To finally evict my lodger, even though she will end up homelss

[Throwawaytheatre]

Hi all,

Posting more for advice, but a little bit of aibu too...

Currently lying awake with worry and anxiety despite having to be up for work in less than four hours.

I’ve posted about my lodger before. She’s an old friend of mine and things started well. However; the past few months have been hard work. The first issue I had with her was when she had her partner at the time stay over. I told her I didn’t want men I didn’t know in the house and her partner in particular made me very uncomfortable. She had him stay over anyway and then after I had a chat with her to let her know how this made me feel, she had him over till one in the morning about a month ago.

She has since broken up with him, and this evening went on a date with a man she met online. She does not know this man at all and he is in his 30s (we are both 20s). She then brought him home and woke me up by having very loud sex. I have been unable to fall back asleep as I have been quite anxious about having a strange man she’s known for a few hours in the house. He could be anyone for all I know.

Just before Xmas she quit her job as she couldn’t hack doing nights anymore. She is now on UC; and is behind on rent. Our agreement says rent is weekly but she pays monthly in arrears if you see what I mean? She missed the Jan payment and has told me she will be unable to pay any extra this month (so assuming she pays be next week as normal she will still be four weeks behind ifyswim?) - I will add she always seems to have money for tobacco but that’s by-the-by I suppose.

As she is not working she has the heating on all day and my last gas bill was over £100.

The main reason I want to end the agreement is because she obviously doesn’t respect that this is my home and property and doesn’t respect that I don’t want strange men in it! However, I wonder if I would be better off making the arrears the “official” reason?

Do I have to give her a months notice or just a week - the agreement is weekly rent (in writing) but as I say she pays monthly.

The only thing is if I evicted her, she would have no where to go; she has no family local apart from her mum and the whole reason she ended up here is cos her mum threw her out. But I can’t keep living like this!

Thanks.

I'm sorry but that's not your friend, how rude and disrespectful absolutely tell her to leave. if she has nowhere to go it is not your problem, she has treated you very poorly after you doing her a massive favour the situation is entirely her own making!

@Penners99 yes NOW.

@Kaykay066 but the OP has that problem (of feeling unsafe) in her own home that she pays her mortgage for! Yes it's crap that it may be a b&b for however long, but then you would assume the lodger would have followed whatever rules her landlady had set, so she's got noone to blame but herself.

Week’s notice, max. She can afford to go out and buy fags but not pay rent? Cheeky bitch.

Give her weeks written notice then change locks. Shes not a friend. She owes you money. Might need to go through court to get that or just let that part go. Just get her out!

@Kaykay066 she had somewhere nice to stay before she screwed it up. She will have a roof over her head and needs to claw her way into her own place, not OP responsibility.

Anyway get that man OUT

Can you trust her to go quietly? I mean once you give her notice do you trust her being alone in your home while you are at work? Would it be worth taking those days off work? She has shown no respect for you and may try to get revenge.

Get her out.
As you are discovering, people make their own problems. Behind their misfortune is a lot of self indulgent, irresponsible and self destructive behaviour, iced with a whole load of manipulation to get you to rescue them and feel responsible.

When I left for work the man was still there. I didn’t know what else to do... in hindsight I wish I’d been brave enough to open her bedroom door and demand the man left when I did.

Now people mention it, I am concerned about her reaction during the notice period; but I don’t really see what I can do about it.

Oh shit will he be gone before you go to work? Phone police

X post

Surely the police won’t do anything? I’ll just have to hope he leaves without doing anything untoward.

Phone the police ? Don't be bloody ridiculous. Op hasn't even asked him to leave.

She's taking the piss.
You are not responsible for her and her own actions have caused this. Remember that when the crocodile tears start falling.

Her own mother got to a point where she had had enough and clearly your friend learned nothing.

When you give her the "get out" notice, include in writing that she is not to have any visitors during the notice period. Fucking cheek.

OP you're your own worst enemy

I remember your previous thread. Get rid of her & do not feel guilty. She’s not your friend. She’s a user. And yes change the locks!

I’d probably pack her bags tonight after work & throw her out. She can go & stay with her new bloke.

I vaguely remember your last thread. Do you have anyone that could support you in telling her to fuck off? I don't think you have mentioned if you have a written contract?

Just tell her to leave. No notice required. Lodgers - official or not - are not tenants. Make sure you are in the house when she leaves. Change locks afterwards.

How stressful. After doing her a favour she's behaved appallingly. You're completely right to evict her.

She's telling you clearly what she thinks of you by ignoring you re men.

Get her out yanbu.

And yes, to bring people back after you have specifically told her not to is a big 'fuck you' isn't it? Chuck her out and don't look back. She's taking the piss, probably doesn't like or respect you and so doesn't deserve the kindness you are doing her.

I had a similar situation and contacted the police. They said they would attend to prevent a breach of the peace if, on moving day, the lodger refused to move out. I luckily didn’t need to do this, but they will attend and may be worth contacting them in advance?

No doubt she will play the victim. Be prepared. No apologies no explanations, no arguments. She was told what she had to do, pay rent on time and no men. She has ignored both.
After that she will be angry and accusatory. Stick to it. I could understand the switch on rent payments but with no plans to pay the arrears, that is not acceptable. Having her there is costing you money and making you feel unsafe now.
She had been warned. You are not her mother and she has to learn that actions have consequences.
Make sure those locks are changed immediately she goes.
Best of luck op.

She is neither your friend, nor your responsibility. She has lost her place to stay due to her reckless and dangerous behaviour. She has put herself in danger, you in danger and your property in danger. She could be shagging with randoms while you are out all day. How could you ever trust her? She is no friend, she is a selfish user.
I would ring her today and tell her she needs to be gone back to her mums by the time you are home. If you can get to go home early, I would take a half days leave and get back to your property, (having stopped at B&Q on the way to buy a new lock barrel and a jumbo roll of bin bags) and help her leave.