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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My colleague is lying about his fathers death.

362 replies

concerned90 · 23/02/2020 18:18

I've created a throwaway account to post this, as I am concerned any colleagues who see it will be able to connect it to my previous posts about my husband/children and it will be very outing.

Some relevant back story about my colleague who we'll call Dave. Dave is a big Facebook user, an over sharer if you will. Everything about his life, his wife, his child. Dave has form for leaving work early, and has become a little infamous for it. Now, tied in with the Facebook obsession, this has proved Dave to be a liar. Two examples: Dave leaves work an hour after coming in as his son his ill. Three hours later, he uploads a photo of his son sat in McDonald's after a cinema trip. This is during the school holidays. Dave leaves work early as his son has broken his leg and he needs to get to A&E to see him. Two days later, he uploads a video of his son jumping on a trampoline. Comments confirm the video was taken that day.

For the last 4/5 months, Dave has spoken about his father being ill/having dementia. This has also been plastered all over Facebook. About a month ago, Dave comes round to every member of the team individually to let us know his father has died. We all offer our condolences, a manager even drops him home as he doesn't drive. All normal.

Dave deletes his Facebook the moment he gets home. Now this is unusual for somebody so obsessed, but perhaps he needs a break.

Dave's now used up our company bereavement policy but some emergency holiday has been arranged to allow him more time off. Dave comes back on Facebook, but no mention of his father. No comments or anything from his family/friends. No mention of the funeral. This is obviously strange for a man who has posted so much about his father, and other normally private things.

On his birthday, his mother puts a post on Facebook 'happy birthday Dave, love mum and dad'. Dave removes this from his Facebook wall so it doesn't show anymore, but as he was tagged it still shows up on our Facebook feed. We alert the manager, who expresses concern but also advises we need to tread carefully as this could just be habit from his mother as the death has been so recent. Fine.

Another colleague, who we'll call Karen returns from long term sick. Karen asks where Dave has been. We explain that his father has died. Karen posts on Dave's wall saying sorry for the loss of your dad, let me know if I can do anything.

Dave removes the post immediately. He messages Karen saying he doesn't want people knowing his business. Strange thing for a chronic over sharer to say. Dave then deletes his Facebook again.

Over the weekend, another colleague who we'll call Tim, gets into conversation with an old friend. The old friend is married to Dave's cousin. Tim says how sorry he is about the death of Dave's father. The old friend advises that as far as he knew, Dave's father has not died as they have not heard anything.

Now, in my gut I know his father has not died. My head says that all we have is circumstantial evidence, and a conversation in pub. I don't know what to do. Do I talk to senior management? Am I going to walk into a meeting and seem like a crazy person?

AIBU to come to the conclusion that his father has not died and he has taken advantage of the managers being very kind to allow him a month off when usually somebody would get 5 days?

Tell me what you think/and what I should do.

OP posts:
bookgirl1982 · 09/03/2020 10:30

I'd be checking that the sick note is genuine with the doctors surgery.

BloggersBlog · 09/03/2020 13:39

If he has a bad back problem I am pretty sure he can get one for 6 weeks. I did, but this was a long while ago

sleepymummy2019 · 09/03/2020 13:44

Misconduct investigations will be ongoing while he’s on leave though surely? Being off sick is his way of avoiding the confrontation, it doesn’t change what he’s done

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/03/2020 14:41

Misconduct investigations will be ongoing while he’s on leave though surely?

Given that OP said he was already on a final written warning, I expect that's exactly what'll happen

LaneBoy · 09/03/2020 14:49

Wow. So he’s also told the doctor some bullshit story presumably in order to get that long a sick note. What a charmer.

Mayhapitis · 09/03/2020 17:41

Any news OP?

zeeboo · 09/03/2020 18:09

He's probably told the GP that he's lost his father and that his employer wouldn't give him time off so he's got a backdated med cert for depression.

strawberry2017 · 22/03/2020 20:32

What an absolute piece of shit.
He deserves a special place in hell for that lie!

VadenuRewetje · 23/03/2020 05:29

I suspect that this whole incident will be brushed under the carpet now though. everyone had much bigger things to worry about now. hr won't want to try to formally establish the precise extent of his deviousness while the whole corona situation is ongoing surely? and by the time things are approaching normality again will it be all too long ago? so maybe he got away with this one - but he will slip up again.

44PumpLane · 23/03/2020 16:20

To those questioning the same day docs apt, jiat depends where you are. I got in on Friday with one of my twins.

Rang GP at 2pm, doc telephone triaged then asked us to come in (no CV symptoms) and saw us and prescribed by 2.30.

But then again I do bloody love my surgery.

Also, colleague sounds like a total CF!

Zombiemum1946 · 23/03/2020 16:39

Check his mum's Facebook page. I would doubt that there wouldn't be a reference to the death there or on any other family member page. Seems like quite extreme lengths to go to for time off. To have such a run up to it as well. A planned holiday, childcare issues ?

Zombiemum1946 · 23/03/2020 16:49

Apologies I only just saw the update. It does seem an incredibly odd situation. He's not going to be working there long at this rate.

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