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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New lodger - shall i ask him to leave?

238 replies

Snorkers · 23/02/2020 09:20

In a bit of a quandary!
Me and my husband have converted most of the rooms on the first floor of our house to a kind of annex - so a kitchen / living room, bathroom and bedroom - which we recently let out. I still have an office up there too but we live downstairs.

In our ad we clearly stated we wanted a single person who was mature, respectful, quiet and a non smoker.

Our lodger moved in just over two weeks ago, having split from his partner 6 m ago and told us he had been at his brothers but 'had to leave' due to arguing die to the small space, he seemed nice enough.

We agreed his kids could stay at the weekends so long as the noise was not excessive, and they have been fine. We agreed that I'd run the hoover round and surface clean the bathroom on Fridays (only as I want to keep an eye on things due to previous bad experiences).

However earlier this week we noticed a really rank fishy smell coming from his living room. It went but came back again ten fold on Thursday and could be smelled downstairs too.

On Fri when i hoovered i had to empty a make shift bin (despite us providing a proper one already) which was basically a bag for life sitting on the side with rotting food and fish packaging in. The smell was all over the house at this point. I texted him and told him.

In addition - there was also a load of dirty washing up from the offending fishy meals sitting on the side. In the bathroom the toilet seat and lid was splattered with shit so I was pretty unhappy.

On Sat the smell in the whole house was unbearable and he was out - i went in there and the dirty pans and plates are still there festering with bits of rotting fish on. I texted him again and asked him to sort it and he said he would when he got in later that day.

I threw open the windows in his living room to air it and saw a fag butt on the window sill.

When i questioned him about this he said it wasn't him and I said it didn't get there itself, then he said it was his 'friend' who he had allowed to smoke in our house despite us clearly stating no smoking, also - we had no idea anyone except him and his kids had even been in the house - this was late at night some time.

Would you kick him out?

I feel like there is no trust there and I am worried about if we go away or something what poor decisions will he make then? Who will be in our house and what will they do?

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 24/02/2020 15:58

Err no.

What did you say in return when he reiterated he'd need it back?! Don't tell me you just mumbled something! Tell him now.

'Sorry X but I am sure you are perfectly aware of the terms of a deposit. I will not be returning any deposit monies until the key is handed over and the place is checked for damages on the day you move out. We need to be 100% clear on that, yes?'

TorkTorkBam · 24/02/2020 16:33

Make it 100% clear to him that you will call the police at the slightest hint of aggression. Mean it.

Snorkers · 24/02/2020 17:08

Thanks for the advice - i agreed that if he cleans up, hands me the key and leaves this week i will give him the deposit as he leaves. He is going on Wednesday.
For anyone reading this - we did NOT get references and yes I am a total idiot for this. Lesson learned.

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 24/02/2020 17:16

I can't see an issue at all with handing the deposit over straight as he leaves - EXCEPT that if the place isn't clean, what's the procedure then? What happens if there's damage?

What I would do is this - firstly, who is going to be there during the handover? I would suggest at least two people, preferably male. You go in at X time and do a check over with them present. Remember it's not going to be the work of a few moments either - you'll be lifting mattresses, checking out under sofas for fag burns etc. Definitely thoroughly check if furniture has been moved to cover stuff...

But you are going to need to be clear that if there's any potential issue, then he will NOT be geting that deposit back instantly. If you find damage, then the procedure will be - you'll take photos, hopefully agree a reasonable sum off the deposit there and then, with witnesses, and that will be ok. If he disputes it - well, I'm not sure. Do you have a plan?

I certainly wouldn't have the money there and then in front of him so to speak. You do the check, the cash will be safely elsewhere in your house until it's all settled and you can go and get it.

FizzyGreenWater · 24/02/2020 17:18

he is now starting to get aggressive about it.

I'd missed this. Aggressive how? Because if that's the case I think I would be calling the PCSOs for advice, or police - on whether you can terminate things early and ask him to leave with them present.

TheCakeCrusader · 24/02/2020 17:24

Try and see whether you can have someone with you at handover so that you are not alone. Any aggressive behaviour, then contact the police.

AriadnesFilament · 24/02/2020 17:34

For anyone reading this - we did NOT get references and yes I am a total idiot for this. Lesson learned.

Oh, that’s not why I was asking about references! I was asking because surely the fact that he’s going to need a reference from you at some point might compel him to moderate his behaviour? I.e. surely he’s not that much of a prat to jeopardise a reference from you? But I’m starting to think he’s got cauliflower between his ears, so who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Either way, aggressive behaviour would be the police. I doubt they’d get involved in the legalities around the lodger agreement because that’s civil law, not criminal law.

