How much should your partner earn....

[nonwonderwoman]

I have always been ambitious but my DH has outstripped my earnings by at least double check in the last 5 years.
This hasn't generally bothered me as I have earned well in the legal profession and developed an excellent reputation at work. However my DH has recently been awarded a salary of £215k + .
The feminist in me wants to keep going to work and building my reputation and professional life but the realist in me wonders whether to give up my job and start enjoying a simple life. ABUR?

@nonwonderwoman
Sounds like you enjoy your career & have obviously worked hard over the years to get where you are. If you still want to have a career & still free up some time to be around kids more, would going part-time be an option In your line of work?
I work 2 days a week (1&1/2 actually!) , manage all the school runs etc myself as I want to do this. My husband earns reasonably well, which is why I had the option to go part time. Also as kids get older & if I get bored at home (which I likely will), I have kept my “hand in” & it’s easier to pickup more hours if needed.

I would stay at home for a while. Your children are not little for long.

Can't quite believe one or two replies " My husband ONLY earns half of your husband's salary." WOW!

My husband and I always earnt the same when I was full time - both teachers.

After 40 years of teaching his final salary was £34,000 !

My view is enjoy your life with your children, they are young only for a short period of time, and manage your finances jointly. Keep up to date with some training and you can return to work when you want to. Be happy.

As long as you have enough please put time with your children before all else. Your aspirations salary wise should not be related to his once you have a secure income

Work gives you meaning and purpose and life is empty without it.*

I could not disagree more. Thankfully my life is very full and purposeful without commuting and office politics in it!

It doesn't matter what you earn in relation to him. You are a family, and need to decide as a couple what is best for all of you. If you want to stop working because as a family you can live on his income and you will all be happier with less juggling of work and childcare you should just do that.

You could live on his income and invest yours? Not just for you, obviously: it would be a rainy-day fund for the whole family.

I’d keep my job I think, but I’d maybe just do 2 days a week rather than 4, just for something to do. The idea of being a SAHM is not for me at all. I’d get so bored.

Working full time with 2 you g children is madness if you don’t need to. Ask to go part time or find a new part time role. You are missing out on things you can’t het back, school holidays etc. You need flexible working hours.

I wouldn’t give it up, you never know what the future holds and you enjoy it but don’t needlessly sacrifice time with your children. I would imagine your DH time at work will increase, so you will need your energy too.

My husband earns 5x your husband's earnings OP but I still work (earning £50k pa) because I want to feel that if anything happened to his job (or if we split up/ he left me) I could stand on my own two feet.

Why do smug threads like this have to exist?

@ginpin2 I can’t believe it either...My partner and I earn 36k between us! But we’ve never felt like we’ve struggled even with 2 kids 2 cars a mortgage etc.

I am very much a 'lean in' kind of girl (earn circa £150k) but at the same time I don't want to work myself to death. Money wont buy anything when you are ill..

We have two primary school aged kids. For reasons I wont go into my husband has an income (50% of mine) without working. However in our case a house husband is not a house wife. He does all the cooking, food, maintenance and car stuff but I am still in charge of school, childcare, calendar, holiday booking etc.

What I do is to maximise working from home (which I have done for the last 9 months). I am self employed. You could also ask to work part-time. What do you have to lose? How about 5 shorter days to reduce the childcare hassle?

There are lots of 'lean out' types living around me. Another mother at my school works 2 days a month - I nearly choked. And another works 13 hours a week (1 child at school and 1 at nursery 4 days a week)...

Don't give up working! Just don't.....

The algorithm to know how much your husband should earn is
100k - (10k * penis length)

2" - needs to earn 80k
6" - needs to earn 40k
10"+ don't have to work

I could be married to bill gates and I’d still be doing my job.

my advice dont give up . i was ambitious and even earnt more than my ex for a while but had the same thoughts as you and when he earnt enough, i stayed home with our children. we were both big earners. Roll on twenty years and i was a client of a domestic abuse charity for his financial abuse of me, ( as well as cooercive control)He used to tell me i had no say in how the house was run as I did not contribute finacially. Im aware he is a 'special' case but i would always counsel in this day and age to keep some sort of your own personal income and a career that you can go back to if everything goes wrong. I could not return to my previous career and am now retraining.

Money wont buy anything when you are ill.

What? Being ill is INCREDIBLY expensive.

Don't give up your job entirely, perhaps do a bit more from home. Hedge your bets by updating skill levels. Stash away as much as possible into a pension scheme.
You just never know what's around the corner. The financial crash hit us particularly badly and I wish we'd been more conservative in our planning. Your granny was very wise....

How about offering your excellent skills to the voluntary sector ..lots of people can’t afford good legal advice ..if you don’t need the money then you can work a few days a week and be with your children more and still feel like you are contributing ...plus keeping your self in the game ...

@nonwonderwoman it very much depends on what enriches your life? Do you love what you do? Or do you resent time away from your kids? Would being a SAHM be a role you’d enjoy or would you feel that your working role is an important part of what makes you, you? Other than paying the bills and sustaining the lifestyle you want, your actual salary means nothing - it’s self actualisation that’s important. Work out your needs and you are in the lucky position from the sounds of it to choose what makes you happy.

My brother earns over £1m a year and his wife still works, I was amazed but she loves her job and earns almost as much plus enjoys being financially independent. wish I earned a quarter of that!!

Bloody hell. First world problems.

Do whatever makes you content and fulfilled. It’s wise to consider the future, but not to the detriment of the present.

Why do smug threads like this have to exist?

Exactly

have always been ambitious but my DH has outstripped my earnings by at least double check in the last 5 years.

Why should this matter if your happy in life, its not a competition. Your ambitious, doing OK and considering a simpler life. You can't have everything decide what would make you happy and stop trying to beat your husband. Beating him won't make you a better feminist, there's more to being a feminist than beating men, in fact I don't think that's really the point of it.