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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To finally evict my lodger, even though she will end up homelss

612 replies

Throwawaytheatre · 24/02/2020 02:08

Hi all,

Posting more for advice, but a little bit of aibu too...

Currently lying awake with worry and anxiety despite having to be up for work in less than four hours.

I’ve posted about my lodger before. She’s an old friend of mine and things started well. However; the past few months have been hard work. The first issue I had with her was when she had her partner at the time stay over. I told her I didn’t want men I didn’t know in the house and her partner in particular made me very uncomfortable. She had him stay over anyway and then after I had a chat with her to let her know how this made me feel, she had him over till one in the morning about a month ago.

She has since broken up with him, and this evening went on a date with a man she met online. She does not know this man at all and he is in his 30s (we are both 20s). She then brought him home and woke me up by having very loud sex. I have been unable to fall back asleep as I have been quite anxious about having a strange man she’s known for a few hours in the house. He could be anyone for all I know.

Just before Xmas she quit her job as she couldn’t hack doing nights anymore. She is now on UC; and is behind on rent. Our agreement says rent is weekly but she pays monthly in arrears if you see what I mean? She missed the Jan payment and has told me she will be unable to pay any extra this month (so assuming she pays be next week as normal she will still be four weeks behind ifyswim?) - I will add she always seems to have money for tobacco but that’s by-the-by I suppose.

As she is not working she has the heating on all day and my last gas bill was over £100.

The main reason I want to end the agreement is because she obviously doesn’t respect that this is my home and property and doesn’t respect that I don’t want strange men in it! However, I wonder if I would be better off making the arrears the “official” reason?

Do I have to give her a months notice or just a week - the agreement is weekly rent (in writing) but as I say she pays monthly.

The only thing is if I evicted her, she would have no where to go; she has no family local apart from her mum and the whole reason she ended up here is cos her mum threw her out. But I can’t keep living like this!

Thanks.

OP posts:
Goldandgold · 24/02/2020 08:23

Her and her best mate wouldn’t keep you up all night having sex would they?

What a bitch. Kick her out.

Wereallsquare · 24/02/2020 08:24

Reiterating that you should give her the minimum required notice. The posters worrying about this CF's fortune and saying that her disturbing your peace and bringing potential danger into your home is her business are wrong.

I would not be having a discussion with her at all. I would give her the minimum notice and if you legally have to give her a reason, use the arrears as the reason. Otherwise no discussion.

Do you have a (male) friend who can come and stay with you in case she wants to kick off?

Do you have a lock on your bedroom door?

Original poster
Throwawaytheatre · 24/02/2020 08:25

Her attitude is appalling. If I was wavering before, I’m not now. She is four weeks in arrears - cheeky cow.

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 24/02/2020 08:26

Based on your latest updates you should give her 48 hours notice only.

At first I thought a week was reasonable but her attitude absolutely stinks. She is insisting on her right to bring strangers back to YOUR home which means that she could do so every night until she leaves. She is also behind on rent. I suspect that she is going to be very difficult when she realises you're giving her notice to leave. It's going to be an awkward and unpleasant notice period.

As PPs have pointed out, she is an "excluded occupier" not a tenant, you can make her leave for any reason, you don't need grounds for eviction or a court order, and you only need to give "reasonable notice" - this is not defined in law and depends on circumstances.

The law protects you because you are a resident landlord and it reflects the fact that she is living in your home.

Give her 48 hours (starting tonight when you hand her the letter) and if she's not gone by Wednesday evening, change the locks on Thursday.

You shouldn't bank on getting any of the rent she owes you, either. You would probably have to send her a letter before action and if she ignores it you'd have to go to small claims court.

The friendship is well and truly over.

Wereallsquare · 24/02/2020 08:26

OP, stop entertaining discussion with her. BOUNDARIES!!!

Bitofnamechanging · 24/02/2020 08:26

She's got some attitude. I wish I would be ballsy enough to have her out tonight but I know I wouldn't. I hope you're ok op!

AnotherEmma · 24/02/2020 08:27

@mathanxiety
You are wrong, do educate yourself about the basics of housing law before giving wrong advice. The shelter website is an excellent resource.

Aliensrus · 24/02/2020 08:27

I’d send her this link in response: www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/renting-a-home/subletting-and-lodging/lodging/lodging/

She is challenging you because she does not respect you and thinks she can push you around. I think you should get her out now by telling her to pack her stuff and go to her mum’s.

I’d even consider taking an emergency day of leave or pulling a sickie to go home and get out her today. She needs to be out the door, locks changed and you can pack her stuff and take it to her mum’s.

I hate confrontation too but this woman is not your friend.

Sorry you’re going through this.

leckford · 24/02/2020 08:27

I don’t think lodgers have many rights, you need to get rid of her. I would rather have a smaller place to live than a lodger

TeeBee · 24/02/2020 08:28

So do you have a written agreement with her OP? You mention 'agreement' but not whether this is in writing. If she is supposed to pay rent weekly, a week's notice appears reasonable.
She probably does have the option of going to her mum's if she's not working but that's not your concern. She's no friend. She's a user.

dottiedodah · 24/02/2020 08:28

Well this is completely unacceptable isnt it ? I would tell her tonight she has 2 weeks to move out .If shes an old friend then obviously taking advantage of you .Strange men is also well off ,but even if she had her fiance over ,its still invading your privacy .Just say to her its been a while and you need your house back.(Not to mention the unpaid rent obv)! The Council are obliged to put her up or she can return to her family .Either way not your problem!

mathanxiety · 24/02/2020 08:30

She can impose any rule but she has no hope of enforcing one that relates to behaviour that is legal as long as there are no H&S rules at issue (smoking for instance).

frillyfarmer · 24/02/2020 08:30

OP I'm a chartered surveyor and I deal with a lot of residential tenancies and lodgers as part of my profession - you are getting a lot of well meaning but incorrect advice from this thread.

