New lodger - shall i ask him to leave?

[Snorkers]

In a bit of a quandary!
Me and my husband have converted most of the rooms on the first floor of our house to a kind of annex - so a kitchen / living room, bathroom and bedroom - which we recently let out. I still have an office up there too but we live downstairs.

In our ad we clearly stated we wanted a single person who was mature, respectful, quiet and a non smoker.

Our lodger moved in just over two weeks ago, having split from his partner 6 m ago and told us he had been at his brothers but 'had to leave' due to arguing die to the small space, he seemed nice enough.

We agreed his kids could stay at the weekends so long as the noise was not excessive, and they have been fine. We agreed that I'd run the hoover round and surface clean the bathroom on Fridays (only as I want to keep an eye on things due to previous bad experiences).

However earlier this week we noticed a really rank fishy smell coming from his living room. It went but came back again ten fold on Thursday and could be smelled downstairs too.

On Fri when i hoovered i had to empty a make shift bin (despite us providing a proper one already) which was basically a bag for life sitting on the side with rotting food and fish packaging in. The smell was all over the house at this point. I texted him and told him.

In addition - there was also a load of dirty washing up from the offending fishy meals sitting on the side. In the bathroom the toilet seat and lid was splattered with shit so I was pretty unhappy.

On Sat the smell in the whole house was unbearable and he was out - i went in there and the dirty pans and plates are still there festering with bits of rotting fish on. I texted him again and asked him to sort it and he said he would when he got in later that day.

I threw open the windows in his living room to air it and saw a fag butt on the window sill.

When i questioned him about this he said it wasn't him and I said it didn't get there itself, then he said it was his 'friend' who he had allowed to smoke in our house despite us clearly stating no smoking, also - we had no idea anyone except him and his kids had even been in the house - this was late at night some time.

Would you kick him out?

I feel like there is no trust there and I am worried about if we go away or something what poor decisions will he make then? Who will be in our house and what will they do?

[billy1966]

Having a tough time doesn't suddenly turn you into a filthy person.

A cheap lesson OP.

Hopefully he may have learned something from it too.

[Wauden]

Glad it got sorted out

[alwaysmoody]

It's completely unhygienic to leave dirty sinks piled up especially with food hits. These are the sort of habits that invite pests inside your home.

Get rid

[AgeOld]

So much anger towards what I thought was a sensible observation. You're letting anyone into your house that has access to where you also live, so not totally separate, and you don't take references or even seem to be concerned about them.
😂 obviously your tolerance levels are higher than mine. I'd be looking at the suggestions of weekday people only.
Hood luck with the next one.

[Dieu]

Be honest OP, you had no such arrangement with the hoovering and bathroom, and were having a nosy

[SoupDragon]

Why on earth do you you need to hoover his room and clean the bathroom ??

She explained this.

[CtrlU]

It clearly isnt working - but OP; I’m on the fence about your actions really.

Whilst it’s unacceptable for him or guests to be smoking in the house that you made clear would not be ok; he does have the right to privacy.

I understand his standards of living may not be suitable for you but I’m assuming if his paying rent and relatively trouble free I’m not sure what the problem is. Yes his a little messy but that’s his business. Your not his mother.


I’m not entirely sure why your part landlord and part maid either ?? Why on earth do you you need to hoover his room and clean the bathroom ?? That’s his job

[nettie434]

Please don't feel bad Snorkers. He has clearly been through a tough time but he will have to learn to live in a way that doesn't cause conflicts with other people. This could help him in the long run. I am sure you will find somone who wants a calm clean place to live. Here's hoping you and your next lodger are the perfect match!

[ClareBlue]

Nothing wrong with having compassion for others even if they have treated you badly. All part of life's rich tapestry. We do Airbnb and the vast majority of people are lovely and some not so much, but you just have a laugh after, learn whatever there is to learn, and use it for filling those gaps at weddings when you need to keep a conversation going and lost for a topic. You've learnt a lesson and no lasting harm done and entertained all of us in the process 😁

[Whatisthisfuckery]

Letting one’s mate smoke in a house that is strictly no smoking, cooking fish and not clearing up and chucking out the stinky packaging and shitting all over the toilet seat are not symptoms of being upset, they are symptoms of being a dirty bastard. I bet his XW is glad to be rid of him, in fact I can make a guess at why she got shot.

[datasgingercatspot]

He was genuinely quite upset and said he'd been having a hard time with the split from his partner, his Dad dying etc etc, and apologised and said he's just been making some really bad decisions recently. We shook hands when he went and I felt just terrible, but then my husband reminded me feeling sorry for someone and for them to be a messy, stinky, cheeky pisstaker are not mutually exclusive.

I think you need to leave the running of all this to your h because your judgement isn't in the right place if you had an iota of remorse for this. He blames it all on everything and everyone else instead of behaving like a fucking adult and not a disgusting animal, which is entirely why he's been kicked out of everywhere.

You need to rule with your head in such a business transaction.

[LonginesPrime]

feeling sorry for someone and for them to be a messy, stinky, cheeky pisstaker are not mutually exclusive

Exactly, OP - he really shouldn't have made his issues your problem. It seems positive on his part that he might be starting to take some responsibility for his actions, in theory, at least.

