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AIBU to change DS' birthday when he's too young to decide?

309 replies

tempnamechange98765 · 25/02/2020 13:14

DS is 4 and his birthday is Boxing Day. Up until last year his birthday has always been fine, if inconvenient, but last year it really was rubbish that we couldn't do anything special on the day due to nothing being open. We're always at my DParents as we go there Christmas Day and it's not an option to not stay there Christmas Day night (two DCs who go to bed early).

This year just gone the weather was rubbish so we couldn't even go out for a nice walk or play in the garden. Because my DParents get to see him on his birthday it's only fair that we invite ILs too, who although I get along with them, they are a pain. I have a good relationship with my own DParents but they're a bit fussy/controlling on Christmas and his birthday (understandably so I guess as it's at their house!) so it's always been us/them awkwardly hosting ILs. Which was fine when DS was little but as he gets older he doesn't like too much fuss/formality, he only has baby DS so no other children to play with, so on his last birthday he really misbehaved due to being bored/having cabin fever/having had far too many presents and focus just on Christmas Day let alone more on his birthday. I felt sad for him as we couldn't make it special.

In comparison we've just celebrated other DS' first birthday, and although he's too young to care, we were able to do it exactly as we wanted - balloons, a banner and a pile of presents waiting for him when he woke up, and we all went to lunch and softplay. Simple, but lovely, and older DS would've loved that as his own birthday.

Would I be unreasonable to change DS' birthday to a couple of days later, say the 28th of December? We would be at home and all the Christmas presents would be unpacked/put away, everything would be open again so we could go to softplay/lunch/McDonald's/museum/whatever HE wants to do, and we would have control over the day with it being in our house so could make it special, no pressure on him.

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PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 25/02/2020 13:16

Well you obviously can't change his birthday legally but you can obviously celebrate it any time you want. Lots of people don't do a big celebration on their actual birthday as they're at work/school. Just have a nice family party on the 28th.

Cinammoncake · 25/02/2020 13:16

Confused you can't just change his birthday surely. But I guess you could celebrate it on a different day next year if he's so little.

Tombakersscarf · 25/02/2020 13:19

If you do it - say - one week later and it always happens on that day, that will become a tradition in itself for him and will just be what he knows? Which i think would work well

sweeneytoddsrazor · 25/02/2020 13:19

Well you cant change the day of his birthday but as he will be at school next year you can have a party on whatever day you like. You also don't need to do the same thing every Xmas, maybe go to your inlaws instead of DPs or host one year or just stay home.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 25/02/2020 13:19

Maybe make it the Saturday after his birthday.

If it’s good enough for the Queen, then I don’t see why he can’t have an official birthday and an actual one.

tempnamechange98765 · 25/02/2020 13:20

My point is a family party doesn't work now he's getting older - that's essentially what it's been every year, just at my parents' house. It wouldn't be anyone first choice to have a family party as my IL's idea of this is just them fussing over DS which tbh he no longer enjoys, and us all sitting round while he opens presents. He has no one to play with at the moment. He would rather go out and do something on his birthday, but nothing is open on Boxing Day.

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geekone · 25/02/2020 13:20

Yes you would be unreasonable! His birthday is the 26th it’s shit but it’s what it is, pretending it’s on a different day will be confusing when he is older not to mention it’s simply lying to him so you don’t feel so guilty. Also who is the lunch out for? Most kids don’t really enjoy being dragged out to lunch when they could be home playing with their presents. Sound like the nice lunch is more for you.
I would suggest that you give him a card and present on his actual birthday and then celebrate a couple of days later two so he has an extra 1/2 days birthday. Cinema etc are open on Boxing Day though.

Letthemysterybe · 25/02/2020 13:20

You can’t change his birthday, but you can celebrate it whenever you please, or you can choose to stay at home for Christmas Day and Boxing Day/birthday.

tempnamechange98765 · 25/02/2020 13:21

We will be going to my parents' for the foreseeable future on Christmas Day! We never go to my in laws and that's how we (and they) want it. We don't host - it's just how it is!

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FusionChefGeoff · 25/02/2020 13:22

Excellent idea and, as pp said it will become normal for him very quickly.

CatteStreet · 25/02/2020 13:22

You mean pretend to him that his birthday is on a different day? Confused Why on earth would you do that?

Just start a tradition of having the 'proper' party/celebration at a better time of year. You could pick 26 June as the six-month point, or any other time/day that works, and even vary it from year to year. And you can just do a low-key birthday thing on or a couple of days after the actual day.

TabbyMumz · 25/02/2020 13:23

Are you going to your parents house every Christmas then? Couldnt you spend Christmas at home?

