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AIBU?

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Original poster

New lodger - shall i ask him to leave?

238 replies

Snorkers · 23/02/2020 09:20

In a bit of a quandary!
Me and my husband have converted most of the rooms on the first floor of our house to a kind of annex - so a kitchen / living room, bathroom and bedroom - which we recently let out. I still have an office up there too but we live downstairs.

In our ad we clearly stated we wanted a single person who was mature, respectful, quiet and a non smoker.

Our lodger moved in just over two weeks ago, having split from his partner 6 m ago and told us he had been at his brothers but 'had to leave' due to arguing die to the small space, he seemed nice enough.

We agreed his kids could stay at the weekends so long as the noise was not excessive, and they have been fine. We agreed that I'd run the hoover round and surface clean the bathroom on Fridays (only as I want to keep an eye on things due to previous bad experiences).

However earlier this week we noticed a really rank fishy smell coming from his living room. It went but came back again ten fold on Thursday and could be smelled downstairs too.

On Fri when i hoovered i had to empty a make shift bin (despite us providing a proper one already) which was basically a bag for life sitting on the side with rotting food and fish packaging in. The smell was all over the house at this point. I texted him and told him.

In addition - there was also a load of dirty washing up from the offending fishy meals sitting on the side. In the bathroom the toilet seat and lid was splattered with shit so I was pretty unhappy.

On Sat the smell in the whole house was unbearable and he was out - i went in there and the dirty pans and plates are still there festering with bits of rotting fish on. I texted him again and asked him to sort it and he said he would when he got in later that day.

I threw open the windows in his living room to air it and saw a fag butt on the window sill.

When i questioned him about this he said it wasn't him and I said it didn't get there itself, then he said it was his 'friend' who he had allowed to smoke in our house despite us clearly stating no smoking, also - we had no idea anyone except him and his kids had even been in the house - this was late at night some time.

Would you kick him out?

I feel like there is no trust there and I am worried about if we go away or something what poor decisions will he make then? Who will be in our house and what will they do?

OP posts:
TorkTorkBam · 23/02/2020 09:58

I can see why all his family don't let him stay with them any more and why his wife booted him out.

It was a friend's cigarette. My dog ate my homework. Yeah. He thinks you are a soft touch. Don't be.

Thinkingabout1t · 23/02/2020 09:58

Absolutely get rid as fast as possible! I’ve had some very bad experiences through being too kind/stupidly tolerant in situations like this. No way he’s going to improve when he doesn't even bother during a trial period.

EnidBlyton · 23/02/2020 09:59

i think you are asking too much for a lodger,
sounds like you want someone who is not heard and makes no noise or anything.

SauvignonBlanche · 23/02/2020 09:59

He is your tenant
No he’s not, reading the fucking OP, he’s a lodger on a month’ trial.
Get rid!

MimiLaRue · 23/02/2020 10:00

i think you are asking too much for a lodger

Requesting a non smoker and not wanting the entire house to smell of rotten fish is "asking too much?"

Alrighty then.

humblesims · 23/02/2020 10:00

Yes ask him to leave. Thats what trials are for. Its not working for you so he must leave.

VBT2 · 23/02/2020 10:01

Rights for lodgers are very different, he basically has none, because any rights he has would potentially make OP vulnerable in her own home.

She has every right to go in, they have a cleaning agreement and the lodger needs to meet her standards otherwise he can be asked to leave. That’s it.

EnidBlyton · 23/02/2020 10:02

basically he didnt put the rubbish out, he messed the bathroom and you found a cigarette but

totally your choice op.

how will you find your mythical quiet non intrusive, non messing making lodger though?

EnidBlyton · 23/02/2020 10:03

shock horror he had dirty washing

AhNowTed · 23/02/2020 10:04

I understand about the smell and the fag butt.

But entering his space while he's out, moaning about a makeshift bin and unwashed dishes.. if you expect a tenant to clean to your standards you're going to be a very unhappy landlord.

bottlenose301 · 23/02/2020 10:06

MImiLaRue, I think the lodger was depressed thinking about me and part of me felt quite sorry for her as she obviously had not expected the room to be viewed that day there and then. But my mum was so upset.

Greenkit · 23/02/2020 10:06

If he is a lodger he can be asked to leave immediately.

However a.weeks notice is sufficient

10FrozenFingers · 23/02/2020 10:08

Tell him to leave now.

AutumnRose1 · 23/02/2020 10:08

Just get rid of him

He’s a lodger, not a tenant

Wigglewaggle01 · 23/02/2020 10:10

Yanbu to ask him to leave, he sounds s nightmare and is clearly pushing the boundaries.

