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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bride not allowing children to abroad wedding...

573 replies

Chokedwiththecold · 23/02/2020 09:15

Now, I know how this sounds, but I can't help being a bit annoyed about it.

I know that I don't Need to go.

My best friend is getting married this year abroad. Its over the school holidays so the price of the flights and accommodation is absolutely sooooo expensive. We are a very close girl group of 7 of us and 3 of us will have new born babies by the time the wedding comes around. Wedding was only booked a few months ago. Anyway, what's annoying me is the bride has said no kids allowed. I totally understand that people don't want kids at a wedding but I'm feeling really sad about not having to bring my baby as is our other friends. I don't see what difference it would make either. It's not like the would be running around making noise etc. I feel like I might not go but when I mentioned this she seemed so annoyed. I honestly don't know if I should go or not. I'm on the fence. My baby will be 5 months old.

Am I being unreasonable to think she's maybe being a little but unreasonable about this and she could have just allowed her best friends with their children.?

Thanks for listening to my rant.

OP posts:
MummyMayo1988 · 24/02/2020 18:08

She's perfectly within her rights to say no children but at the same time she cant expect the majority of her friends to leave their new borns at home.
I wouldn't go.
I breastfed all three of my children and found it very difficult to express for the second two. This would be a dealbraker for me as I wouldn't be prepared to leave my baby with formula.
Good luck x

jesst81 · 24/02/2020 18:13

I had my wedding abroad (Las Vegas) and said no kids. She can’t be upset if you don’t go but it is her wedding so she can choose whether kids go or not. Kids can be hectic at weddings and she obviously wants a certain vibe.

stupidcow7 · 24/02/2020 18:16

I wouldn't go, your baby will be 5 months old, not a chance would I go. I think your friend is being very selfish, I know it's her wedding, but expecting you you leave your baby is out of order, I wouldn't want to leave my kids now and they are 7 and 5 years old. Try having a chat with her, explain that your baby will be 5 months old and that if she really doesn't want children there, then unfortunately you won't be either.

Sventon · 24/02/2020 18:18

YANBU, however it’s her wedding and if that’s what she wants then so be it. It’s clear she doesn’t have children because asking a new parent to travel abroad for a wedding without their tiny baby is frankly unsettling and unreasonable. I’m actually stunned that she would ask this of you and I’m more stunned that she thinks this is a reasonable request. She needs to get over herself a bit and stop being a dick. How about the 3 of you with babies all refuse her invitation and have a party (with your babies) on the day instead!

Cutesbabasmummy · 24/02/2020 18:19

We had a child free wedding. However, I wouldnt have left our 5 month old baby at home to go abroad to a wedding. Dont go.

danfandango · 24/02/2020 18:19

Obviously an overseas wedding is a pain in the butt anyway for guests. As for no children - I suggest no parents either. Daft.

And where is this wedding being held? During a major flu epidemic it seems almost bizarre to expect people to travel in confined spaces and busy airports for a fleeting ceremony.

Feelingsupersonic1 · 24/02/2020 18:21

You are not being unreasonable. There is no way I would have left my baby at 5 months with someone to go abroad.

Could you go on the holiday with your hubby and baby and you go to ceremony on your own with the other pals then hubbies all join you later in the day with babies?

It is a challenge to make people without babies/kids understand how it feels when you don’t want to leave your child or can’t due to breastfeeding /lack of suitable childcare.

Feelingsupersonic1 · 24/02/2020 18:24

On the flip side I totally get she doesn’t want kids at her wedding - it’s her day her choice - my aunt and uncle said they couldn’t hear any of the ceremony at my brothers wedding as my cousins kids sitting infront of her spoke the whole way through it ....but it’s unreasonable of her to get upset with you if you can’t go because of your child.

browneyes77 · 24/02/2020 18:24

She’s not BU to have a child free wedding. Babies may not be toddlers who run about, but they do cry - loudly. Some people just don’t want to take the chance of any child making a racket when they’re taking their vows and having their moment.

However, she is BU to get annoyed at you not going with these rules in place, when she knows you’ll have a newborn. She’s welcome to have the wedding she wants, but has to accept that means some won’t come.

elenacampana · 24/02/2020 18:25

My wedding was in the UK and it was no kids. It would be no kids if it had been abroad also, regardless of how little/big. However, I would have expected people with young children not to be able to attend and I wouldn’t have minded. I couldn’t have expected them to leave babies at home for a couple of days but I certainly wouldn’t have wanted their kids at my wedding either!

