To ask were you smacked by your parents as a child, and do you forgive them now?

[blubberball]

I was smacked by my parents as a child. Sometimes they would completely lose their shit and smack me over and over, whilst shouting at me. Each syllable would be a smack. I remember wanting my dm to stop talking, so that she would stop hitting me. I remember being in the street and my dm taking a swing at my arse, and I managed to move to dodge it.

I guess it stopped at the "appropriate" age. 10 or something.

I have never smacked my dc, and would use time outs to discipline them. My parents moved with the times and followed my lead. I forgive them, and they are very loving and supportive now. It's strange to think that happened now.

No, I’m NC now with one for that reason.

Teachers manage to discipline whole classes of thirty children without physical punishment.

I’ve never bought into why it needs to be done ever. A child can’t remove themselves nor protect themselves from it.If DH does something wrong or annoys me I don’t smack him or it would, quite rightly, be assault.

Everybody in our house got smacked, by any family member, granny, auntie, mum, I never recall grandad smacking cause he was so laid back. Sometimes we get a smack with the wooden spoon or the drying cloth. Did us no harm & there’s nothing to forgive.

Hitting a child for the adults gratification is different, beating uncontrollably is dif

I was very definitely threatened with a smacked bottom if I didn't behave but I can't for the life of me remember if it happened.

I am not hugely forgiving of some of the atmospheres of nerves that were far more scary and memorable than a slap on the bum to me.

My mum had severe mental health difficulties - still does - and it's hard to know how I feel in relation to my dad, who chose not to remove us from that situation. But it's not straight-forward. He would almost certainly lost access to my half-siblings who weren't his.

If I were making wishes, I'd have wanted him to stand up to her more, not let us be the victims of her difficulties.

Occasionally by my dad, and yes, I definitely forgive him. I find it harder to forgive my mum for other stuff.

No, I’m NC now with one for that reason.

Teachers manage to discipline whole classes of thirty children without physical punishment.

I’ve never bought into why it needs to be done ever. A child can’t remove themselves nor protect themselves from it.If DH does something wrong or annoys me I don’t smack him or it would, quite rightly, be assault.

I can forgive the smacking as that was discipline in that era, but what I can't forgive was the thick leather belt up and down my legs. This was at the time when mini skirts were the norm. Mum smacked, dad the leather belt. But mum knew what he would do by telling him if me or my brother were naughty even though she had already smacked.

My mother stopped hitting me when I hit her back. Quite recently she told me that she hit me more than my siblings because I "was more annoying than the others". So not "to teach me right from wrong" or any of the other crap excuses for physical abuse on this thread. She did it because she wanted to and she could. She stopped when it became inconvenient. I do find it hard to forgive, yes. I don't trust her with my dc.

My dad did, and it wasn't when I was "naughty" but was a power/control thing for him. As such, no, I don't forgive him, but he would never even think about it or think there's anything to forgive.

OP it sounds like you were physically abused - what you describe is more than a smack for discipline. Losing your temper and repeatedly hitting a child was always wrong. Screaming abuse at a child would be equally wrong - a modern day equivalent. So yes I think there is something to forgive. Perhaps your mum was really struggling. Maybe it would help to discuss it with her?
My parents used the odd smack and I don't think it caused any issues - but there was one occasion when my mum lost it and hit me in anger. She apologised at the time and never did it again. I have forgiven her for that.

Everybody in our house got smacked, by any family member, granny, auntie, mum, I never recall grandad smacking cause he was so laid back. Sometimes we get a smack with the wooden spoon or the drying cloth. Did us no harm & there’s nothing to forgive.

No, I’m NC now with one for that reason.

Teachers manage to discipline whole classes of thirty children without physical punishment.

I’ve never bought into why it needs to be done ever. A child can’t remove themselves nor protect themselves from it.If DH does something wrong or annoys me I don’t smack him or it would, quite rightly, be assault.

I don’t remember ever being disciplined, I was an only child for a long time (till past 11). I have a hard time forgiving my parents for being negligent in not teaching me that the sun doesn’t shine out my ass.

