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Original poster

Bride not allowing children to abroad wedding...

573 replies

Chokedwiththecold · 23/02/2020 09:15

Now, I know how this sounds, but I can't help being a bit annoyed about it.

I know that I don't Need to go.

My best friend is getting married this year abroad. Its over the school holidays so the price of the flights and accommodation is absolutely sooooo expensive. We are a very close girl group of 7 of us and 3 of us will have new born babies by the time the wedding comes around. Wedding was only booked a few months ago. Anyway, what's annoying me is the bride has said no kids allowed. I totally understand that people don't want kids at a wedding but I'm feeling really sad about not having to bring my baby as is our other friends. I don't see what difference it would make either. It's not like the would be running around making noise etc. I feel like I might not go but when I mentioned this she seemed so annoyed. I honestly don't know if I should go or not. I'm on the fence. My baby will be 5 months old.

Am I being unreasonable to think she's maybe being a little but unreasonable about this and she could have just allowed her best friends with their children.?

Thanks for listening to my rant.

OP posts:
Snf13 · 24/02/2020 19:38

YANBU- I honestly don't get the 'no kids' thing!
Since when did a wedding become a 'me me me' thing for the bride? I know it's supposed to be 'her day' in some aspect but I thought a wedding was also the moment when you celebrate your union with your family, friends, and your community. It's supposed to be a couple sharing and making their love official in front of the world, right? So everyone should be involved: kids are part of the community !

Anyway, my above point apart: if she is disappointed or unhappy that you choose not to leave your 5 months old for a few days to fly to another country just to see her being 'the most important person of the day', she is being pretty unreasonable. I wouldn't go.

Scarletoharaseyebrows · 24/02/2020 19:38

anele no kids means no kids. Full stop! OFB parents do not parent well at weddings! Babies cry. When's a baby now a kid? None means none!!!

Isaura · 24/02/2020 19:42

Can't the parents who want the best of both worlds take their babies and leave them in the hotel creche/babysitting service whilst the wedding was happening. The breastfeeding mothers could slip out when they needed to.

beautifulstranger101 · 24/02/2020 19:48

Babies cry. When's a baby now a kid? None means none

Of course it does- and she'll have to accept her three best friends arent going to be there then wont she?!!

M2B19 · 24/02/2020 19:55

I wouldn’t leave my five month old baby for any length of time, which would rule this wedding out for me. I would go with my husband and baby and attend the wedding solo if that’s an option. I’d then make my excuses early evening and leave.

MamafromOz · 24/02/2020 20:01

This is the exact same scenario I was in for my best friends wedding. My son was 5 months and breastfed but i understood her point of view at having kids at the wedding completely. 5 months old aren’t all quiet and easy to settle. I have a 7 month old at the moment and he can kick off if he is tired or annoyed. He did it a lot at 5 months as well. So I get it. But it is a personally choice and only one you can make. I didn’t want to miss my best friends big day even though she totally understood. It is a lovely memory to have together. So we had the in laws come with us. I expressed milk and went to the wedding and pumped in the toilets every few hours. I had a great time and don’t regret anything and my son hasn’t been scarred by it.

MamafromOz · 24/02/2020 20:05

Another thing that really annoys me is that everyone always blames the bride. Bride is selfish, bride is me me me. Sometimes it is not just the bride that doesn’t want kids! The groom has a say too.

bakebeans · 24/02/2020 20:14

A similar thing happened to me. Husbands best friend decided to get married abroad and bride didn’t want kids which I thought fair enough it was their wedding but they were really pissed off that we couldn’t attend despite knowing we had two young kids aged 4 and 2 years of age and no sitters. Not to mention the cost meant sacrificing a family holiday of our own in order for us to attend.
They never attended ours a year later despite having relatives to stay with for the wedding and being a child free couple.
I think if you want a child free wedding abroad then fair enough but don’t be offended if people with kids can’t attend!

Pickytraveller1964 · 24/02/2020 20:18

YANBU!!!

I had my daughter’s godmother (and oldest friend) pull a similar stunt: She invited me and my parents but no babies allowed. It was a ten hour trip and incredibly expensive. I brought a nanny with us but she developed a tooth abscess and needed medication and sleep until she could see the oral surgeon. My parents and I went to the wedding (which was a full mass and we were rudely instructed not to even think of taking communion since we were Anglican, not Roman Catholic). After the wedding, I explained we had to go back to the hotel because the nanny was sick. I got a whiny pretend “thank you” note for the gift later in which she pointed out her disappointment that we had not come to the reception. %#*^} that! I am still very cordial with her but I don’t like her anymore. I should have just skipped the destination wedding...

ClubfootMaestro · 24/02/2020 20:26

WHY Do people not REMOVE their crying babies from ceremonies and during speeches!

Partly selfishness, and partly I think you become slightly desensitised to your own child’s noise and don’t realise how annoying it can be. But to be honest by the time they’ve got up and clattered out of the ceremony, door slamming behind them, it’s pretty disruptive even when they do leave if it happens at the wrong moment.

mauvaisereputation · 24/02/2020 20:37

YANBU- my DH and I have just declined a childfree wedding in the States - we've got a one year old. Apparently the couple (who did come to our wedding in the UK) are annoyed. Oh well!

RoseLillian · 24/02/2020 20:53

I hate the whole their wedding their choice thing. Obviously because you are getting married you no longer have to give any consideration to your friends and family?

