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AIBU?

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Original poster

To finally evict my lodger, even though she will end up homelss

612 replies

Throwawaytheatre · 24/02/2020 02:08

Hi all,

Posting more for advice, but a little bit of aibu too...

Currently lying awake with worry and anxiety despite having to be up for work in less than four hours.

I’ve posted about my lodger before. She’s an old friend of mine and things started well. However; the past few months have been hard work. The first issue I had with her was when she had her partner at the time stay over. I told her I didn’t want men I didn’t know in the house and her partner in particular made me very uncomfortable. She had him stay over anyway and then after I had a chat with her to let her know how this made me feel, she had him over till one in the morning about a month ago.

She has since broken up with him, and this evening went on a date with a man she met online. She does not know this man at all and he is in his 30s (we are both 20s). She then brought him home and woke me up by having very loud sex. I have been unable to fall back asleep as I have been quite anxious about having a strange man she’s known for a few hours in the house. He could be anyone for all I know.

Just before Xmas she quit her job as she couldn’t hack doing nights anymore. She is now on UC; and is behind on rent. Our agreement says rent is weekly but she pays monthly in arrears if you see what I mean? She missed the Jan payment and has told me she will be unable to pay any extra this month (so assuming she pays be next week as normal she will still be four weeks behind ifyswim?) - I will add she always seems to have money for tobacco but that’s by-the-by I suppose.

As she is not working she has the heating on all day and my last gas bill was over £100.

The main reason I want to end the agreement is because she obviously doesn’t respect that this is my home and property and doesn’t respect that I don’t want strange men in it! However, I wonder if I would be better off making the arrears the “official” reason?

Do I have to give her a months notice or just a week - the agreement is weekly rent (in writing) but as I say she pays monthly.

The only thing is if I evicted her, she would have no where to go; she has no family local apart from her mum and the whole reason she ended up here is cos her mum threw her out. But I can’t keep living like this!

Thanks.

OP posts:
Amatteroftime · 24/02/2020 04:31

Out, sorry for the typo

BlackCatSleeping · 24/02/2020 04:38

I’m guessing the last time you posted, everyone told you to get rid of her, but I think it can be quite difficult evicting people like this and you may need to be more proactive in getting rid of her. Can you go down to the housing center one day with her and help her fill out the forms? I know you shouldn’t have to but I think unless you really force her out, she won’t go.

Canadianpancake · 24/02/2020 05:02

From what remember, the rent is minimal anyway isn't it @Throwawaytheatre? She's taking the micky and it's not really your problem where she goes, I'm sure she'll find someone else to sponge off. It seems your friendship is pretty damaged now anyway thanks to her, so you just need to reassert your boundaries and tell her to leave.

Beautiful3 · 24/02/2020 05:06

I siuld actually give her a week to move out. Its affecting your sleep. Say I want you gone by the weekend as you haven't paid the rent. Also you've brought a stranger back, had loud sex, preventing me from sleeping.

mathanxiety · 24/02/2020 05:07

You need to accept that the friendship is now over, and that for the last few months it has been all one way.

If you have a written contract you need to study it for terms referring to eviction, including how much notice you must give. Follow the contract to the letter.

For the purposes of giving notice, cite the rent arrears and also the breach of the house rules/personal safety issue. On the day, plan on taking a day off work to make sure she goes. If she complains, objects, or seems to be refusing to co-operate, tell her you will refund her deposit in full if she leaves when she is supposed to.

Make it clear that if she doesn't leave when required to you will start totting up damage and subtracting it from the deposit, or use her deposit in lieu of unpaid rent - you are allowed to do this. You are not allowed to deduct from her deposit on grounds that she had men over unless this caused you actual financial loss so don't get that issue mixed up. The rent arrears and any physical damage are your only possible grounds for threatening to retain or deduct from her deposit. (Reasonable wear and tear is not damage).
Essentially you would be offering her money to leave you in peace.

You don't have to go to court to evict a lodger, but if she refuses to vacate, you can get a possession order as long as you have given 'reasonable' notice.

If you don't have a written contract then you can give her verbal or written notice to leave. Given that she is supposed to pay weekly, a week would be reasonable, but in order to look compassionate, two weeks would be better.