GoBackToPartyCity · 25/02/2020 13:24

Could he still have his ‘official’ birthday on the 26th dec but have a half birthday celebration on the 26th June?

tempnamechange98765 · 25/02/2020 13:25

geekone DS loves going for lunch, at chain child-friendly places, which is the only places we ever take him. But if his birthday was on a non bank holiday, he would get to choose what he wanted to do whether that be food/softplay/swimming etc. I did think of cinema actually and that was the other option, we thought we could at least do that then go to McDonald's or something...

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shouldhavecalleditoatabix · 25/02/2020 13:25

Not unreasonable at all but I wouldn't 'change the date' so much as I would keep main birthday on 26th but plan his party/celebration for when it suits. We often do this as birthdays don't fall on weekends plus I work shifts so say if dc birthday is first of month, it's not unknown for us to have the 'party' on 15th as that is the best day to suit. It makes no difference to the kids. They just get a double birthday! They have their main present on the birthday (but only because it suits us-if it was Boxing Day I would probably hold that back too) and cards etc from family. Then we get on board with planning the actual party.

My advice is to ignore mn and do what suits you and yours. You son will thank you as he gets older and realises it's a bum deal having a bday on Boxing day

Double3xposure · 25/02/2020 13:26

Just celebrate his half birthday on 26 June.

lazylinguist · 25/02/2020 13:27

Confused Obviously you can't change his actual birthday, but it is perfectly normal for people (including children) to celebrate their birthday on the nearest convenient day - e.g. on a weekend if their birthday falls on a school/work day. This is no different from doing that - I don't see why it's a big deal (unless you really did mean permanently change the date of his birthday, which is bonkers!).

RiddleyW · 25/02/2020 13:27

So your question is actually = Can I take my DS out to lunch on a day which is not his birthday?

The answer is yes, happy days!

CameraTime · 25/02/2020 13:27

Loads of people don't celebrate their child's birthday on the actual day (especially if it's mid-week, kids at school, everyone at work - most people would have the party on the Saturday or Sunday before/after).

A friend of mine has a child who was born on Christmas day, so they have a "half birthday" party on 25th June instead. The little girl knows when her birthday is, though.

I wouldn't lie about when his birthday is, but I don't see any issue with not having the celebration until a few days later.

OhLook · 25/02/2020 13:28

I can't tell if you're wanting to pretend his birthday is on a different day or just celebrate it on a different day?

tempnamechange98765 · 25/02/2020 13:29

Those suggesting having the main celebration on a different day, that's what we always thought we would end up doing, but it's still really problematic that his birthday is on Boxing Day. So for example, on his first and second birthdays, we had family only at my parents on his actual birthday, and then a little tea party with friends and their babies at our house a few days later. He did have a softplay party earlier in December for his last birthday, but again on the day, it's still his birthday. And it really was a rubbish day, he was overwhelmed from the amount of gifts he'd had on Christmas Day, and he's the only child in the whole family excluding baby DS who at the moment isn't much of a playmate. So I feel for him that it's difficult to be on best behaviour all the time, and he's not the type of child who likes to stay in all day either - we couldn't even go for a nice beach walk (which had been our plan) as it was raining heavily all day. So we couldn't leave the house!

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AnchorDownDeepBreath · 25/02/2020 13:30

Celebrate it on the 28th and make that a tradition, sure, but his birthday is Boxing Day. Sadly there are a few days of the year that are rubbish for birthdays, and that's one of them...

DS loves going for lunch, at chain child-friendly places

Although you might avoid all this hassle if you stop spending Boxing Day with your parents. Around here, McDonalds, Bella Italia, the cinema, Nandos etc are all open on Boxing Day, so he could have the party he wants on the actual day... and we're not a big city or anything.

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 25/02/2020 13:30

Newsflash- it's not the law to have your party on your birthday.

But, as your child gets older, even though it's Boxing Day, they might prefer to.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 25/02/2020 13:31

But it's still really problematic that his birthday is on Boxing Day.

We cross-posted.... but it's too late to do anything about this now. His birthday is Boxing Day. You can't change that, and it'd be really weird to try and make out it was another day. He'd know, as would anyone else, because he'll use his birth certificate a lot.

You're looking at the odd way to fix this here, rather than focusing on making sure you are somewhere he can have a birthday he enjoys on Boxing Day. Change your Christmas plans, not his birthday.

Nowayorhighway · 25/02/2020 13:31

I sympathise, my Mum has a birthday close to Christmas and she has had a lifetime of struggles like this. People are skint due to Christmas so don’t want to celebrate with her, she’s had lots of people giving one present to cover both Christmas and birthday and her birthday gifts wrapped in Christmas paper.

I don’t think you can just casually change his birthday though, it’s a bit of an odd thing to do really. Perhaps spend Christmas at home so you can still celebrate his birthday at home if that’s what you’d prefer.

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