Expecting a friend to go abroad and leave behind there baby is just ridiculous. I still wouldn’t be leaving mine and they are 4 and nearly 2 (still breastfeeding the youngest at night, but even if I wasn’t wouldn’t be leaving them).

I think you are definitely making the right call saying you are not going. If/when she gets annoyed I shouldn’t worry too much. If she can’t see what an impossible situation she has put you in, she definitely won’t understand how things will change once your baby is born. It is likely at the very least you would have drifted apart anyway.

felixthemoggy · 24/02/2020 20:54

YANBU - my cousin invited all the family to her wedding apart from my 7 year old son, as she wanted a child free wedding, not quite sure where he was meant to stay whilst everyone was abroad, I pointed this out to her and got uninvited from the wedding for being a trouble maker! Grin
In the end only her parents went as everyone else said she was being unreasonable and she just couldnt see the problem..... guess until they make kennels for kids! Hmm

ClubfootMaestro · 24/02/2020 21:00

Expecting a friend to go abroad and leave behind there baby is just ridiculous

Is she “expecting it” or has she invited her? They’re different things.

If you hate the “their wedding their choice” thing, whose choice should it be? Couples getting married have to throw a children’s party for their nuptials because it’s easier for other people?

glennamy · 24/02/2020 21:03

THEIR wedding THEIR choice re: children...

However, it's YOUR choice is to attend or not!

Personally I wouldn't be in attendance on cost and the baby responsibilities I have!

What's most important to you? if you go will you be full of resentment when there, because I would?

Vulpine · 24/02/2020 21:10

I don't think babies are expected to be left behind just not attend the wedding

TheCraicDealer · 24/02/2020 21:12

We had a child free wedding, although we would have made an exception in theory for young babies and reconsidered entirely if the few couples with kids would have struggled to attend due to childcare issues. So I'm obviously not adverse to them, but a child free destination wedding just reeks of people who can't (or won't) think about practicalities on behalf of their guests. Your options are:
a) Go and use local childcare- not a chance I'd pay for the privilege of leaving my child with a complete stranger in a foreign country, especially when they're so small.
b) Bring a grandparent or two with you, considerably increasing the cost of attendance with their flights and accomodation.
c) Have DH and the other 'Dads' look after the kids whilst you attend with your other close friends. This is probably the best option, especially if you can extend the trip into your first family holiday.
d) Don't go and make it clear you couldn't get childcare to cover the wedding and required travel time.

For a very good friend I would go with c), but in all other circumstances I'd be picking up the phone and relating d) to the bride.

Kimbaland · 24/02/2020 21:19

If you don't allow children at your wedding then you need to be prepared for their parents not to come either.

YANBU at all

VeeJayBee · 24/02/2020 21:35

YANBU! We had a child free wedding but we contacted anyone with young babies (under one) or anyone breastfeeding to say their babies are of course more than welcome. They didn’t take an extra seat or mouth to feed and they wouldn’t have been running around. And our wedding was local. You can’t expect people to come and leave their young babies at home especially abroad! They need to expect a lot of declines and yes, it is their wedding, but they have prioritised what is important to them - and that’s not having their closest friends there! I’d be upset about this too and I wouldn't be going and leaving my baby behind. I wouldn’t have left her for 5 minutes at that age. But then she was breast fed. Breast fed or not, she’s being unreasonable in my opinion!

rosesandcashmere · 24/02/2020 21:37

She's booked a wedding abroad knowing you all have babies. She likely loves your children but does not want them there. Just decline. She's pretending to be upset - I know as I did this. I married abroad so people wouldn't bring their children as we had horribly entitled family. It is an invite not a summons

Aridane · 24/02/2020 21:39

The whole point of getting married abroad is so as barely anyone attends. Just decline, say obviously you won’t be discarding your kid for a week, so have a lovely day, you’ll see her some other time.

✔️

Aridane · 24/02/2020 21:41

WHY Do people not REMOVE their crying babies from ceremonies and during speeches!

Partly selfishness, and partly I think you become slightly desensitised to your own child’s noise and don’t realise how annoying it can be. But to be honest by the time they’ve got up and clattered out of the ceremony, door slamming behind them, it’s pretty disruptive even when they do leave if it happens at the wrong moment.

They should sit at the back!

Or not go!

It the groom and bride go for a baby free wedding - we, hold on

Aridane · 24/02/2020 21:42

er, hold in

Leaannb · 24/02/2020 21:45

26 years ago when I got married It was suppose to be child free. My sister showed up anyway with 4 kids under 5 and didn’t understand why she was turned away at the door. It was an adult only wedding venue. No children allowed. She tried to sue me for 10.000 dollars for air fare,car rental. attire and accommodations. She got laughed out of court and was instead required to pay me for 5000 for missed worked and attorney fees plus the vacation we missed out on. Haven’t spoken to her in 10 years when she called me out of the blue because she got evicted. I just sat the phone down laughing her ass off

turnthebiglightoff · 24/02/2020 21:47

I had a friend who hasn't spoken to me since I said I can't go to her wedding which was planned to be 17 days after my child was born which turned out to be 13 days after. She told me I was selfish. For giving birth. And she expected me to be there regardless. 2 years, an episiotomy, kidney failure and 2 blood transfusions put paid to any attendance she was expecting. I explained how bad my labour and birth was and her response was "yeah I hear kidney problems are bad. Drinks soon"?

People are stupid. Especially those Bridezillas that genuinely think they're doing everyone a favour by inviting them to a wedding that's going onto cost them £1k just to attend. Idiots.