Glad he left without a fuss!

[Snorkers]

Hi all - he's gone! He was clearing his stuff up today and we agreed to swap deposit/key this afternoon.

I felt really sorry for him. He was genuinely quite upset and said he'd been having a hard time with the split from his partner, his Dad dying etc etc, and apologised and said he's just been making some really bad decisions recently. We shook hands when he went and I felt just terrible, but then my husband reminded me feeling sorry for someone and for them to be a messy, stinky, cheeky pisstaker are not mutually exclusive.

AgeOld
I hope you don't have children op.
Letting random people live in your house as a lodger with no references or knowing who they are is terrifying enough but if you have dc then please be careful.

For goodness sake. No it is not TERRIFYING. Terrifying is a plane crash, or a war, or terrorist attack. It was silly not getting references but it's just a bad decision. He was not a psychopath, just really inconsiderate. And thanks for your concern but no DC.

I couldn't think of anything worse than turning half of my house into a boarding house for random people.
Well let's hope you aren't ever faced with the decision where you must either sell your home and lose tens of thousands on it or have to share it to keep it then. FFS.

Re the tenancy issue - the below sums it up quite well.

For a letting to be a tenancy, the occupier must be granted exclusive use of at least one room in the property. The agreement between the occupier and landlord will state that the landlord cannot access the room without the occupiers’ permission.

For the letting to be a license to occupy, the landlord must be providing some form of service that requires them (or someone working for the landlord) unrestricted access to the occupier’s room.

Access to the occupiers’ room could include cleaning, removal of rubbish, changing the bedding, and providing meals.For a letting to be a tenancy, the occupier must be granted exclusive use of at least one room in the property. The agreement between the occupier and landlord will state that the landlord cannot access the room without the occupiers’ permission.

For the letting to be a license to occupy, the landlord must be providing some form of service that requires them (or someone working for the landlord) unrestricted access to the occupier’s room.

Access to the occupiers’ room could include cleaning, removal of rubbish, changing the bedding, and providing meals.

If the landlord needs to access the room without restrictions to provide the agreed services, the occupier will not have exclusive use of the room. This type of occupant is commonly referred to as a ‘lodger.’

If the occupier has to share the room with someone they did not choose to share with, the letting is classed as a license to occupy.

[Willow2017]

grown man with kids, not a student then.. it sounds like a tenant rather than a lodger..
What has age or employment/student got to.do.with ir?
He isnt a tenant!!!!!! He is a lodger.

[Mumgonenuts2020]

He is a grown man with kids, not a student then.. it sounds like a tenant rather than a lodger.. or a student 😄 ask if it is is temporary or a stop a stop gap whilst he sorts everything in about, is it fish and chip Takeways😄😄

[Ninkanink]

The woman in that thread is not even a lodger - she’s a ‘friend’ that the OP let stay with her and who’s completely taking the piss.

Of course plenty of women are lazy, filthy CFers who take advantage of well meaning friends, and there are plenty of perfectly good male lodgers, but on the whole women are at least less likely to be aggressive/intimidating if and when it all goes to shit.

But at the core it’s not a sex issue, it’s a huge red warning flags issue, which would have been present from the beginning and I’m sure OP won’t make the same mistake again in ignoring those.

[ThreeAnkleBiters]

@Everydayishistorytomorrow But the facts you posted clearly state that as a lodger he's an excluded occupier and OP is well within his rights to tell him to leave.

The kind of person who needs reminders to live like a civilised person and follow house rules is going to be a constant hassle. Do you really want to be chasing him up every week because he's done something else disgusting and inconsiderate? He'd be better off in a bedsit and you can find a lodger who is clean.

[SudokuQueen]

Your first clue was the fact that he needs to leave his brothers house due to arguing. Kick him out.

[SoupDragon]

get a woman next time.

There's another lodger thread in AIBU at the moment about a lodger taking the piss. It's a woman.

[ScreamingLadySutch]

Follow your gut.

You are unhappy because your boundaries have been crossed with his filthy way of living, you are not compatible, get rid

[Whatisthisfuckery]

OP, get a woman next time.

[datasgingercatspot]

In the future I'd only accept females to let the room, and all the usual applies on top (references, written rules). No overnight guests. Anyone who rocks up with a story about needing to have their kids there, decline. He's your typical bullying git and I hope you get rid fast.

[Bawbags]

@Chocomochacino as it's been said a few times, the OP having unrestricted access to the lounge, bathroom and kitchen are a requirement to maintain the status of lodger not tenant. It's not to snoop. They are her legal shared spaces which she has a right to enter at will and the lodger must keep clean. It's the OP's home, not a private let.

[Chocomochacino]

Ok fair enough about fish but maybe he didn't realise how bad it was? I would hate landlord checking up on me tbh. Sounds like you sold it to him as cleaning was part of the deal, when you just want to snoop? Cleaning on top would have increased the amount he would be willing to pay. A bit sneaky really.

[PlantainMountain]

Ew, he's failed the probation 3x over IMO.