Anele22 · 24/02/2020 18:29

No kids usually means no children running around. Babies in mothers' arms don't count. She is being ridiculous - how can she expect you to leave such a little one.

Ladykluck · 24/02/2020 18:33

Her wedding and her choice but I suspect a lot of people won’t go. My friend is getting married the other end of the country to where I live and has said no kids or plus ones ( including my husband) . Obviously not going but I think she must be expecting it.

jakeyboy1 · 24/02/2020 18:35

We went to a wedding abroad with a 5 month old, also took my parents to be babysitters. A year later the couple ghosted us! To this day not sure why! Never again!

Devlesko · 24/02/2020 18:35

Don't go and tell her why. I think once you have kids situations like this you just have sit them out.
If she's getting stroppy about it she's hardly a friend anyway.

anonacatchat · 24/02/2020 18:39

Leave the baby at home with a family member or don't go .

Or take the child and arrange a nanny to provide coverage .

She's within her right to not want kids there . I wouldn't want young children at my wedding either

Skandiminsk · 24/02/2020 18:43

This is a hard one!
It's their wedding and they want it to be perfect and they do want you there with your full attention which it won't be, if babies are crying, ill, to hot etc.
I suppose it comes down to whether you want time out from your responsibilities, time with your partner, being able to drink alcohol with out it affecting your baby through breastfeeding or taking your eye off the ball for a second or two then an accident happens.
If you decide to go & you breastfeed, express it off & freeze it. Take a pump with you so express it off & get rid of it whilst you're away so you don't have leaky boobs.
Even if the bride & groom change their minds, it is a hassle to bring all the necessary baby equipment & expensive too
If they don't change their minds & you feel you don't want to leave your baby for a few days; then your friends needs to accept that without guilt tripping you & put it down to 'it's a shame I/we can't attend. We would like to come but right now I/we just won't be able to make it'.

Esspee · 24/02/2020 19:10

Let’s hope when she has a baby someone close to her asks her to their wedding under similar circumstances. If she is a half decent mum she won’t consider leaving her baby and maybe then she will reflect about what an absolute arse she was when it was her wedding.

Rachel709 · 24/02/2020 19:12

I take it she has no kids?

PetiteMuffin · 24/02/2020 19:17

You’ve 100% made the right decision not to go. Your friend is BVVVU and a bridezilla. There’s no way in this world I’d go abroad and leave my child behind, especially at such a young age. I presume she doesn’t have any DC.... she’ll understand one day when she does.

BabyWenger · 24/02/2020 19:17

WHY Do people not REMOVE their crying babies from ceremonies and during speeches!

The mind boggles. If your baby/toddler is making noise during the vows especially.

FelicisNox · 24/02/2020 19:19

YANBU.

Yes it's her choice but she clearly thinks you're all going to leave your babies behind to cater to that choice: she needs to learn a harsh lesson, it's just a shame it will be on one of the most important days of her life.

Choices have consequences. C'est la vie.

Sandii · 24/02/2020 19:21

It’s ridiculous to expect people to pay summer holiday fares but leave their kids behind. She probably knows full well those of you who won’t come and is just inviting you so as not to offend . Just say no and you’ll see her for a local celebration afterwards . If she’s put out then stuff her ...

Andpppy · 24/02/2020 19:22

Some people may feel a financial strain or wish to avoiding the disruption to a young child to a matter which is really for adults. Quite honestly I would not expect to have to take a child to a wedding unless they were old enough to choose and keen to go (girls say 8 onwards boys would never ever want to go to a wedding ever unless they are over 18 and wanted a piss up. Think the OPs friend is being reasonable and sensible and should be applauded for this.

beautifulstranger101 · 24/02/2020 19:27

Selfish bridezilla will just have to have her wedding without her closest friends there then wont she?

lol - tough shit if she's upset about that. Copernicus called: turns out her wedding is not the centre of the universe! Grin

nannygoat50 · 24/02/2020 19:29

Totally up to the bride . Her wedding and I agree with her . 5 month old babies can be whingey and irritable and to be honest as the mother you won’t be able to relax and enjoy it with a baby in tow either