How much should your partner earn....

[nonwonderwoman]

I have always been ambitious but my DH has outstripped my earnings by at least double check in the last 5 years.
This hasn't generally bothered me as I have earned well in the legal profession and developed an excellent reputation at work. However my DH has recently been awarded a salary of £215k + .
The feminist in me wants to keep going to work and building my reputation and professional life but the realist in me wonders whether to give up my job and start enjoying a simple life. ABUR?

If your DH earns 215k then childcare should be no issue.

Go part time if you think that word make you happier as you can always increase your hours again at a later date.

Save well for yourself should your personal circumstances change at a later date and live the life you want now.

Work is to pass the time, it gives you purpose and financial security but real life is in the evenings and weekends/holidays so concentrate on getting more fulfillment from those.

I earn a good salary. DH earns a great salary. The difference between a goos salary and a great salary is vast and I don't ever pretend I'll compete. I do my job because I love it and will always ensure I am financially independent. We share money; we share everything. DH pays £800 monthly into my private pension because that's the amount he pays into his own and I don't earn enough to build it up to that degree - he is insistent that all money is 'ours'. But I don't think I'd ever be entirely happy relying on someone with no back-up plan.

However, I'm also of the mindset that you should be able to reduce your hours and even give up work if it suits your family, it's just that it can leave the non-worker vulnerable and so many times here on MN I've read posts from people whose partners were high earners but behaved abominably because they were the breadwinner and had a sense of arrogance about the whole thing.

If my DP earner that and was ok with it I would go to part time. At least. If he wasn’t happy to support me on that wage (fair enough) I’d just keep working full time. I just don’t see the point in you continuing work if he is happy for you to give it up.

Just be aware that having one partner being the sole earner can bring a lot of issues with it!

@FudgeBrownie2019 DH pays £800 monthly into my private pension This does not seem very tax efficient - you'd be better off putting all your salary into your pension - up to £800/month - the Gov would then top your pension up. - Sorry if I've misunderstood - you said you had a good job and you shared finances and then your dh pays your pension...

I would stop working in my current job and retrain or start my own business.

I'd also do this part time. Kids and working full time are exhaustingly stressful.

Lucky you op!!

When I stopped work my salary and bonuses were about £100k and DH was scraping about £50k with prospects. "

Scraping...jeezo 🙄

I took that to mean he was on something like £49,975 and it was just easier to say "scraping 50k" - as in "almost", not "struggling by"

I agree with other responses. Always earn your own money, never rely on someone else to fund your lifestyle and definitely don't assume you'll always be married to your husband. I would never give up work, even if I won the lottery (which I don't take part in anyway). I'd be bored to tears and I like to be active and on the go all the time. After having my son more than twenty years ago, even though I love him and wanted to spend time with him as a mother, I couldn't wait to return to work. Good luck :)

I've got an in-house legal job interview lined up for tomorrow with a really family friendly flexible company - so if I get it, I'll definitely be asking to work a shorter week!

Thanks all!

Hey, great news OP! Good luck

Good news OP, good luck!

How would your husband feel about you quitting work?

Doesn't sound like you want to quit. Why not go part time?

I left work in your situation, happy with my choice. I felt frustrated that we both spent the same amount of hours at work but I’d be paid so little, even with similar roles.

I was happy to leave though and get on with a new chapter. If you’re not sure then part time or even a new venture working for yourself might be an option?

How did it go OP?

All the best, OP, with the interview.

I am an an in-house lawyer. It is busy at a more constant level (fee-earning can have peaks and troughs) but much more manageable from a headspace perspective (no hourly/billing targets or time recording) and being able to control your time.

Make sure you read AnnoyedinJanuary's excellent post below.

The day I decided, literally the day, that I would continue Sahm life and just focus on gardening, my own hobbies etc once the kids were at school, my husband had a breakdown, chucked in his high paying job just like that, and called me.

I did not see it coming, and it was pretty tough getting back into the job market to be able to earn enough for us to live on (DH got a job, low paid, after a year)

Those high flying jobs can really suck the soul out of you, and not everyone can take the constant pressure involved in that kind of job for a long time.

So do what you like, but don’t render yourself unemployable is my advice.

I was the fool that did not heed this advice and it was a rude awakening