To ask were you smacked by your parents as a child, and do you forgive them now?

[blubberball]

I was smacked by my parents as a child. Sometimes they would completely lose their shit and smack me over and over, whilst shouting at me. Each syllable would be a smack. I remember wanting my dm to stop talking, so that she would stop hitting me. I remember being in the street and my dm taking a swing at my arse, and I managed to move to dodge it.

I guess it stopped at the "appropriate" age. 10 or something.

I have never smacked my dc, and would use time outs to discipline them. My parents moved with the times and followed my lead. I forgive them, and they are very loving and supportive now. It's strange to think that happened now.

Yes.

Of course.

I was smacked, when I deserved it.

Most memorable:

• Screaming and screaming in a shop because I wanted a balloon and no amount of talking to me was calming me down. Slap. I shut up from the shock of it.

• When my mother found out I'd been going into all the shod on the parade and hurling insults at the shop keepers - slap.

• when me and some friends decided to "collect for charity" door to door in order to raise pocket money. That was a slap and grounded for a month.

I'm sure there were others. I have no need to forgive her I deserved it and knew that if it came to the slap, I was really in the shit.

Personally, I think its what is missing today.

It’s not quite ‘forgive’, but I do understand that they are imperfect humans and a product of their own (tough) upbringings and the social norms at the time. They definitely hit in anger and it continued right up until I left home at 18. That was not great, but it is part of my past and we have a good, if slightly arms length, adult relationship.

It took me a while to get to that point, though, and others might never forgive or have very different feelings as adults, which is okay.

I don’t really understand the differentiation between smacking and hitting, tbh. It all felt very much the same as a child, it is parent using physical force against me because they can, when I am being taught at school that this is always wrong (so learning to rationalise this as ‘it’s wrong except when it’s me because only I deserve it).

Please don’t smack your children.

If only smacking was the worst thing they've done! I forgive them because now they'd make different decisions.

I know what you mean, OP. My dad hit me and it sounds very similar to the way your DM did it. I think there is a huge difference between a short sharp smack and repeated hitting over and over again. I wasn’t a bad child at all, and looking back the hitting was way over the top. I will never do this to my children, and I really do resent my parents for it.

I actually - reading above posts - think calm smacking is less forgivable that an unthinking angry smack on the bum.

Maybe something to do with premeditating that you have actively decided to whack the child, not just having a mad moment.

I was rarely smacked and I don't think after the age of 5.dad never smacked us , the threat was enough to keep us in line

I kept an open mind about smacking mine.the only time I came close was when I was angry which made me realise that I'd be doing it out of my own frustration.

But of course, there was no crime in the old days when everyone had a good slap once in a while.

I was smacked by my mum but never by my dad. It was definitely sometimes done in anger, sometimes to 'discipline' me. My mum's dead so I don't suppose I can forgive her, she would certainly never have asked for forgiveness, she didn't see anything wrong in it. I have wondered if they discussed it though, came to an agreement about it? I would never hit my kids and I would leave dp if he did.

I was smacked and most of the time it hasn’t stayed with me. Except once. I was 12, I was being badly bullied at school and had no friends, my parents would never let me out of the house/garden without them or to go to groups/clubs, so I wasn’t learning any social skills.

I told my dad, while he was refusing me permission to go to the park down the road, that I felt like wanted to kill myself. I genuinely did at that time, I remember how desolate and hopeless I felt.

He held my wrists and hit me really hard across the back of my legs and shouted at me.

I know he was panicking. It’s the only time he ever hit me, and he is and always has been a loving dad - even if my parents didn’t always get things right, it was done out of love. But that day, I’ll never forget. I only didn’t follow through with my threat because I was too scared to try. But I wanted to die.

Trouble is fairminded and calm parents might be able to carry out the odd light smack in a fair and calm manner, but many parents are not calm and fair minded and defending/encouraging smacking effectively gives those parents a licence to start whacking their child. And fairminded calm parents don’t need to resort to smacking in the first place!

I only remember one smacking incident but I know there were more. I have a clear memory of being asked how old I was and having to answer 6 which meant six whacks with a wooden spoon.

It's abusive and no I don't forgive it.

I think if your patience levels are that short youd have to resort to violence against a child you should probably reconsider having kids. have never and will never understand why anyone should inflict "a good smack" on a young person. I wouldn't accept that as an adult so why should a child? still a person who deserves love and respect.

