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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My colleague is lying about his fathers death.

362 replies

concerned90 · 23/02/2020 18:18

I've created a throwaway account to post this, as I am concerned any colleagues who see it will be able to connect it to my previous posts about my husband/children and it will be very outing.

Some relevant back story about my colleague who we'll call Dave. Dave is a big Facebook user, an over sharer if you will. Everything about his life, his wife, his child. Dave has form for leaving work early, and has become a little infamous for it. Now, tied in with the Facebook obsession, this has proved Dave to be a liar. Two examples: Dave leaves work an hour after coming in as his son his ill. Three hours later, he uploads a photo of his son sat in McDonald's after a cinema trip. This is during the school holidays. Dave leaves work early as his son has broken his leg and he needs to get to A&E to see him. Two days later, he uploads a video of his son jumping on a trampoline. Comments confirm the video was taken that day.

For the last 4/5 months, Dave has spoken about his father being ill/having dementia. This has also been plastered all over Facebook. About a month ago, Dave comes round to every member of the team individually to let us know his father has died. We all offer our condolences, a manager even drops him home as he doesn't drive. All normal.

Dave deletes his Facebook the moment he gets home. Now this is unusual for somebody so obsessed, but perhaps he needs a break.

Dave's now used up our company bereavement policy but some emergency holiday has been arranged to allow him more time off. Dave comes back on Facebook, but no mention of his father. No comments or anything from his family/friends. No mention of the funeral. This is obviously strange for a man who has posted so much about his father, and other normally private things.

On his birthday, his mother puts a post on Facebook 'happy birthday Dave, love mum and dad'. Dave removes this from his Facebook wall so it doesn't show anymore, but as he was tagged it still shows up on our Facebook feed. We alert the manager, who expresses concern but also advises we need to tread carefully as this could just be habit from his mother as the death has been so recent. Fine.

Another colleague, who we'll call Karen returns from long term sick. Karen asks where Dave has been. We explain that his father has died. Karen posts on Dave's wall saying sorry for the loss of your dad, let me know if I can do anything.

Dave removes the post immediately. He messages Karen saying he doesn't want people knowing his business. Strange thing for a chronic over sharer to say. Dave then deletes his Facebook again.

Over the weekend, another colleague who we'll call Tim, gets into conversation with an old friend. The old friend is married to Dave's cousin. Tim says how sorry he is about the death of Dave's father. The old friend advises that as far as he knew, Dave's father has not died as they have not heard anything.

Now, in my gut I know his father has not died. My head says that all we have is circumstantial evidence, and a conversation in pub. I don't know what to do. Do I talk to senior management? Am I going to walk into a meeting and seem like a crazy person?

AIBU to come to the conclusion that his father has not died and he has taken advantage of the managers being very kind to allow him a month off when usually somebody would get 5 days?

Tell me what you think/and what I should do.

OP posts:
Patroclus · 06/03/2020 22:59

Arggh fucking cunts doing this with sick notes make it so much harder for actually ill people.

Patroclus · 06/03/2020 23:00

Bet he does a dan mallory and claims he has bi polar disorder or something as well

partofthepeanutgallery · 06/03/2020 23:34

So he gets to be signed off to delay facing the music ... wow.

overnightangel · 07/03/2020 00:03

How has he managed to get a sick note for 6 weeks???

WaterOffADucksCrack · 07/03/2020 03:26

What a coward. How is his wife going to be able to look at him?!

