AIBU to change DS' birthday when he's too young to decide?

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DS is 4 and his birthday is Boxing Day. Up until last year his birthday has always been fine, if inconvenient, but last year it really was rubbish that we couldn't do anything special on the day due to nothing being open. We're always at my DParents as we go there Christmas Day and it's not an option to not stay there Christmas Day night (two DCs who go to bed early).

This year just gone the weather was rubbish so we couldn't even go out for a nice walk or play in the garden. Because my DParents get to see him on his birthday it's only fair that we invite ILs too, who although I get along with them, they are a pain. I have a good relationship with my own DParents but they're a bit fussy/controlling on Christmas and his birthday (understandably so I guess as it's at their house!) so it's always been us/them awkwardly hosting ILs. Which was fine when DS was little but as he gets older he doesn't like too much fuss/formality, he only has baby DS so no other children to play with, so on his last birthday he really misbehaved due to being bored/having cabin fever/having had far too many presents and focus just on Christmas Day let alone more on his birthday. I felt sad for him as we couldn't make it special.

In comparison we've just celebrated other DS' first birthday, and although he's too young to care, we were able to do it exactly as we wanted - balloons, a banner and a pile of presents waiting for him when he woke up, and we all went to lunch and softplay. Simple, but lovely, and older DS would've loved that as his own birthday.

Would I be unreasonable to change DS' birthday to a couple of days later, say the 28th of December? We would be at home and all the Christmas presents would be unpacked/put away, everything would be open again so we could go to softplay/lunch/McDonald's/museum/whatever HE wants to do, and we would have control over the day with it being in our house so could make it special, no pressure on him.

Thank you for your insightful words OP, but I'm well aware of the difference between having a young family and being retired.
People don't become fussy and controlling because they're retired; they're obviously that way inclined anyway.

Can he have his main celebration on his half birthday each year, 26th June? Boxing day just a quick nod to him ageing, but presents and party in June.

I can't actually believe you genuinely considered lying to your son about when his birthday is, didn't it occur to you that he would easily find out he had been lied to about his birthday as soon as he would get his first ID card or passport or any official document or that he could get in trouble for providing false information everytime he is asked about his birth date? At what age would you sit him down and be like '' You know what DS you actually were never born on the 28th, we just lied to you all those years because we found it easier than be firm with your grandparents, hope you don't mind.''

If my mom came to tell me she had lied about my birthdate for years, I would probably have some real identity crisis and would probably struggle to believe anything about what I know about my family/history. How can he trust you if you can't even be honest with him about the day he was born on?

Do the done thing of letting him know his birthday and giving him the choice to celebrate it on another day of his choice.

My ds2 was born on Xmas day. Shit, I know. We tend to celebrate it the Saturday before they break up from school ie that’s when he has his party with friends and family and opens gifts that he was given at the party .

On Xmas day (his actual birthday) we have Christmas lunch at midday and then have a birthday buffet with balloons and candles etc at 6pm
A boy in his class has a birthday celebration on 26th June even thought his birthday is 26th December
It’s whatever works for you, but as a side note you really do not have to do the same “tradition” every year ie go to the same set of grand/ parents etc

I do think you're quite hung up on a birthday activity on the day but you absolutely can have a really special day at home. We decorate their chair at the table the night before to make it special at breakfast time. They have a special breakfast (sometimes pastries, fancy cereal etc whatever they prefer). We do presents, then they get to choose what to do at home, so we might end up playing a board game, doing a film afternoon with popcorn/sweets, getting the dreaded play doh out . We wait on them, get them snacks/drinks etc. They choose dinner and obviously we have birthday cake.

Oh and DD almost always has a quiet actual birthday because it's always in the school holidays. She has a party either a few weeks early or a few weeks later and we wouldn't then have an expensive day out on top of a party too, we just couldn't afford both.

I feel like I’ve just haphazardly stumbled into another dimension. You’re bonkers OP.

Tell him you've moved his birthday because it will be more fun in the summer. He's little enough to believe what you tell him and it really isn't important. He can always move it back when he's older if he decides that leftover turkey really is how he wants to celebrate.

This happens to anyone who has a birthday close to or at Xmas. Just celebrate it on another day. If you don't like being away from home, change your plans and stay home. As soon as he starts school he'll be having parties a week or two later anyway.

At least it's on a day when everyone is off. Dd's birthday was on a Wednesday, which means childminder and school. Not a day either of us could take off work, so we got home at 6 and had a nice tea. Not much more we could do. Dd was fine - she still felt special all day as it was her birthday. She had her party at the weekend.

I wouldn't get too caught up on birthdays!

Have a half birthday and have a party for him in June.

