To ask were you smacked by your parents as a child, and do you forgive them now?

[blubberball]

I was smacked by my parents as a child. Sometimes they would completely lose their shit and smack me over and over, whilst shouting at me. Each syllable would be a smack. I remember wanting my dm to stop talking, so that she would stop hitting me. I remember being in the street and my dm taking a swing at my arse, and I managed to move to dodge it.

I guess it stopped at the "appropriate" age. 10 or something.

I have never smacked my dc, and would use time outs to discipline them. My parents moved with the times and followed my lead. I forgive them, and they are very loving and supportive now. It's strange to think that happened now.

Yes, I was smacked. I was also beaten with a leather belt.

Have I forgiven my parents (45-50 years later)? No, not really.

Did I smack my children? Absolutely not.

i can totally forgive "different times, different values" kind of thing, but not the fact my mother used to beat me for no good reason.

I was smacked regularly when being a lippy little brat and I don't think I need to forgive anybody.

This is shocking reading actually. How anyone can justify hitting a child to teach them how to behave is baffling.
How do you teach them not to hit? Surely all they're going to learn is you hit people younger than yourself.

I’ll never forgive my parents for hitting us, people who love their children don’t hit them, no matter how irritating they can be. It’s abuse, plain and simple.

Honestly I find people describing in detail how they were abused as children on a public forum a little disturbing to say the least. You do realise that the entire world has access to what you write? It’s not just some cosy private little chat.

Yes. Mostly done in anger. I don't feel it's something I need to forgive them for - they were doing what they had grown up with and what they thought was best.

It didn't actually stop me being naughty much at the time, though. And while it hasn't traumatised me for life or anything I don't think it did me much good in the long run to see adults deal with anger/fear/disapproval by yelling and hitting.

Yes from time to time when they lost control. But I don't really blame them as I was very naughty as a child and would have tried the patience of a saint! I don't really care, it wasn't ideal and they'd probably admit that themselves, but no harm done.

Yes I was occasionally, I don't think there's anything to forgive. It was different times.

My Dsis and I were smacked. We haven't needed to forgive our mum (who did the smacking) because she never forgave herself. She watched how I handled my own DDs and realised that she could have done that too, with a little more patience and sense, and felt terrible.

Smacking is absolutely awful, lazy parenting.

Only remember being smacked once, and boy did I deserve it! Nothing to forgive. However, rarely got to the point where we needed to be smacked as my mother had 'the death look' when you knew you had stepped over the line, and it was infallible!! Stopped us dead in our tracks.

I am in my 60's and yes I was smacked as a child. Not that often though.

I have never felt there was anything to forgive. It was pretty much common then.

I don't really agree with it but, let's be honest, children were on the whole much better behaved in the past.

I definitely think there should be some sort of punishment in schools not just detention. I have friends who are teachers and their stories are frightening.

At my school girls and boys could be caned and the majority of pupils behaved as they didn't want the cane. Today they know not much will happen and they swear at teachers, push them and worse. Something needs to be done

Yes i was and no i don't.

Some really weird posts on here. I think sadly some people are completely incapable of taking off their blinkers.

I also don't get all these 'it's what's missing today', 'it's why kids are so bad' etc.

Is there evidence to say that kids today are much worse now than they were years ago?

My parents grew up in the times when there was corporal punishment in schools, they were hit at home. I know that my parents, their siblings and most of their friends got up to all sorts of bad things. Most were smoking by age 11 or 12, shoplifting, fighting, out causing trouble they left school with poor grades. The reason? Poverty, nothing to do with being smacked or not, they all had more than their share of being smacked.

Those weren't better times.

OMG I am horrified by what I am reading here.

I was never smacked. I have never smacked my children. I have lost my temper of course and that's not perfect either but physically attacking? I can't even think of it.

How on earth is it ok to hit a small, vulnerable, defenseless child? No matter what the reason. Is that really the best you can do? Hit someone and know you are going to 'win'? 'That'll teach them' - so you teach by humiliating and hurting. Not the best teaching method I would have thought (I and not a teacher so am open to correction).

To the postrs who were smacked and 'it never did me any harm' - i disagree. Strongly.