YABU about going in and texting him about washing up etc etc. You're a nightmare landlord and you either need to decide in your mind that it's your lodgers home not an extension of your home you just happen to let people stay in, or decide you can't let go enough and do BnB or not bother.

sprite25 · 23/02/2020 10:10

The people who are saying the Op is over the top because he had 'dirty washing' etc. I'd dread to see what your houses are like! It's not that he just hadn't got round to tidying up, he had rotten fish stinking out the whole house and had broken agreements about the smoking. He had also agreed to OP going into the room, if he had a problem with that why move in? He obviously doesn't care what mess he makes or if OP sees it

nettie434 · 23/02/2020 10:10

I think you should ask him to leave. He doesn’t sound like the sort of lodger you wanted.

AriadnesFilament · 23/02/2020 10:14

Time for him to go. He’s barely been in the door 5 minutes and he’s already breached several rules, and then has had an unknown person in the house late at night.

Cherrysoup · 23/02/2020 10:14

Get rid. Can you imagine the stress of leaving him if you go away?! Lodgers have almost no rights, you can get rid pretty much immediately. Also, I believe the house owner an go in the rented rooms.Its not like a tenancy.

PicsInRed · 23/02/2020 10:16

Rotting fish, splattered shit and smoking in a non smoking space. My goodness, some of you have low standards of behaviour. Would you be so understanding of a middle aged woman with rotting fish meals, splattered shit and cheeky fag ends? Would you what. Hmm

Look, OP, you're right. This is a lodging situation, so he's already subject to less protection on exclusive possession and privacy. That's the nature of the beast and reflected in price and also flexibility for him - he also may simply leave at any time. Frankly, his standards of cleanliness and conduct would put him at risk in a standard tenancy, following an inspection.

This is him at his best. He needs to go. I wouldn't give him a month either.

I would also see a solicitor about that lodging agreement as I would be concerned that you need better provision for immediate eviction where necessary and to ensure no grey area into tenancy protection for what is supposed to be a lodger.

Runnerduck34 · 23/02/2020 10:18

You could try talking to them first, giving them another month to see if any improvement but if you feel so strongly and if agreement allows give him notice. This would annoy me too but then there's no way I'd want to rent out part of my house. If you let out rooms this may be part of the teritiary . You can't police what people eat or how often they empty the bins or even how clean they keep their bathroom. Having a lodger will impact your life , you can't expect them to be completely invisible.

Nearlyalmost50 · 23/02/2020 10:21

You might want to check the difference between a lodger and a tenant. Hopefully you have established a lodger here (there is a legal difference, it has to do with what you share in terms of the house and whether you provide any services like washing bedlinen/house cleaning). You don't want a tenancy- otherwise basically they could deny you access to that part of your own home! So, you may want to check this out.

It is not the same as having a tenancy in a house which is not occupied by the owner. Lodgers usually share some things, and usually there are arrangements over things like laundry and cleaning or even offering evening meals, whatever you agree. But the key thing is in a lodger situation you can enter their space and clean/check, indeed many lodgers prefer this- my husband was a lodger and the landlady did his washing, provided food, it was great!

I would get rid of him within the month trial period, as he's already shown he lives in a disgusting way that is going to impinge on you in the rest of your house/office space (if he was a tenant and you lived elsewhere, this would not affect you). I would then legally check how to establish lodger rentals so they can't claim tenant rights (as this is in your own home) and get another lodger and agree how you will access their rooms e.g. for cleaning/laundry once a week.

yellowallpaper · 23/02/2020 10:25

Probably why he was asked to leave his family member. Ask him to go.

Original poster
Snorkers · 23/02/2020 10:25

Hi, thanks for your comments which have been really helpful - I wasn't sure if I was being too hasty and should give him a second chance but your advice has really helped put the situation into perspective.

I am not sure if a lot of you criticising us are aware of the differences between lodgers and tenants. As we are letting out a lounge/kitchen and bathroom to him we HAVE to agree access to these areas for me, so that they are on paper at least 'shared' otherwise the rules and his rights will completely change and he would become a tenant which is not what we want. This is not a flat - let, it is lodging rooms in my HOME, and if he wants a private flat to stink out and smoke in then he can go and pay 2 / 3 x what we are charging and get one.

He agreed to my rules before moving in - no one forced him to and he was free to say this access/cleaning arrangement wasn't for him. He also allowed smoking here despite me telling him categorically this was not ok.

My husband just gave him notice to leave at the end of the month. Hopefully he will go quietly and not cause any further problems.

We rushed into this and in hindsight there are multiple red flags we did not acknowledge. I think we are going to AirBnb the rooms instead.

Thanks all.

OP posts:
Nearlyalmost50 · 23/02/2020 10:25

how will you find your mythical quiet non intrusive, non messing making lodger though?

Really easily, one of my friends has lodgers and has done for 10 years or more on Mon to Fri website. Mostly they are people working away from home and are out in the day. My friend is not so fussed about pots not being washed, but a bad smell in the whole house would bother her. OP- have you thought about only having Mon-Fri lodgers? That way you would have enjoyment of your own home on weekends. Obviously they pay a bit less but it may be worth it.