for the birthday celebration and do whatever you think the birthday boy would like best for the day.

And wait until after New Year's for his party with friends so people are back from their family visits.

Why dont you have a simple celebration on his actual birthday then have a party etc in june as his half birthday.

I know 2 people with Christmas-time birthdays - one has always celebrated in June (parents decided, he is v happy with this) and one changed his birthday celebration to November as an adult, as organising birthday celebrations in late December was awful.

YANBU at all, and if you change to a warmer month like June he'll be thrilled I imagine.

I don't really get the need to go out and do anything however why don't you take him to the Pantomime for his birthday if you want to actually go out and do something? That could make a lovely tradition for everyone.

Loads of dates are rubbish dates. My DS is born on 23rd December. That's pretty crap too, we're all fully focused on prepping for the 'big day' so we 'just' have a birthday breakfast (fruit, marshmallows and melted chocolate) which you could easily do yourself at your parents, and then a few balloons, and a banner and later on a birthday cake. But at least he is always off school so not rushing to get out in the morning.

My other child is a June baby and only gets a decent birthday every few years as she's almost always at school. If anything she gets a worse deal as is out of the house by 8.30am and DH is not home until 7.30pm.

Also, you could also invite the ILs around on another date in holidays, for his birthday celebration, and enjoy parks, woodland and playgrounds on the 26th at your parents house. A blow the cobwebs away type birthday..wellies and anoraks at the ready!

Changing the date of his birth is a bit of an extreme solution. He'll be having to write his date of birth on forms as he grows up.. and in our reception classes at school kid's birthdays are written up on the walls with their photos - what date are you going to do about that? And if you pick the fake date how will you arrange that? Lie to school about his D.O.B?

Anyway, hope you manage to come around to accepting the 26th as his birth date xx

I've come across loads of parents who decided to celebrate a child's birthday further from the Christmas date they were born on, but nobody actually pretend that the date has changed. That's not going to wash for long, is it? Once he's at school, school will know and eventually, he'll work it out.

I don't see what the big deal is of having a party for him and his presents, etc, six months later (or earlier) in June. It's extra-special for him because he gets cards and a cake with family on his actual birthdate, and all his presents and his party with friends in summer when the weather's nice!

In fact I've always meant to do this with DS, who has a birthday very close to Christmas and also has autism, which means he can get overwhelmed with all the presents from generous relatives. At his age I'm not sure we can switch now - not that he'd mind but his family might be a bit

I know of a couple of families with son’s birthdays a day or two before/after Christmas and they always have a birthday party either a month before or after. This gives better opportunity for other kids to be available for a party. The kids know it’s not their actual birthday but still enjoy the party all the same as all their close friends are there. Christmas is a busy time and there’s no getting away from the fact that the actual birthday is always going to be on a shit date. Celebrate it however you like, the kids won’t mind as long as they have a celebration they enjoy.

I'm finding this a bit confusing. Like others have said ...I totally get why Boxing Day isn't good for the main celebration. But that is his birthday., I think it would be v odd for a child to be told their actually bday was on x date and have that cemented in their minds then told when they were older it was a actually y .

Can't you just have a small cake and candles , bit if a happy birthday on his birthday to make him feel like it's a special day .. then play with the Christmas presents, or a couple of birthday presents on his actual bday., and then have the proper bday gathering on a day close by when people can make it? That's just what everyone else does anyway??

I don't get it.

I know someone who has a birthday on Xmas Day and a birthday celebration/ party on Summer Solstice which seems to work really well.

My birthday is 30th December. Any Bday over the Christmas period is rubbish. Obviously not all kids are planned, some come early etc, but I actively didn’t TTC to avoid that for my kids. You can do what you like but it would be a bit weird. Yes it’s not great having presents 2 days a year then nothing all year but I’m afraid that’s something he will have a lifetime of, just suck it up. Choose a day for a family day out a few days later but I wouldn’t pretend it’s not his bday

You do realise that most kids have birthday parties at weekends, because after the age of 4 or 5 they go to school during the week?