AnneGrapes · 24/02/2020 17:40

You must insist he leaves ASAP. Trial failed.

Snorkers · 24/02/2020 17:46

Yes I'd thought of having someone else here - i will ask a friend.
He was not aggressive as in threatening - more extremely insistent - perhaps aggressive was the wrong word. Basically - "well I can't and won't make arrangements to leave unless I have my deposit".
Apparently he's found someone else who will take him in without a reference so seems he won't be needing anything else from me - he's probably fed them a line, as he did to us in fact.
Who knows how many places he's been kicked out of so far?!
Anyone reading this who is contemplating a lodger, learn from my mistakes!:

  • Everything written down and signed in advance of moving in
  • List of written 'rules' so no confusion over anything along with what will happen if they are broken, ie what will get a warning and what will result in notice being served
  • Deposit paid via and back into a bank account, not cash
  • Absolute clarity, in writing, before they move in on how and when the deposit will be refunded
  • ALWAYS get references!

Hopefully he will just fuck off quietly and he'll be some other poor person's problem until he pisses them off, rinse and repeat.

OP posts:
SilverViking · 24/02/2020 17:49

As others have said, i wouldn't give the deposit until he leaves
I'd also be apprehensive about him leaving you a hidden present .... like some of that rotten fish or spilled milk hidden somewhere in the room.

datasgingercatspot · 24/02/2020 17:50

I'm sure he was just as insistent about leaving his brother's and his ex's.

I really hope he leaves quietly and glad you have learned from this. NEVER believe sob stories. They are just this, stories.

WhiteBadger · 24/02/2020 17:53

Yes I have had lodgers for years. You can tell within a week or so if they're good 'uns .

He's not! It will only get worse. Tell him to leave.

WhiteBadger · 24/02/2020 17:56

OP no no Airbnb is a million times worse!!

Really 75% of lodgers are perfect. Just that tiny 25% piss takers

Give it another go.

Oldandwise · 24/02/2020 18:23

Lessons to learn are NEVER share your home with anyone who has not personally recommended by someone you know and set out house rules from day 1! If he breaks them then he should be OUT NOW! Just hope you havent signed any kind of contract with him so he will dig his heels in.
Having kids to stay is rather taking the piss!! Rules re visitors should be agreed in advance.
You have every right to inspect the accommodation as it is your HOME!

I agree it can only get worse .

Anele22 · 24/02/2020 18:25

You absolutely can go into his room as he's living in your house. Kick him out. It won't get better.

Nurgleturtle · 24/02/2020 18:25

your breaking your agreement by not letting him have peaceful use of his lodgings be very careful with that, if your still not happy with him serve him a section 21 notice to quit

SoupDragon · 24/02/2020 18:35

your breaking your agreement by not letting him have peaceful use of his lodgings

🤦🏻‍♀️

Troels · 24/02/2020 18:37

Make him sign a reciept for the cash deposit you are giving him back. Or he may claim you didn't return it.

Ninkanink · 24/02/2020 18:39

Heh. So much misinformation on one thread...

Definitely get a signature from him to prove receipt of deposit (if you’re giving him cash).

CodenameVillanelle · 24/02/2020 18:40

how will you find your mythical quiet non intrusive, non messing making lodger though?

This is so weird! I've had loads of lodgers. All apart from 2 were clean, tidy, quiet, respectful and lovely. The two who weren't were asked to move out within the month. To be fair neither of them were awful either just had hygiene habits I couldn't stick for long.

Lodgers may pay the same weekly rent that they would pay in a house share but they don't have a contract, don't pay bills on top, can leave at short notice and have very little responsibility in the home. My lodgers aren't expected to clean any communal areas, only wash up and clean after themselves. It's completely different to house sharing with a tenancy.

CodenameVillanelle · 24/02/2020 18:41

@Nurgleturtle he's a lodger not a tenant. She's not breaching anything and section 21 doesn't apply.

sunshineANDsweetpeas · 24/02/2020 18:47

I had a Monday to Friday lodger and he was brill. Professional man, worked long hours, was clean and tidy and I got my house back at weekends

FelicisNox · 24/02/2020 19:24

I think you would not be unreasonable, you're not renting a separate accommodation, you're sharing one so whilst you appear over invested I can see why.

Finding a perfect lodger will be nigh on impossible though....

Snorkers · 24/02/2020 19:52

I don't want perfect and am happy to be flexible on some things - but noise, smoking and filthy hygiene (not just untidy which i myself am to a certain extent) i can't budge on. And he failed on two out of three.

OP posts:
Wauden · 24/02/2020 21:15

I have had several lodgers and the majority have been clean, tidy and considerate.

I would caution against taking on an existing friend because should things not work out, then the friendship is at risk.