OP I'm sorry you were hit so violently.

Hate physical punishment - totally unnecessary. I do agree that it was the norm in the 70s, so I don’t feel angry about it. Parents just did what they thought was right. Having said that both male siblings were hit with hands, belts and other things which was awful to witness. Lots of shouting etc so very unpleasant. My parents are very decent people who support us without question...severe addiction, crime and poor mental health.

As far as I am aware there hasn't been any smacking in my family since around the year 1900. Lots of firm, calm discipline, general expectation of good behaviour, very little shouting. I don't think my grandparents on either side where the kind who cared all that much about general expectations tbh.

From what I can see of the parenting going on in the current generation (my nieces) what worked well in the 1920s seems to work well still: expectations of good behaviour combined with clear understanding of child development, consistency, firm calm discipline.

My MIL otoh used to claim that she had smacked dh, but dh has no recollection of this ever having happened. I used to half wonder if she said she had because those were the expectations, that's what she felt she ought to have done, but that in real life she actually got on perfectly well without it. She was a very jolly, lovable but forthright person and I don't think she had discipline problems. We all listened to MIL.

I was smacked and I resent my parents for using this form of discipline. I will never raise a hand to my child. I wouldn't hit an adult, or an animal for that matter, so I won't be using violence with a small human.

To the postrs who were smacked and 'it never did me any harm' - i disagree. Strongly.

Why do you disagree with people being honest? People are giving their experiences and outcomes. Doesn't make them wrong for having a differing opinion to you

I wasn't smacked and I didn't smack my own children, we've all turned out fine, surprisingly it is possible to discipline your children without getting physical with them

^*I definitely think there should be some sort of punishment in schools not just detention. I have friends who are teachers and their stories are frightening.

At my school girls and boys could be caned and the majority of pupils behaved as they didn't want the cane. Today they know not much will happen and they swear at teachers, push them and worse. Something needs to be done*^

The problems in school run far deeper than just beating the kids to solve the problem. I think the main problem is that the parents just don't care, a lot of the children that are acting up at school have shit chaotic possibly even abusive home lives. You might be able to beat them into submission at school (maybe), but this isn't going to turn them into productive adults. It doesn't get to the root of the problem.

If anything it should be the parents getting beaten not the kids.

Yes I was smacked sometimes, no doubt o deserved it. It was a different time. Nothing to forgive. I've never smacked my kids.

I got smacked on a rare occasion. It was as a last resort, after ignoring or disobeying repeated warnings about things I knew not to do. My parents were responsive, they listened to me, were caring, and met my emotional needs, but like all children, there was an odd day when I was simply determined to misbehave and nothing would have worked. On those occasions I was often endangering myself, others, or their property, and a quick firm smack to the backside worked quickly to remind me that i was not the master of the universe!

I don't feel there is anything to forgive. I have a great relationship with my parents.

My mother slapped all of us occasionally and shouted a lot, which was often more frightening or hurtful. A teacher also once slapped me. It was always ridiculously disproportionate to the issue imo both then and now.

I've never really known what forgiveness is, tbh. I don't want revenge and I still love my mother.

Would I ever hit someone who wasn't physically threatening me? Never. Have I ever hit my DC? Never. Did I respect my mother less because of her lack of self control? Yes. Did I trust her less? Yes. Would our adult relationship be closer if she hadn't hit me? Probably.

I feel pity or contempt for people who smack their children, depending on the wider context.

Last smacked at 14 by my father who exploded in from another room, because I 'cheeked my mother', ie did not agree with what she wanted and argued back. I have no recollection of what it was - it was something banal, and I never did any of the things other teenagers did at that time so it can't have been that bad.

It didn't happen again because I held my wheesht until I could leave. Also, my younger brother hit my mother back when he was about the same age so they had to rethink. The younger siblings did not have to put up with it in their teens.

I was told by my mother that my brother had forgiven her and I should, but I know that my brother, now in his 50s, has lasting issues over this - we have touched on it in conversation and it is obviously painful for him, but we can't go on to discuss it.

Both my parents worked with children and this didn't happen there