AIBU to think the sunflower lanyards aren't to be used as an excuse to be a lazy parent

[Namechange2715]

At a science museum today with my 2 LOs. It was manic (obviously) as half term. Lots of boisterous children (mine no exception) so I was watching them closely in a building area with large lego blocks (think the giant ones). Little boy about 4 running around causing carnage, wallopping kids with blocks, destroying all the kids building and at one point beating up a very patient older boy by pulling his t-shirt etc.
I kept watch to make sure my kids weren't trying to join in with the mayhem and also wondering where the kids parents were but no one seemed to be looking out at all. About 15 minutes into the chaos Mum called LO over and threw a sunflower lanyard around his neck before merrily sending him off to play again and she resumed her seat away from play area to continue chatting to her mates, oblivious to the whole thing.
I'm pretty fuming really that these lanyards seem to just be thrown round kids necks as if to say "oh yes my little darling has additional needs so excuse them just beating the crap out of everyone". Surely this isn't the point of them! I recognise they are there for a very important message that the child may have hidden disabilities and needs and to try and be more accommodating but surely if you are aware your kid is going to be like this in certain situations you'd keep more of a close watch over things.
Believe me I am no angel parent or helicopter Mum. My kids can be little shits as much as the next kid, hence why I keep watch in places I know it might kick off. But this Mum today just seemed to make a mockery of the whole sunflower lanyard system?!

YANBU. I have a daughter with autism and we have used a sunflower lanyard in the past, but it's not an excuse to just let her (or any other kid) run amuck and hurt or frighten other children.

Completely agree with you.

YABU to describe children as being little shits.

Yes completely agree. Surely that’s a reason to be watching them more - not an excuse to let them run riot

I thought these were mostly for travel like train stations and airports ?
Would’ve thought it would be a bit dangerous to send a kid off in a play area with something round his neck ..

You have no idea about why he may need one, or the circumstances.
YABU and judgy.

I'm pretty fuming really that these lanyards seem to just be thrown round kids necks as if to say "oh yes my little darling has additional needs so excuse them just beating the crap out of everyone"

So this happened once and yet you’re making a generalisation?

I have a sunflower lanyard for my son it helps him be identified as needing support in places like airports or noisy shopping centres where he might struggle. It’s certainly not to give him carte blanche to act like an arsehole

@wotcha what circumstances is it ever OK to go around throwing large bricks at numerous other children, pull over a large boy by his t-shirt and jump on other kids?! He could have got seriously hurt, another kid could have got seriously hurt and he was obviously ruining a lot of children just trying to play. Additional needs or not when is that behaviour acceptable? Wasn't judging the kid whatsoever. Not his fault he didn't understand that's not how you play. But yes completely judging the Mum as when is it actually acceptable to knowingly let your child do that to other kids? What so she could have a break and 30 minutes peace to chat to her mates? We'd all like that but when you're in that kind of place when it's heaving you need to be keeping an eye on situations

Aren't they just for shopping anyway?

You have no idea about why he may need one, or the circumstances.

It's completely irrelevant why he may need one. Additional needs do not absolve the parent of the need to parent the child. In this situation, I would expect the parent to supervise the child as they played to ensure they didn't hurt other children or destroy what they were playing with.

@PointlessAddict if they start being used in this way though won't it make a mockery of the whole system though? They are a wonderful idea in theory but as they become more mainstream will more people do what the Mum did today?
It's not the first instance I've heard of them being misused. I know someone who obtained them for a flight for her LO as "he doesn't like waiting in queues so it gets us fast tracked"

Look it’s just the way it is
People are different
Some smoke and take drugs in pregnancy
Some neglect kids
Some dont use car seats
I do agree some just can’t be arsed to properly supervise and think their child is just expressing themselves
I’ve got an acquaintance who is like this and some of their other habits actually make me want to vomit . But it’s just the way it is people can be weirdos .
I’d not hesitate to intervene though and let them know if they are hurting your own children

I agree with you op. My daughter has autism. She is sometimes slightly unpredictable. I watch her constantly when we are out. Tbh it’s exhausting but I can’t really trust her and would hate for her to hurt another child or cause problems.

There is definitely the potential for abuse @Namechange2715 given in places like Sainsbury’s you can just take them off a bowl on the counter, you don’t need to demonstrate any “need” for them as such. But on the other hand I suppose a lot of kids don’t have any diagnosis but might still genuinely need support.

Never heard of this sunflower lanyard idea, but YANBU I can’t stand it when parents let their dc bash other children without sorting them out.

Well I’ve never heard of these lanyards before so I’m glad I read this thread. Not sure I’d notice someone wearing one!

Yanbu. My ds has autism and also has a lanyard from when we use to fly. I'd use it now in situations if needed because it's recognised in public.
But I'd use it for his sake so people were aware if he's struggling in crowds. He wouldn't be allowed to use it as a free pass to be a little whatname!

My ds has one, it is a silent explanation that we are trying our best, I don’t know any parent of sen children able to land the helicopter like that, I certainly can’t

Are they all the same or do you need to get a Sainsbury’s one for Sainsbury’s and a Tesco one for Tesco etc etc

@PointlessAddict it's actually quite sad as when I first saw them advertised I thought what a great idea, for all those people feeling like they're being judged in situations when things might kick off etc. Genuinely great idea, as well as all the other things being put in place at supermarkets etc and quiet times at soft play. But today just made me sad because its obviously already being abused by some people to use as an excuse. And yes as a PP said the world is full of parents making decisions that we wouldn't all necessarily make ourselves and to be honest I was pretty tempted to speak up at one point and would have done if my children had been directly involved. A poor older lady (with oxygen tubing and such like) did try and tell them off and say to stop and the kid just chucked a brick at her head so she scuttled away!

The sunflower lanyards aren't for just chucking on a child and sitting back. They were made for anyone with an additional need, child or adult, to wear in environments they might struggle in and draw staff attention for them to offer help if needed.

They're not for children to wear willy nilly and it's possible the parent doesn't understand the significance of them. Or it could be she's just one of those parents who uses their child's SN as an excuse for their lazy parenting. You'll never know.

When I put them on my two children with special needs, I hope that other educated parents would recognise that my children have invisible disabilities. I'd never let either child run off and cause chaos. They aren't get out of jail free cards, they are a sign that a person may need extra help. Not great from the parent. It's a shame

YANBU. My son has multiple disabilities and I’d never let him behave like that. Hate parents like this, just don’t have kids if you can’t be arsed to parent.

Why didn’t you complain to the staff?

I’ve never heard of a sunflower lanyard, but I would presume they are not a get out of parenting pass and that the majority of parents use them as they are supposed to be used. (Trots off to google sunflower lanyard)