Make sure you change your locks after she leaves.

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/02/2020 05:09

I would give her a week max to leave. She is on a rolling weekly contract so one week is sufficient under the circumstances. The law isn’t clear on this. However, a week should be seen as sufficient. Do it in writing so she can give it to the housing officer. Make sure you lock away / remove everything of value before you tell her.

mathanxiety · 24/02/2020 05:09
  • I would not rely on verbal notice as she could deny every hearing you tell her about it. Give her written notice.
ivykaty44 · 24/02/2020 05:52

Give her notice & advice her to go to the council who will house her as homeless, in actual fact it’s easier to get housed when homeless than if you have a roof over your head

Tell her to inform council she’s himeless through no fault of her own and they will have to sort something

Give her notice today and give her a lift to council offices

Londonborncatty · 24/02/2020 05:53

I hope you get this sorted quickly OP. When she leaves, change your locks too. Will give you peace of mind x

Original poster
Throwawaytheatre · 24/02/2020 05:58

I’m going to give her written notice after work today.

I’ve also turned up at work early and accident set the alarm off; and I’ve been rained on too so my day is just absolutely perfect so far.

OP posts:
mylittleboo · 24/02/2020 05:59

She’s not exactly in a position to pay to take you to court is she so I’d do what you want. Tell her she’s out by the weekend. Tell her you’ve had enough and last night was the final straw. She’s unbelievable. Absolutely taking the piss. Now you know why her mother chucked her out! She’s shagging some bloke she’s only just met! Jesus...get rid of her and keep us updated!

ivykaty44 · 24/02/2020 06:03

This person losing with you, it’s sofa surfing as she wasn’t paying before Xmas when you write

This is a friend taking the piss out of you

You don’t need to give her a weeks notice and she’ll do nothing in that week anyway
Tell her to get to council and declare herself homeless ASAP as you need the room back and she’s outstayed her welcome

TiggerOfThigh · 24/02/2020 06:06

I’m sure there’s plenty of mumsnetters that can come and visit you if you need an excuse...

TiggerOfThigh · 24/02/2020 06:07

Oh, and she’s completely taking the piss. Get rid ASAP.

Blondie1984 · 24/02/2020 06:08

It sounds like she has a new male friend - maybe she can go stay with him

FortunesFave · 24/02/2020 06:11

Good luck OP....don't worry too much ....she certainly isn't!

If she gives you ANY trouble or won't actually leave, you can call the police.

TheSerenDipitY · 24/02/2020 06:13

if i were you i would very loudly open my door, stomp up the hall way and slam her door open and scream GET THE FUCK OUT and SHUT THE FUCK UP at her and him and usher them both to the door and lock it behind them

Frownette · 24/02/2020 06:18

He's still there?! Music on full blast', scream at him to go, phone police

Frownette · 24/02/2020 06:18

Actually just phone police now

Nanny0gg · 24/02/2020 06:19

The advice wont change from when you posted before.

She needs to go. One weeks notice tonight.

coconuttelegraph · 24/02/2020 06:26

She definitely needs to be but I'd be worried about what she might do during the weeks notice when you are out at work all day. I don't know what to suggest but be aware that there could be problems

Jellybeansincognito · 24/02/2020 06:27

i wouldn’t give her a week personally- I reckon she’ll trash your house/ make excuses.

I’d go and make her pack up and leave tonight to be honest.

You’ve tried to help, you’re her last chance and she disrespected you.

The only one to blame is herself.

Kaykay066 · 24/02/2020 06:28

I agree ask her to leave - give written notice she will need this for council

But easy to be housed when homeless?
Have you ever been in that position?
As a single woman or like me with kids 2 weeks in b&b another 2 in a horrible house where we didn’t feel safe then 2 years in a tiny temp housing where everything breaks yep real fun!!

Perhaps she will be housed or go back to her mother but she needs to learn how to behave in other peoples homes what a nightmare

Veterinari · 24/02/2020 06:30

Give her written notice to leave - she'll need to take evidence to the council so they can arrange housing

Penners99 · 24/02/2020 06:30

Out, now.

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