How much should your partner earn....

[nonwonderwoman]

I have always been ambitious but my DH has outstripped my earnings by at least double check in the last 5 years.
This hasn't generally bothered me as I have earned well in the legal profession and developed an excellent reputation at work. However my DH has recently been awarded a salary of £215k + .
The feminist in me wants to keep going to work and building my reputation and professional life but the realist in me wonders whether to give up my job and start enjoying a simple life. ABUR?

I know we don’t like to live thinking like this but say you guys split up down the line and you’d not worked in years, you won’t be as employable as someone who is on work. I’d keep your earning power just to have it. You could drop hours if you want. But I’d not stop working just in the case of something untoward happening x

As soon as my DH started earning big bucks I took a year out ( I’m a teacher)
That was 5 years ago . I LOVE not working - can’t see me going back to work.

Have you looked into unpaid parental leave at work?

Just do what you love... having more choice is the best thing about having more money. DH brought home over £500k last year and I still work part-time because I love my work (in mental health field working with vulnerable ppl). I’ve been a SAHM before and didn’t enjoy it. I consider myself a feminist and I choose what suits me and us as a family.
I’ve thought about giving up work before because what I earn is negligible. But it’s not just about the money but it has to do self-esteem, sense of purpose in life, contribution to society and connections with other people.
DH and I often discuss at what point do you stop working, the answer is that neither us will completely stop probably til we are in our 60s no matter how much we have net worth-wise. DH also loves his work and his hours are flexible and he’s there for all the concerts, sports day etc.

Hope you find a good balance for you and your family too.

What a worry to have 🙄

My DH earns 3x my salary but I have been in full time employment since the day I left school 31 years ago. I love what I do and the financial independence I have if needed. Only you know what would work for you and your DH.

I used to earn that with PwC but it’s a shitty life really so stepped down to half when we’d paid of the mortgage and I’m much happier - when hit 45 I realised how much I had to do on the bucket list. I’ve found the time to form a rock band with new friends!

I earn 110k and my husband 250k - and believe it or not every penny is accounted for and I wear mostly h&m. I don't feel jealous at all - only grateful and happy I play my part. And no - even though I'm bone tired, with 3 kids, 2 of which are special needs, I have seen too many divorces, deaths and financially abused stay at home mums to ever consider giving up my financial independence. If you keep working because you're competitive with your husband you need to dig deep and find a better motivation! Perhaps a career change will bring you more satisfaction than the money competition?

I earn 110k and my husband 250k - and believe it or not every penny is accounted for and I wear mostly h&m.

Unless H&M is the only place you want to buy from and/or you are paying big hospital bills, I’d seriously suggest you revise your expenditure and downsize. Accounting for every penny when your household is bringing in 350K per annum means you are in well over your heads in debt!

I earn 110k and my husband 250k - and believe it or not every penny is accounted for and I wear mostly h&m

Frankly, I don’t believe a word of it. Nobody wears “mostly H&M” when they’ve got 30 grand a month coming in.

Being with someone should never be based on earnings
Its a shallow way to live
It should be about caring about each other and feeling you are enriching each others lives
Money isn't everything
Ive been rich and miserable and also quite poor but happy at different times in my life

@PattiPrice We are paying big carer bills along with private school bills with private classroom shadows for the kids as they weren't welcome in the state system. And yes we're paying off debts from the years where I stayed at home as a bone tired carer, and my husband didn't earn nearly as much but we've been fighting our way to be back on our feet. There's also a small (but big) thing call tax! Our salaries look good on paper but there's a whole lot going on underneath the surface!

