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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To finally evict my lodger, even though she will end up homelss

612 replies

Throwawaytheatre · 24/02/2020 02:08

Hi all,

Posting more for advice, but a little bit of aibu too...

Currently lying awake with worry and anxiety despite having to be up for work in less than four hours.

I’ve posted about my lodger before. She’s an old friend of mine and things started well. However; the past few months have been hard work. The first issue I had with her was when she had her partner at the time stay over. I told her I didn’t want men I didn’t know in the house and her partner in particular made me very uncomfortable. She had him stay over anyway and then after I had a chat with her to let her know how this made me feel, she had him over till one in the morning about a month ago.

She has since broken up with him, and this evening went on a date with a man she met online. She does not know this man at all and he is in his 30s (we are both 20s). She then brought him home and woke me up by having very loud sex. I have been unable to fall back asleep as I have been quite anxious about having a strange man she’s known for a few hours in the house. He could be anyone for all I know.

Just before Xmas she quit her job as she couldn’t hack doing nights anymore. She is now on UC; and is behind on rent. Our agreement says rent is weekly but she pays monthly in arrears if you see what I mean? She missed the Jan payment and has told me she will be unable to pay any extra this month (so assuming she pays be next week as normal she will still be four weeks behind ifyswim?) - I will add she always seems to have money for tobacco but that’s by-the-by I suppose.

As she is not working she has the heating on all day and my last gas bill was over £100.

The main reason I want to end the agreement is because she obviously doesn’t respect that this is my home and property and doesn’t respect that I don’t want strange men in it! However, I wonder if I would be better off making the arrears the “official” reason?

Do I have to give her a months notice or just a week - the agreement is weekly rent (in writing) but as I say she pays monthly.

The only thing is if I evicted her, she would have no where to go; she has no family local apart from her mum and the whole reason she ended up here is cos her mum threw her out. But I can’t keep living like this!

Thanks.

OP posts:
Greenkit · 24/02/2020 07:56

She is a lodger

Give her one weeks notice and kick her out

fedup21 · 24/02/2020 07:57

Her mum asked her to leave because at the time she (the daughter) was working and it affected her (the mother’s) benefits

Well, she’s not working now, so problem solved.

mathanxiety · 24/02/2020 07:58

You can have the rule, but you can't use the rule as grounds for eviction. It's not illegal to have sex with a stranger, and she is an adult.

I am pretty sure she does have the right to exclusive use of her room for sleeping, and for general living during the day. You can't set up your ironing station there, or decide that is where you will keep your gerbil cage.

Rent arrears - yes, you can use that as grounds for eviction.

Original poster
Throwawaytheatre · 24/02/2020 08:02

@mathanxiety

My understanding was that as she is a lodger I can end it for any or even no reason if I want? By non-exclusive I mean she can’t have a lock on the door and I can go in when she isn’t there- this makes her an excluded tennant? I’ve been sat in the office waiting to clock in reading up on it.

OP posts:
crowsfeet57 · 24/02/2020 08:04

She has to go; the Council won't let her sleep rough.

Er. Yes they will. Unless she has a child or you live in an area where there is abundant housing she will be sleeping rough.

JudyCoolibar · 24/02/2020 08:08

Formal eviction notice with 4 weeks notice

Why four weeks? One would be more than enough. She can easily go back to her mother's.

MummyOfBoyAndGirl · 24/02/2020 08:08

How awful for you Thanks

Original poster
Throwawaytheatre · 24/02/2020 08:10

She’s just replied to my text saying “I rent from you what I do in my room is my business”

Was tempted to reply that you haven’t rented it the past four weeks, but instead just told her I’m not having the conversation over text.

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 24/02/2020 08:11

I wonder why her mum through her out.

Yanbu for anyone of the reasons you've given.

angieloumc · 24/02/2020 08:11

Unfortunately it looks like it will be the end of your friendship OP, but do stick to your guns. This situation is obviously not going to work, she's a CF.

londonrach · 24/02/2020 08:13

Make sure you change your locks op...i would be worried in case she damages etc anything this week.

mathanxiety · 24/02/2020 08:13

You made a mistake including the sex with the random man as a reason to evict her. She is correct that what she does in the room is her own business unless it is illegal. What she has done is not illegal.

The rent arrears was the only reason to evict her.

Do you have a written contract?
What does it say

Coolcucumber2020 · 24/02/2020 08:15

I wouldn’t give her a week. I’d give her two months notice. A week is really short and no tenant should be booted out In such short terms.

I don’t think having sex with someone you’ve met is terrible, what is not good is that you were not clear that this wasn’t on when you agreed to her staying. It’s okay not to like this and okay not to want it in your house, just not okay to have not made this clear at the start.

GabriellaMontez · 24/02/2020 08:15

If she has such noisy sex that the op cant sleep, that is very much the business of the OP. How disrespectful. Shes not your friend.

ThePollutedShadesOfPemberley · 24/02/2020 08:17

You're a better man than me Gunga Din! I would have hammered on the door, gone in and booted the pair of them out there and then!

Fuck that sort of shit!

notapizzaeater · 24/02/2020 08:18

She has some strange ideas of what a lodger is as opposed to a tenant ! You've been more than patient

icelollycraving · 24/02/2020 08:18

Well she is kind of misguided then, she doesn't rent from you. She is in arrears!

NotSorry · 24/02/2020 08:18

@Coolcucumber2020

She made it clear in her OP

I told her I didn’t want men I didn’t know in the house

Original poster
Throwawaytheatre · 24/02/2020 08:18

UPDATE : she has text to say she wouldn’t have a chat with me as she doesn’t see the difference between this and having her best mate over... I’ve explained that that’s different as I know best mate.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 24/02/2020 08:21

The lodger isn't the OP's child. She can't just boot people out of a room (nominally) rented regardless of how loudly they are having sex. You cannot police the behaviour of adults that way even if you are renting a room to one of them.

This is the sort of scenario the OP should have considered before deciding to rent out a room. She should have asked herself if she would be ok with it.

And OP, you need to have all conversations with the lodger either by email or text. You need to create a record related to the non payment of rent, and the fact that this is why you are evicting her.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 24/02/2020 08:21

Seems like your lodger needs to rent her own apartment if she wants to do as she pleases. She clearly has no respect for you. I would be mortified if I was staying somewhere and they heard me having sex let alone bringing someone back when I'd specifically been asked not to. As you say, a long term boyfriend/friend who's known might well be different, a date found online, no way.

If I was vulnerable (needed to stay with a friend or possibly face homelessness) I would follow any rule you wanted me to. I'd be eternally grateful, absolutely pay my way, do anything to keep my job (so I could pay you) and generally try not to inconvenience you in any way. I don't think I'm unusual.

Get her out. She's put herself in this situation not you. You provided her with a room, asked for one simple thing (no guests) and to pay rent. That's not a huge ask and she agreed to it by moving in.

sickandtiredofsick · 24/02/2020 08:21

Next time she leaves change the locks

Then arrange a time to drop her things off to her don’t let her back in

justcly · 24/02/2020 08:22

@mathanxiety:

She is not a tenant, she is a lodger, and therefore the OP can impose any rules she likes. She also doesn't need a reason to evict her.

mathanxiety · 24/02/2020 08:22

Stop talking to her about the sex. She has the right to have sex in the room she rents.

Evict her for non payment of rent. This is the only leg you have to stand on.

sickandtiredofsick · 24/02/2020 08:22

If it’s a lot of stuff I’d even consider hiring a van and having that cost yourself just to get rid of her she sounds entitled and obnoxious