New lodger - shall i ask him to leave?

[Snorkers]

In a bit of a quandary!
Me and my husband have converted most of the rooms on the first floor of our house to a kind of annex - so a kitchen / living room, bathroom and bedroom - which we recently let out. I still have an office up there too but we live downstairs.

In our ad we clearly stated we wanted a single person who was mature, respectful, quiet and a non smoker.

Our lodger moved in just over two weeks ago, having split from his partner 6 m ago and told us he had been at his brothers but 'had to leave' due to arguing die to the small space, he seemed nice enough.

We agreed his kids could stay at the weekends so long as the noise was not excessive, and they have been fine. We agreed that I'd run the hoover round and surface clean the bathroom on Fridays (only as I want to keep an eye on things due to previous bad experiences).

However earlier this week we noticed a really rank fishy smell coming from his living room. It went but came back again ten fold on Thursday and could be smelled downstairs too.

On Fri when i hoovered i had to empty a make shift bin (despite us providing a proper one already) which was basically a bag for life sitting on the side with rotting food and fish packaging in. The smell was all over the house at this point. I texted him and told him.

In addition - there was also a load of dirty washing up from the offending fishy meals sitting on the side. In the bathroom the toilet seat and lid was splattered with shit so I was pretty unhappy.

On Sat the smell in the whole house was unbearable and he was out - i went in there and the dirty pans and plates are still there festering with bits of rotting fish on. I texted him again and asked him to sort it and he said he would when he got in later that day.

I threw open the windows in his living room to air it and saw a fag butt on the window sill.

When i questioned him about this he said it wasn't him and I said it didn't get there itself, then he said it was his 'friend' who he had allowed to smoke in our house despite us clearly stating no smoking, also - we had no idea anyone except him and his kids had even been in the house - this was late at night some time.

Would you kick him out?

I feel like there is no trust there and I am worried about if we go away or something what poor decisions will he make then? Who will be in our house and what will they do?

[AlrightThen]

Also, get your husband to tell him to move out as the lodger may not react well.

It's better to be careful, you never know.

[Truth22]

Get him out ASAP!

[Snorkers]

LonginesPrime
Really good suggestions - thank you. Didn't think of that.

Please stop telling me I am invading his home - it's not - it's mine. He is a lodger and therefore i am fully entitled to enter the 'shared' living room and bathroom at any time.

[Bawbags]

You sound like you know what you're doing to be honest. I assume in the lodgers agreement the kitchen, lounge and bathroom (providing it is not an en-suite) are listed as shared access with no exclusive rights for the lodger? Also good on you for having a trial period. Anyone who doesn't give a shit at the time they're supposed to be making a good impression is clearly undesirable as someone you want to share your home with.

I hope you find a nice quiet professional. The Mon-Fri option sounds perfect if you're near a big city and people are likely to need work week accommodation.

[katy1213]

Kick him out - if he's like this at the start, it won't get better.

[Wauden]

The state of the WC and the rotting fish could be a health hazard.

[everybodypuuuuulllll]

We used to rent two rooms to lodgers.

My tip would be to rent to mature (especially post-grad) students as they have a good reason for needing lodgings, and they tend to move on after a year or two, so if you don't click, you don't have to put up with them forever!

We didn't take a breakages deposit, we asked for two months rent up front, and when they left, they didn't have to pay for the last month as we already had it in hand. This mean they could be flexible about when they left (which was a big bonus to them) and we could be sure we didn't end up in the lurch as we'd always have at least a month's notice.

Any breakages we sorted out as we went along. (There weren't many luckily).

[everybodypuuuuulllll]

Sorry forgot to say. YANBU.

Lodgers are totally different to tenants. You're sharing your home, but you hold all the strings. If you're not getting on, for whatever reason, ask them to leave. It's your home, you don't have to put up with dickheads living in it.

[MzHz]

He's a lodger, you only have to give "reasonable" notice.

Tell him to go ASAP, give him a few days but no more.

[Phifedean123]

That's sounds so rank OP yanbu at all. He's being really disrespectful and I can't see it improving.

[DecemberSnow]

Get rid

We had a lodger... Was quiet, no trouble, left sharpish one day...

Saw him on crime watch afew months later

[Italiangreyhound]

"One month's notice - but the first month is a trial"

The trail has proven he is not compatible with your expectations of a lodger so he needs to go. you poor thing, sounds grim!

[Penners99]

Out, NOW!

[PhoneTwattery]

Wtf. Is the fish thing real?

[ThePluckOfTheCoward]

Get rid, his behaviour will not improve.

[Snorkers]

PhoneTwattery It most certainly is - it still smells now but is gradually going. Who in their right mind leaves fresh and cooked fish remains and packaging to fester in a hot south facing room to gradually turn putrid?