TheTiaraManager · 07/03/2020 07:51

Still think this is sick of Dave! It's stupid of him to just get a sick note as he could still lose his job during this time for lying

FilledSoda · 07/03/2020 08:04

What a dick !
Still I'd be pleased the truth came out

emilybrontescorsett · 07/03/2020 08:10

What a c.f. Dave is.
My dh sacked someone for lying over the death of his grandparent.
He had had numerous time off for his grandparents' funerals.
Unbeknownst to the cfer , my dh kept a note of these things. He asked the man involved how many grandparents he had. C.f. Confirmed 4. Oh that's strange then said dh as all 4 of them have already died!
C.f. Had no answer.

pussycatinboots · 07/03/2020 08:11

So he's managed to con the Doc into giving him 6 weeks off for being a lying bastard?
He's still going to have to pay back the time off he's fraudulently stolen from the business before the note and face the music at some point.

emilybrontescorsett · 07/03/2020 08:12

I would post on Dave's FB a message of condolence about his dead dad for all his family to see. Just to rub the lying sods face in it.

Cakeandcustard123 · 07/03/2020 08:14

I presume the 6 weeks sick note is to give him time to find another job!

AJPTaylor · 07/03/2020 08:18

Dave did remarkably well to get a same day doctors appt, let alone a 6 week sick note.

VadenuRewetje · 07/03/2020 08:20

case not closed from pov of management who still have a lying cheating employee whose future status is yet to be determined. but I guess that's not your business to resolve op.

Patroclus · 07/03/2020 08:26

I bet he got the sick note by telling the dr his dads died

SeriouslyRetro · 07/03/2020 08:26

Wow, I wonder what kind of arrangement he has with his doctor.

He’s a pathological liar though so maybe he lays it on thick about how poor his mental health/stress is that the thought of needing to return to work for 4/6 weeks is unbearable.

Thislittlefinger · 07/03/2020 10:17

I imagine that's a forged sick note.

PhilCornwall1 · 07/03/2020 10:28

Surely he would have had the sick note at the beginning of the period he was signed off?

I was signed off for 2 months and at the point the Doctor said I was off I had it. I then had to give that straight to HR with a copy to my Manager.

I didn't provide it after the fact.

FlamingoAndJohn · 07/03/2020 10:31

I hate the way some people seem to be able to get signed off for nothing.

Itwasntme1 · 07/03/2020 10:47

Brilliant op. It resolved itself without you having to get your hands dirty😊

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/03/2020 16:45

Dave did remarkably well to get a same day doctors appt, let alone a 6 week sick note

The same thought occurred to me, especially the same day part, so unless he did one of these "online appointments" Thislittlefinger could easily be right about it being fake

After all, his entire story has been so far so why not that too?

WhatchaMaCalllit · 07/03/2020 16:54

How is that case closed? Surely that's just kicking the van down the road for a further 6 weeks, or am I missing something obvious?

Mayhapitis · 07/03/2020 16:57

Dave really is a cunt isn't he.

Bet during the sick skive he finds a new job.

BritWifeinUSA · 07/03/2020 17:14

Sounds like a MH issue here (and that’s probably what the sick note states). The first two incidents could be genuine. The sick son that later went to McDonald’s could be that the child told his teacher or his babysitter that he was ill just so that his dad would come home. A lot of children feign illness to get attention from a parent. Not wise to post pictures on Facebook of them out and about but it’s possible that the phone call he received was “your son is ill. You need to pick him up from school now” and he believed that to be the case. The second incident with the broken leg could be a misunderstanding in the message. I once got a call at work to say my husband had been knocked off his bike and was being taken to hospital with a broken leg. His leg wasn’t broken. Someone told someone who called me and along the way it got mixed up. But of course I heard “broken leg” and instinct kicked in and immediately asked if I could leave work l. I felt stupid afterwards when I got to the hospital and it was a badly twisted ankle, no more.

But the death of the father can’t be explained as a misunderstanding.

ChicCroissant · 07/03/2020 17:34

If he isn't put through the disciplinary process and sacked, I predict he'll resign especially before a disciplinary meeting. Not at all unusual for an employee facing a disciplinary process to be off sick at the start of it. Resignation would be easier to explain on a CV.

Apolloanddaphne · 07/03/2020 17:40

How did he manage to get a sick note so quickly? And one for 6 weeks at that!

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