No, I’m NC now with one for that reason.

Teachers manage to discipline whole classes of thirty children without physical punishment so I’ve never bought into why it needs to be done ever. A child can’t remove themselves nor protect themselves from it.If DH does something wrong or annoys me I don’t smack him or it would, quite rightly, be assault.

I don’t know about forgiving because it hasn’t scarred me for life or anything, but I understand it far less now I’m a mother. I would rather drink acid than strike my little boy and I don’t really see how anybody could.

OP it sounds like you were physically abused - what you describe is more than a smack for discipline. Losing your temper and repeatedly hitting a child was always wrong. Screaming abuse at a child would be equally wrong - a modern day equivalent. So yes I think there is something to forgive. Perhaps your mum was really struggling. Maybe it would help to discuss it with her?
My parents used the odd smack and I don't think it caused any issues - but there was one occasion when my mum lost it and hit me in anger. She apologised at the time and never did it again. I have forgiven her for that.

Yes and yes. It was never very hard and more used as a threat than actually carried out. And the few times I did get it, it was pretty deserved.

It's the emotional abuse from my mother I have trouble forgiving.

The trouble is, far too many parents smack their children in the moment out of anger - that is the absolute WRONG way (like the poor OP's experience with smacking which was absolutely wrong and cruel).

You NEVER smack your child when you're angry. Never do it to 'punish' them. If the child has been naughty and you're very wound up and irritated still because of it, walk away until you calm down. When you are completely calm, go and explain to your child what they did they did wrong and that they're going to get a smack because you love them and want them to learn not to be disobedient and naughty (or similar kind of wording/theme). Then one smack on their bum (where it will sting but will not damage them, hit a bone etc) will suffice. This is how my parents raised us 4 and we are all thankful for it. Even as kids. Once the upset wore off, I knew they did the right thing and I was grateful for it because it showed me they loved me enough to discipline me in the most effective way for me.

The aim is discipline, not punishment. Any parent who REACTS to a naughty child by lashing out in anger is not going to discipline them, it's abuse and will leave the child confused and very angry.

Smacked yes but not in the way you describe op. I’m late 40s so a 70s child and smacking was commonplace but from memory it would be one smack, not often and I had a very happy childhood. I have smacked my dc when they were younger (now older teens) but rarely. I’ve never considered I need to forgive. It was never out of control or inappropriate.

The trouble is, far too many parents smack their children in the moment out of anger - that is the absolute WRONG way (like the poor OP's experience with smacking which was absolutely wrong and cruel).

You NEVER smack your child when you're angry. Never do it to 'punish' them. If the child has been naughty and you're very wound up and irritated still because of it, walk away until you calm down. When you are completely calm, go and explain to your child what they did they did wrong and that they're going to get a smack because you love them and want them to learn not to be disobedient and naughty (or similar kind of wording/theme). Then one smack on their bum (where it will sting but will not damage them, hit a bone etc) will suffice. This is how my parents raised us 4 and we are all thankful for it. Even as kids. Once the upset wore off, I knew they did the right thing and I was grateful for it because it showed me they loved me enough to discipline me in the most effective way for me.

The aim is discipline, not punishment. Any parent who REACTS to a naughty child by lashing out in anger is not going to discipline them, it's abuse and will leave the child confused and very angry.

No, I don’t forgive. My mum was very unreasonable and so we were smacked completely unnecessarily. So if she was in a bad mood, we would end up getting smacked, regardless of how our behaviour had been.

I don’t know about forgiving because it hasn’t scarred me for life or anything, but I understand it far less now I’m a mother. I would rather drink acid than strike my little boy and I don’t really see how anybody could.

Never smacked by my parents (I'm in my 50's). I was "whacked" at school with a slipper by one of the nuns. I don't forgive her.

No, I don’t forgive. My mum was very unreasonable and so we were smacked completely unnecessarily. So if she was in a bad mood, we would end up getting smacked, regardless of how our behaviour had been.