SO SO many warning signs now I've removed my rose tinted glasses. I wanted to give him a chance, his hard luck story sounded like he just needed a break from someone and i was happy to give him a hand up. It was always someone else's fault. It's now clear that is not true.

Yuk.

[datasgingercatspot]

it still smells now but is gradually going. Who in their right mind leaves fresh and cooked fish remains and packaging to fester in a hot south facing room to gradually turn putrid?

Someone who has spent their entire life being enabled by others and taking the piss.

SO SO many warning signs now I've removed my rose tinted glasses. I wanted to give him a chance, his hard luck story sounded like he just needed a break from someone and i was happy to give him a hand up. It was always someone else's fault. It's now clear that is not true.

There always are, and usually more than one. For example, it wasn't just the brother who threw him out, but his ex, too, all within 6 months. That should have told you something. Don't go giving chances when it comes to your property, business, personal self, belongings, money or children. It's one thing to give to charity to give people a chance or a hand up, but quite another to allow someone to move in who is giving you a sob story or setting off your tingly senses.

[datasgingercatspot]

I really hope he goes quietly.

[Bawbags]

OP, just a wee story for you to let you know you're not alone:

We had someone renting a room (long term) with us when we owned a B&B. I lived there but ran the business with my mum. We had tourists but the bulk of our custom was workers needing digs and we provided Breakfast but would also do packed lunches and dinners on request for a nominal fee. This chap was a friend of my stepfather and for some reason, DM and DSF had encouraged this man to eat in our private kitchen diner with us. He was okay at first but then started to use the kitchen diner like he had a right to be there so despite him only being invited in there to eat he'd rock up filthy, leave his crap around my kitchen, dump his stinking shoes next to the fridge and leave them there, he would eat the most disgusting nasty, foul smelling shite I've ever smelled (like fermented herring from the jar and other vomit inducing fish stuff). He ate like an absolute pig and would scratch his back with his knife at the table (under his shirt) and then proceed to use the same knife in our butter dish. I kept binning the butter and putting portion packs on his side plate instead but he'd just ignore them and take the butter dish off the side until I did away with it completely.
He'd sit at the table and spray that Deep Heat Stuff onto his back stinking the whole kitchen our that we used to prepare food for ourselves and guests. We had to sit and eat with the window and back door open to clear the smell through dinner. He never cleaned up after himself. Toilet flushing was optional. He was always leaving his stuff around the house (like boots and coats in the guests sitting room) not using any waste baskets and just leaving rubbish on the floor or tables. And because DSF did him "mates rates" we didn't even make any money! Thankfully one day he got drunk and aggressive and proceeded to scream and shout at me. DSF and DM (who didn't live in the house like I did with my newborn) didn't ask him to leave and basically told me to put up and shut up. It was only when I started packing did they finally give him his marching orders.

Some people are animals and it's up to you if you want them in your home.

[ActualHornist]

how will you find your mythical quiet non intrusive, non messing making lodger though?

I can’t be bothered to scroll and find who originally posted this - but what sort of festering shithole do you allow yourself to live in when leaving rotten fish dinner remains, shit all over the toilet, and smoking when expressly told not to equates to your comment?

I’m not a lodger. But I’m a human being with respect for myself and other people’s homes.

[ToEarlyForDecorations]

It was always someone else's fault.

This is a red flag. Any functioning adult who blames their misfortunes on some one or something else needs to grow up. No matter what the circumstances are.

OK, sometimes there are valid reasons but you learn to spot, 'it wasn't my fault' being used as an excuse under various guises.

[MimiLaRue]

but what sort of festering shithole do you allow yourself to live in when leaving rotten fish dinner remains, shit all over the toilet, and smoking when expressly told not to equates to your comment

Quite. I wondered that too- its really not difficult not to leave shit smears and rotting fish everywhere. I mange not to do that on a daily basis!

[DustOffYourHighestHopes]

Kick him out

Vet your lodgers - references and phone their referees

Don’t expect only ‘mature quiet sensible’ people to self select themselves to respond to an advert for ‘mature quiet sensible’ people!

[tenlittlecygnets]

Get rid!

[ZombieFan]

I would ask him to leave simply because of the smell affecting 'your' part of the property.

But he sounds a lot more like a tenant than a lodger. You have essentially created an annex where he has his own kitchen / living room, bathroom and bedroom. Just because you like to have a quick nose around at the weekend does not mean you are sharing those spaces.

Hopefully he will go quietly but if he refuses I could easily see a court case and eviction needed to end his rights. I dont think you should be entering & looking around his private spaces.