If there is no specified notice provision in the agreement, the common law fall back will be the rental period, which you have stated should be weekly, therefore give her a week.

I would call in a sick day next Monday when then notice expires and see that everything is taken, along with having a locksmith there and then so she can not regain entry.

By the way she has responded via text, you cannot trust her not to do something stupid so I would be on your guard. Do you have parents or siblings locally who could come over?

GinDrinker00 · 24/02/2020 08:32

Wow what an entitled little mare! No wonder her mum kicked her out.
Evict her on the grounds of rent arrears, don’t forget to ask for your keys back.

Stinkycatbreath · 24/02/2020 08:34

If you are feeling like it you are within your rights as she is a lodger to give very minimal notice. A week would be reasonable a month would be generous with it would come a good talking to and a warning that I will put her out sooner if she doesn't stick by the rules in the meantime. Who does she think she is?

honeylulu · 24/02/2020 08:34

Legally she is a mere licensee (no exclusive possession of property as you continue to share the home). You are correct that this makes her an excluded occupier ie can lawfully be evicted without a court order.

She should be given "reasonable notice" to vacate, typically one complete rental period (one week if paid weekly etc). Consider carefully if you formally agreed to change her rental period from weekly to monthly.

If she doesn't go you can just change the locks when she's out and state that you will make her possessions available for collection at an agreed time. If not collected after a reasonable period (say, 21 days) they will be disposed of. In the meantime do not leave them anywhere they could be damaged or stolen.

Don't feel bad, just get rid. The friendship is over anyway.

BTW I'm a solicitor, not a landlord and tenant one but I have ridimentary knowledge.

mathanxiety · 24/02/2020 08:34

I am very familiar with the Shelter website, thanks.

The OP is failing to tell the lodger that she must leave and why. By focusing on the sex she is leaving herself open to challenge, argument, and no move on the part of the lodger.

She should tell the lodger to leave by X date and tell her if she isn't gone by then the OP will keep her deposit in lieu of a portion of the rent the lodger owes. If gone by then she will get her deposit back.

notasportymum · 24/02/2020 08:35

and there are her true colours. sounds like she's going to argue the toss. fuck that. don't let this hardcase bully you in your own home.

Make it clear she was a lodger, not renting and reply that it is YOUR home, she has ceased to pay you for the use of it and who she brings into it very much your business. These were the agreed house rules, she has broken those so the agreement is void. Don't make it about the random man over 1 night so much as her inability/unwillingness to pay (yes, unwillingness, if she's prioritising nights out and tobacco). Give her a weeks notice and cut your losses, you won't see the arrears but you'll have your home back.

Itsonlywords · 24/02/2020 08:36

I agree with everyone else, hope it goes smoothly she sounds selfish. She can move back to her mum's not she hasn't got a job, can't she?

mathanxiety · 24/02/2020 08:37

Still no answer as to whether there is a written contract/agreement or a written change to it reflecting the changed rent period and payment in arrears (OP shouldn't have agreed to this).

notasportymum · 24/02/2020 08:37

just read your update. she won't talk to you! cheeky fucker.

text her back, tell her she has 24 hours to get out. No discussion.

Figgygal · 24/02/2020 08:37

Well that’s that friendship over
Deal with her when you get home don’t drip feed it by text
She is a cheeky madam considering she’s not paid any rent she’s pushed you too far I can’t blame you

PurpleCrazyHorse · 24/02/2020 08:37

I would not have a discussion with her as there is nothing to discuss. She doesn't get a say you are simply telling her. Hand her a letter stating when she needs to leave, I'm not sure what would be classed as 'reasonable' and it depends I guess on what you feel comfortable with. Maybe Saturday might be good as you can't have days off during the week and it gives you time to get a friend to come over for support?

Follow up with a text re-iterating what's in the letter so you have some proof in case she denies having a letter.

Get yourself a new lock barrel ready to go. It's fairly easy to change especially if you have a look on YouTube first. Change it the moment she goes (ensure you specify a time otherwise you'll be up until midnight no doubt).

Crazyoldmaurice · 24/02/2020 08:39

I would reply and tell her;

Fine. We'll do it the hard way if you wont chat in person.

Firstly you do not rent from me, you are a lodger not a tenant. Thus you do not legally have the rights of a tenant and if I stipulate no strangers in my house then I expect that to be respected. I have rights to refuse anyone on MY premises.

Secondly you are 4 weeks behind in arrears.

Thirdly you cant expect something to be none of my business when you kept me awake all night shagging. I am now exhausted.

I am serving you notice. Pack your stuff and leave. You have till tonight; as you are not working currently you have today to pack.

billy1966 · 24/02/2020 08:40

OP, she is not your friend.

Do not expect to be friends after this.
She doesn't want to be your friend.
You and your home are a convenience.

You are confusing the issue and making all of this harded because you would like to stay friends with someone who thinks, treats and speaks to you like you are a complete MUG.

I would tell you want her out in 2 days. Change the locks and pack up any additional stuff and drop it to her mother's.

Do not think about her in this. She thinks it's ok to bring randomers home despite being asked not to, and her attitude is Fxxx you.

Have someone over with you to support you.

She's well capable of being nasty over this.

Then I would take a break from lodgers until you have had a look at your self esteem.

You seem to be a very gentle person who is ripe for being taken advantage of.

You need your learn to protect yourself.Flowers