So a few things to think about - coming from someone who earns quite a bit more than your husband:
1 - depends where you are in UK - while this sounds like a lot of money for less expensive areas where houses can be bought for 300-400k - in London that equates to just over £1MM for a mortgage at 5 times your salary and that won't buy a house in most nice areas. Is that a salary or does bonus come on top?
2 - Have you a current mortgage and is it paid off - if you still have a mortgage - then continue to work and pay if off faster - why should you get to sit at home while your husband has to work longer to pay the bills - maybe he'd like to be a stay at home Dad at some point in the future.
3 - Have you kids and how do you plan to educate them - good state schools or private? If private - then you're talking about £60k out of that salary to be able to pay fees of say £35k for 2 kids net of tax. Then what about Uni - do you intend to let them take a loan or will you pay? That's another £9k per year per kid just on fees if you intend to pay.
4 - Do you have other passive income streams - shares / investments / property? If so then that's guaranteed income without having to work.
5 - Jobs which pay that amount usually come with stress - is your husband exposed to severe stress from work and if so - long term that affects your health - are you prepared to risk that so that you can stop working? Does he plan to work until he's 65? Is he happy with that? Are you?
6 - Yes Consultancy firms pay big bucks - however soon as a downturn comes (and one IS coming) then the more expensive employees get the chop unless they have a particular skill set which is needed - those iobs can go as quick as they arise.
7 - If this were you - would you be happy for him to give up his job - just because you earned significantly more than him? Is that even fair to consider?
8 - Most people's objective in life is to be able to downsize or retire - by giving up your job - you are pushing that back for your husband.
9 - And yes like most other people have said - what if he were to leave you or you leave him - what then?
It is definitely a good salary - but don't take it for granted that it will go on forever - and don't not plan for the future because it's a good salary.

What about a sabbatical and see how it feels?

@Rogben13 Yes, 2 of my 3 daughters ( who all decided never to become teachers) and their husbands are on similar total salaries as yours but don't feel as though they are struggling either.
The other Son in Law earns slightly more ( nothing like the salaries mentioned on this thread but he is in the Navy on submarines.)
My girls were used to camping ( in a tent) every summer and that is now what their families do, etc. You live within your means.

However, the high salaries I am reading about utterley astound me. Especially so, knowing how hard my husband and I worked for the comparatively little we earnt.

I have struggled for 5 Years to get back to work on a regular basis to fit with the children, one at primary and one at secondary now I have been applying for any role Admin or advisor level constantly since I finished my last contract in 2019 it is like buying a house I just keep trying to find the right thing until I get it!! I am spending the 5 hours whilst they are at school wearing work clothes weird I know! to keep motivated and look and apply undertaking and attending interviews, not earning is horrible and an impact on confidence and well being also debt as we are not high earners like yourself. If it works I wouldn’t resign. I will never earn 70k but 30k pro rated would be great and would be fantastic, I have tried the volunteering and the temporary positions but doesn’t seem to be enough.. I am only 44 not retired age yet...

I think if my DH earned that amount it would make me more determined, not less, to work.

What if we separated?

Oh look, another thread full of people making thinly disguised boasts about their wealth.

Well done.

I think if my DH earned that amount it would make me more determined, not less, to work.

This doesn’t make any sense. If you separated you would get half his assets whether he was on £35K or £215K. My guess is you’d prefer to get half the assets of the latter earner?

I look at it two ways.

Firstly, I’d want to keep my own earning power and not depend financially on someone else. Because if the relationship god forbid ever went tits up, that income you earn will be a huge help to you. As will the continued skills you’re keeping fresh.

Secondly. I’d always think ‘what if he ever lost his job? We’d have no income at all coming in if I wasn’t working’.

That’s just me and how my brain works though!

@GinPin2 You’ve hit the nail on the head...you live within your means and as long as kids are priority and are happy I don’t think it matters about having a huge salary. The salaries being mentioned on here I’m also astounded by it...I can only assume (could be totally wrong here) that most are working down south.
We have teachers in the family and have always been in awe of how hard working they are but also how genuinely rewarding they find it. I think that’s why a lot stay doing what they do even though the salary isn’t quite what it should be. (Plus the holidays aren’t half bad 😂)

This doesn’t make any sense

I was thinking more about any possible power dynamic/imbalances in that marriage. I wouldn't want to be dependant on a man who earned such a vast amount... It would make me feel much more vulnerable than if he earned, say, £30k.

Maybe that's just me though.

It would make me feel much more vulnerable than if he earned, say, £30k

If he earned 30K you’d hardly be in the same dilemma as the OP as it wouldn’t be an option to give up work surely.

Shit the bed I feel completely brassic reading this.. that's loads of money! Even £70000 would be nice. We don't earn even half that but the deal has always been that we both work half the week each so we can both spend time with our children. We have worked hard to pay our mortgage off though but I'd rather have quality of life over money anyday. I say it's a life balance & you have to consider all of the families needs including all of the adults

If he’s earning that amount it comes at a price. He’s unlikely to be the parent attending events for DC, sorting out household emergencies etc. Can you work 4 days a week flexibly? So you can take time off as needed? My DH earns similar (actually he’s unemployed atm and not rushing back) and I don’t work full time to be able to study and look after house, parents and pil.