To finally evict my lodger, even though she will end up homelss

[Throwawaytheatre]

Hi all,

Posting more for advice, but a little bit of aibu too...

Currently lying awake with worry and anxiety despite having to be up for work in less than four hours.

I’ve posted about my lodger before. She’s an old friend of mine and things started well. However; the past few months have been hard work. The first issue I had with her was when she had her partner at the time stay over. I told her I didn’t want men I didn’t know in the house and her partner in particular made me very uncomfortable. She had him stay over anyway and then after I had a chat with her to let her know how this made me feel, she had him over till one in the morning about a month ago.

She has since broken up with him, and this evening went on a date with a man she met online. She does not know this man at all and he is in his 30s (we are both 20s). She then brought him home and woke me up by having very loud sex. I have been unable to fall back asleep as I have been quite anxious about having a strange man she’s known for a few hours in the house. He could be anyone for all I know.

Just before Xmas she quit her job as she couldn’t hack doing nights anymore. She is now on UC; and is behind on rent. Our agreement says rent is weekly but she pays monthly in arrears if you see what I mean? She missed the Jan payment and has told me she will be unable to pay any extra this month (so assuming she pays be next week as normal she will still be four weeks behind ifyswim?) - I will add she always seems to have money for tobacco but that’s by-the-by I suppose.

As she is not working she has the heating on all day and my last gas bill was over £100.

The main reason I want to end the agreement is because she obviously doesn’t respect that this is my home and property and doesn’t respect that I don’t want strange men in it! However, I wonder if I would be better off making the arrears the “official” reason?

Do I have to give her a months notice or just a week - the agreement is weekly rent (in writing) but as I say she pays monthly.

The only thing is if I evicted her, she would have no where to go; she has no family local apart from her mum and the whole reason she ended up here is cos her mum threw her out. But I can’t keep living like this!

Thanks.

Here's a slightly less confrontational approach.

Tell her last night/this morning was not OK because it meant you got a terrible night's sleep due to the noise and worrying.

It's reminded you why you like living on your own and why you'd like her to move out by X date.

What you choose to do about the arrears is your choice but if she wants to remain your friend she needs to pay them by Y date.

On the day, plan on taking a day off work to make sure she goes.

This. And as soon as she has gone get the locks changed

She’d be put today if it were me. And I’d be chasing every penny of rent owed. Cheeky mare

Unfortunately I work in a profession where I do not get to choose when to take leave. If I want to be home on the day she leaves, I will have to either be “sick” or make it a weekend.

I have just printed her notice to quit - I’ve given her one weeks notice. I’ve kept the notice short and factual, but have text her to say the bloke needs to be gone and we need to chat tonight. I will tell her that I feel she has betrayed my trust, that I no longer feel safe in my own home now I know she is willing to bring random men back and therefore she needs to leave.

I would also take a days leave and ask someone to come to your property with you to ensure you’re safe whilst you sort this.

I’d ask her to pack her things straight away, I don’t even think you need to explain your reasoning. When she begs that there’s no where else to go your simple only answer needs to be- I know, which is why I thought you’d treat me and my home with respect, instead I’ve been left feeling scared in my own home.

I’d also ensure you get your locks changed. You could probably do that yourself.

Good luck op.

Some people just can’t be helped and will destroy every opportunity of help they get given, this is not your responsibility to deal with.

Lol at the people telling the Op to call the police before shes even asked the man to leave....police rarely turn up to a burglary nowadays so good luck with that !!!!

Id be on the phone now telling her to get rid of him from your home. And then serve the notice and tell her to fuck off. I would also take her key off her for the remainder of the week, or at least drop the latch if she wasn't in when I went to bed. And once she has gone change your locks.

I agree she needs to leave. I hope she goes quietly without a fuss and you can get your life and your home back.

She's massively taking the piss. If she's behind on her rent can you not just ask her to leave today.

Op, she’s got no where to go. Giving her a weeks notice just gives her days to work out how to manipulate you and make it harder for you to make her go.

I wish you good luck! But you’re being extremely kind, too kind!

Good luck later. Stand firm.

Hope she takes it well.

Why did her mum ask her to move out, just out of interest?

@fedup21

Her mum asked her to leave because at the time she (the daughter) was working and it affected her (the mother’s) benefits

A week is plenty of notice, but she's probably going to try and guilt you into letting her stay, so prepare for that. She won't be left homeless, it may be a B&B for a while but she won't be homeless.

The rent being unpaid is grounds for eviction but as far as having her boyfriend/date back - she is renting a room and does have a right to enjoy her home, to say no guests is very draconian. I suggest that if you don't want a lodger to bring people into the house you don't have one. I have a lodger, she does warn me when she is having friends over but it's her home, I can't expect her to be a nun!

She is certainly not your friend OP.

You and your home are a convenience.

@okiedokieme

I wouldn’t mind so much an established boyfriend, but this was a bloke she met online and had known in person for less than three hours... he could have been anyone and I will not have her bringing random men into my home. For all I know I could have woken up with no car, or no electronics or he could have been violent.

She is a lodger, not a tenant, she does not have exclusive use of even her room - I go in there to collect plates she never brings down for instance. It is my house, and if I want a no overnight guests rule I will have one.

Op information from Shelter
england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/eviction/eviction_of_lodgers_and_other_excluded_occupiers

YANBU. Universal credit pay advances so people don’t get behind on their rent, sounds like she pissed it all away. If I was you I would of made her leave in the middle of the night, so dont feel bad. She sounds awful.

So now she’s not working she CAN go back to her Mums

@GinDrinker00

She was given an advance which she used to pay December rent and then did whatever with the rest. When it came to Jan she was told she was sanctioned for quitting her job and so wouldn’t be getting any until Feb.

She’s not your friend OP, she’s taking the piss and friends don’t do that. Just look forward to having your home back to yourself in a weeks time.

Stick to your guns OP, even if she says she'll not bring blokes back any more and pay the rent etc. She's an awful tenant, I remember your last post.

Get her out of your life once and for all, make sure she is clear she's got a week and actually goes!

Whilst you might have write off the rent she owes eventually I would still make it clear she owes you £x whatever the amount is and chase it.

Honestly you'll be so much happier when she's gone.

Formal eviction notice with 4 weeks notice
Be Prepared to lose the ‘friend’ but gain your sanity back

It never fails to amaze me just how thoughtful victims of pisstakers are, how much handwringing the victims do when they are merely looking for decency and respect.

I have been guilty of this too, OP, worrying about the feelings of people who were treating me with utter disrespect in my own home. For the love of God, kick her out with the minimum of notice. She doesn't care about your welfare or about your personal safety. Why should you show her anything but the same disdain?

Make sure to change all the locks. Make sure she does not leave a single personal belonging in your home. Cut contact with her forever. She is not a friend.