It was just the norm then. I wasn't smacked in the 70s but that was unusual and people thought my parents were lenient. Times change. It's still normal to smack children in most countries in the world.

I was smacked as a child, and once my mother broke her finger hitting me. She also tried to briefly drown me in the bath. She had PND though (after my sibling was born) and no support. I forgive her, but we don’t have a close relationship.

The actual smacking I can overlook.

"Wait till you father gets home"
Waiting for a punishment to be metered out
Hitting out in temper
The atmosphere of fear

I can't. I understand that smacking was acceptable back then and I know my parents had a difficult time when we were young so I don't resent them for using it as a punishment but all the above didn't need to be part of it.
I'm not perfect and I have smacked each of mine a couple of times when I've lost control or instinctively (being kicked in the boobs by a toddler whilst changing them and swiping their legs away type of thing) but it's in no way an overriding memory of their childhood compared to mine.

@KisstheTeapot14
Agree, it’s a bit weird and Victorian. Imagine the poor child having to anticipate the coming smack. When we take a kid to do a jab the doctor will usually try to do stick the needle in on an off beat when the child isn’t expecting it. Doing the exact opposite as a punishment is kind of perverse IMO.

No forgiveness required here either. I'm 66 and a smack was the normal way to keep a child in line when I was a kid. My school even caned pupils who needed some firm discipline. Unlike OP's experiences, I was not smacked excessively - only strictly when deserved (which it was sometimes!). It taught me at a very early age where my behavioural boundaries were, what was and was not acceptable and the clear difference between right and wrong.

I remain eternally grateful to my parents for clearly setting those boundaries for me at an early age and think I'm a better person for it in adulthood. I agree with @Callimanco ... a quick smack to re-inforce a message early on prevented a huge amount of wayward behaviour later in life.

^*I was smacked, when I deserved it.

Most memorable:

• Screaming and screaming in a shop because I wanted a balloon and no amount of talking to me was calming me down. Slap. I shut up from the shock of it.

• When my mother found out I'd been going into all the shod on the parade and hurling insults at the shop keepers - slap.

• when me and some friends decided to "collect for charity" door to door in order to raise pocket money. That was a slap and grounded for a month.

I'm sure there were others. I have no need to forgive her I deserved it and knew that if it came to the slap, I was really in the shit.

Personally, I think its what is missing today.*^

Posts like this leave me utterly bemused.

I will never forgive my parents for a whole host of reasons, and this is one of them. I can't begin to understand how any adult, regardless of the 'norm of the times' could look at a child and want to physically cause them harm. My parents certainly never behaved like that with other adults, or other people's children, so why would I accept that I as the child they chose to have would deserve that.

It's a counterproductive method when we aim to teach our children that violence is not the answer and preach kindness but fail to set the example. I can't imagine a single thing my (not angelic) children could do to compell me to hit them. Times have changed, yes, but people have not, and parents of years gone by were just as capable of deciding not to issue physical punishment as we are now. There's no excuse.

I appreciate different people will have different experiences but the only thing I can reasonably describe it as is a power trip. Unnecessary and ineffective. All the child learns is to fear the very person supposed to protect them.

No I don’t forgive them, because
a) it was abuse and
b) they never repented or asked for forgiveness.
Father thought it was ok to drag his daughters round by their hair and beat them with a horsewhip. There is no fucking way that is “forgivable” treatment of an eight year old.
When raising my own DDs, I tried to avoid ever even smacking them.
On the two occasions when I did give a single small smack, I discussed their bad behaviour immediately afterwards, got them to apologise, and then I apologised also, and explained that hitting was unacceptable and I shouldn’t have lost my temper. They grew up knowing that violence is never acceptable.

Different times, different values. There is nothing to forgive.

@ACautionaryTale
This is what’s missing today? This thread would suggest the polar opposite. IMO what’s missing today is the same as in the past - parents who don’t give a shit about putting the time and effort into raising decent citizens and/or passing on their own hateful/cynical/selfish worldview. The odd smack is neither here nor there.

Yes, as was the norm in those days. It was always following bad behaviour and didn't happen very often as I understood being naughty had consequences. Just parenting, so nothing to forgive.

I was smacked. Not often.
Nothing to forgive I was a dick to them.. I can remember each instance. I guess that was the norm. My father is still very much in that mind set and days that's why so many kids are bad now as there's no smacking, kane etc. I don't smack tho.

BaldricksWife how is hitting a bubba just parenting? its abusive and abhorrent