I feel it's unfair that my DParents see DS on his birthday, so we've HAD to invite the in laws every year.

Honestly, though, this is bonkers. The in laws literally see him the day before. You don't have to arrange everything so they also see him the day of his birthday.

He's old enough to understand that some of his birthday things won't be on his actual birthday. I'd arrange to have a birthday meal or something with the inlaws maybe the weekend before Christmas, so it feels special and exciting, not overshadowed by Christmas. And then do whatever you want on the day itself.

My 10 yr old DD has her birthday on top of Christmas. She’s absolutely loves it. I don’t but hey ho. She always says she loves her birthday being all Christmassy. I guess it’s all she knows and what kid doesn’t love their birthday regardless of when it falls.

You’ll get used to it as the years go on and become more and more creative with celebrating it!

You can't lie to your child and say his birthday is 2 days later than it is then confuse the hell out of him when he's 8 or 9 and say "yeah, we lied about the day your birthday was, it's actually the 26th". You're making this into something that it doesn't need to be. There's plenty of places open on boxing day. You'd rather change your childs birthday and lie to him than say to your parents that you will be leaving Christmas night/boxing day morning to go and do something for your childs birthday? That seems really weird to me. If you want him to have a proper birthday, leave and go and do something. If he wants to have a party that year with his friends, arrange it for a few days later but acknowledge his birthday on the day

Feel your pain op, ds's bday is Boxing Day too!

We had his party with school mates the weekend before, then just celebrated it on Boxing day aka his birthday 😉 with family.

A friend's DC is Christmas Day. She dedicates a day later in the year.
One of mine is NYE which will be great when he’s older, but right now everybody is busy or away with family on the day. We usually go somewhere nice when the weather cheers up a bit and let a couple of friends tag along! We can’t choose the timing of their births, but we can still make sure they feel it’s celebrated.

What have I just read...?? No of course you can't change the date of your child's birthday and absolutely no, you can't lie to your child and pretend it's a couple of days later but to then reveal the truth when he's older!

But a quiet day doing what? So he comes downstairs in the morning, oh happy birthday DS. We're doing sweet FA, which is still preferable to the alternative of hosting entitled in laws!

Well,yes. My birthday is Christmas Day so it's always been spent doing what everyone else does on Christmas Day. You just have to make the day special for your son - play some games, go for a walk, have a birthday tea etc. It's rubbish having a birthday at Christmas but it is what it is. Have his party before or after but don't pretend that his birthday really is a different day

Such a first world problem!

DD was born on February 29th - we've managed for (almost) 20 years now & she's only done anything on her actual birthday once (2004) so far as all others have been school days.

It's a Saturday this year so this will be the 2nd time in 20 years that she's done anything for her birthday on her actual birthday!

I think it’s a good idea, but I think I would open cards and maybe have a family cake on 26th, maybe at tea time. I would have presents / Balloons /Party / birthday trip out on 28th. As he gets older he can decide if he wants to continue this or not.

Just look at the positives and stop trying to control the world around you. Even god had a rest

Growing up I had a friend who's birthday was Christmas day we always celebrated as a half birthday on 25th June.

Make his birthday the week or so BEFORE Christmas! Then he’ll know he’s celebrated and then you can do small gifts and cards or something on the actual day.

My ds has his birthday 10 days before Christmas and I asked him once if he minded waiting all year and then having both Christmas and birthday at once

“Are you kidding? I get 2 weeks of presents arriving, everyone is excited generally and it’s great!”

Often friends send presents for both birthday and Christmas in one parcel and we do confess to occasional opening of the odd small gift between the 2 dates on one of those grey grim dark afternoons :)

The other thing I do is only get the tree up for his birthday so his birthday kicks off Christmas, and that makes it more special for him.

When your ds starts at school, you’ll have to have parties before the Christmas holidays anyway

I think approaching it with 'its going to be rubbish / everywhere is closed / a quiet day at home is boring' then that's what it will be...

Most places are open on boxing day, so you can always go out to eat somewhere. If you make a fuss of him then he'll remember that even though his birthday is on 26th, his mum made a big fuss of it and it was great, and not swallowed up by Christmas at all. You really can set him up for years of great birthdays with the effort you make, or years of rubbish boring birthdays because that's what you think it is.

It's not a good habit to get into to removing problems like this for your children. Try your best to have a lovely day (it doesn't have to be perfect: lots of years it won't be anyway no matter what the year.)
When he is older you can brainstorm ideas about how he wants to manage this, far better than thinking that when there are problems mum will lie to me or 'remove the problem.'

My daughter has a school friend who has a bday on Xmas day. She has one birthday pressie but actually has a party and lots of pressies on a day in summer hols. Works really well for them.