Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New lodger - shall i ask him to leave?

238 replies

Snorkers · 23/02/2020 09:20

In a bit of a quandary!
Me and my husband have converted most of the rooms on the first floor of our house to a kind of annex - so a kitchen / living room, bathroom and bedroom - which we recently let out. I still have an office up there too but we live downstairs.

In our ad we clearly stated we wanted a single person who was mature, respectful, quiet and a non smoker.

Our lodger moved in just over two weeks ago, having split from his partner 6 m ago and told us he had been at his brothers but 'had to leave' due to arguing die to the small space, he seemed nice enough.

We agreed his kids could stay at the weekends so long as the noise was not excessive, and they have been fine. We agreed that I'd run the hoover round and surface clean the bathroom on Fridays (only as I want to keep an eye on things due to previous bad experiences).

However earlier this week we noticed a really rank fishy smell coming from his living room. It went but came back again ten fold on Thursday and could be smelled downstairs too.

On Fri when i hoovered i had to empty a make shift bin (despite us providing a proper one already) which was basically a bag for life sitting on the side with rotting food and fish packaging in. The smell was all over the house at this point. I texted him and told him.

In addition - there was also a load of dirty washing up from the offending fishy meals sitting on the side. In the bathroom the toilet seat and lid was splattered with shit so I was pretty unhappy.

On Sat the smell in the whole house was unbearable and he was out - i went in there and the dirty pans and plates are still there festering with bits of rotting fish on. I texted him again and asked him to sort it and he said he would when he got in later that day.

I threw open the windows in his living room to air it and saw a fag butt on the window sill.

When i questioned him about this he said it wasn't him and I said it didn't get there itself, then he said it was his 'friend' who he had allowed to smoke in our house despite us clearly stating no smoking, also - we had no idea anyone except him and his kids had even been in the house - this was late at night some time.

Would you kick him out?

I feel like there is no trust there and I am worried about if we go away or something what poor decisions will he make then? Who will be in our house and what will they do?

OP posts:
greathat · 23/02/2020 15:59

Get rid. I bet on your insurance you've said no one smokes inside your house so if a discarded butt causes a fire your insurance is invalid

Ferretyone · 23/02/2020 16:20

In a lodger/landlady relationship you have the right to access all of your house. Look up the situation on the internet.

@Snorkers

PhoneTwattery · 23/02/2020 16:25

Is this him?

New lodger - shall i ask him to leave?
BlueJava · 23/02/2020 16:39

Rotting food that stinks, crap left on the loo, washing up left - he'd be gone very quickly! Nothing is worth living with a stench!

IanSomerhalderIsAGod · 23/02/2020 16:40

I'd ask him to leave but you sound like a horrific landlady; I couldn't cope with that level of intrusiveness in my personal space.

74NewStreet · 23/02/2020 16:43

Well if you shit all over your personal space that happens to be in someone else’s home, you don’t deserve to do it in privacy, Ian

ScarlettBlaize · 23/02/2020 16:48

@IanSomerhalderIsAGod

I'd ask him to leave but you sound like a horrific landlady; I couldn't cope with that level of intrusiveness in my personal space.

Do you leave rotting fish and shit smeared in your personal space?

Do you think it's a coincidence that his own wife and his own brother have kicked him out?

IanSomerhalderIsAGod · 23/02/2020 16:50

Ok read the thread now, I guess it's not as big invasion as I thought since he's a lodger.

Did you make this really really clear to him though? Perhaps he didn't understand.

But yeah the fish is gross. Even fresh fish makes me want to throw up so god knows what it smelt like. 🤢

victoriashleigh · 23/02/2020 17:19

YANBU and I think it’s a matter of respect and how he’s treating your house. I rent privately (so slightly different) but today my landlord and his dad came round to do a repair. I cleaned the toilet on the off chance one of them would need to use it! I would certainly clean it if I thought the landlord was going to go in and see how it’s kept... Hmm

Pinotpleasure · 23/02/2020 19:05

This thread reminds me of a fab song from the late 70s written for Bette Midler but released as a quirky, funny pop song: Check this out on YouTube -

“You’re Moving Out Today” by Carole Bayer Sager

The lyrics are great and remind me of the lodger lol!

Snorkers · 24/02/2020 11:26

pinotpleasure

AWESOME!! I may play that loudly on departure day.

OP posts:
ArtemisOfOrtygia · 24/02/2020 12:14

Yes. In fact, I wouldn't have accepted him in the first place when telling me he argues with his brother. Because when people argue to the point where not even their family members want to deal with them, it means they are probably problematic as people. And I wouldn't want them in my house.

Snorkers · 24/02/2020 14:52

He now thinks he's getting his deposit back this week so he can put it on a new place.

When I explained what a deposit is for and that it will be returned when he leaves and when the place is left as it was when he moved in he told me to 'Don't worry I will keep it clean' but still wants his deposit back before he goes. Confused

I am not sure if i am reading too much into this but he may be implying he may not be able to/won't leave without it. I REALLY hope I don't have to lock him out and/or call the police.

OP posts:
thecatneuterer · 24/02/2020 15:19

I would just give his deposit back to him. Its worth it to get rid of him relatively quickly and painlessly.

Ninkanink · 24/02/2020 15:22

I’d give him the deposit on the day he leaves.

thecatneuterer · 24/02/2020 15:23

Especially as it isn't entirely clear that he really is a lodger and that you share accommodation. If you tried not to give some of his deposit back he could go down a legal route and it could cause you no end of trouble. Just give the deposit to him now.

LonginesPrime · 24/02/2020 15:23

Was the deposit covered in the agreement, OP?

SoupDragon · 24/02/2020 15:26

I couldn't cope with that level of intrusiveness in my personal space.

Then don't ever become a lodger rather than a private renter.

Ninkanink · 24/02/2020 15:29

(What I mean is don’t wait for him to ‘put things right’ and don’t keep any of it either, just tell him he’ll get it on the day he leaves).

nettie434 · 24/02/2020 15:32

I would just give his deposit back to him. Its worth it to get rid of him relatively quickly and painlessly

Me too. As he leaves and hands over the keys.

Snorkers · 24/02/2020 15:33

Yes we had it in writing deposit is returned at the end of the stay.
I'm not exactly reassured by his assurances but he is now starting to get aggressive about it.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 24/02/2020 15:36

Tell him if he wants his deposit this week then he needs to leave this week?

AriadnesFilament · 24/02/2020 15:38

Refer him to the agreement? Tell him that if he wants it this week he needs to leave this week?

Snorkers · 24/02/2020 15:42

Thanks yes I just did - i texted and said i would compromise and hand him the cash as he leaves providing no damage, and it must be this week.

I am worried he will take something until I give it to him, or hold my dog as ransom or something!

OP posts:
AriadnesFilament · 24/02/2020 15:44

That’d be your cue to ring the rozzers then, surely?

He wouldn’t be that much of a prat would he? Do lodgers need references?