AIBU to think the sunflower lanyards aren't to be used as an excuse to be a lazy parent

[Namechange2715]

At a science museum today with my 2 LOs. It was manic (obviously) as half term. Lots of boisterous children (mine no exception) so I was watching them closely in a building area with large lego blocks (think the giant ones). Little boy about 4 running around causing carnage, wallopping kids with blocks, destroying all the kids building and at one point beating up a very patient older boy by pulling his t-shirt etc.
I kept watch to make sure my kids weren't trying to join in with the mayhem and also wondering where the kids parents were but no one seemed to be looking out at all. About 15 minutes into the chaos Mum called LO over and threw a sunflower lanyard around his neck before merrily sending him off to play again and she resumed her seat away from play area to continue chatting to her mates, oblivious to the whole thing.
I'm pretty fuming really that these lanyards seem to just be thrown round kids necks as if to say "oh yes my little darling has additional needs so excuse them just beating the crap out of everyone". Surely this isn't the point of them! I recognise they are there for a very important message that the child may have hidden disabilities and needs and to try and be more accommodating but surely if you are aware your kid is going to be like this in certain situations you'd keep more of a close watch over things.
Believe me I am no angel parent or helicopter Mum. My kids can be little shits as much as the next kid, hence why I keep watch in places I know it might kick off. But this Mum today just seemed to make a mockery of the whole sunflower lanyard system?!

I fail to see the lanyard connection here as such.

What you experienced was one parent of one child with a lanyard.

Said parent was completely lazy/ineffective at parenting, just as many parents are in soft play/children's play areas etc.

I don't think it has anything to do with the sunflower lanyard. Look at MN any day of the week and you'll see complaints about lazy/ineffective parenting.

Last thing my son needs is something round his neck, doubt I’d get him to wear anything anyway. But he kicks off if he’s overwhelmed but I know his cues so try to leave before things get too much for him and he doesn’t touch or hurt other children. He’s only 8 so doesn’t need one imo if other parents judge or whoever then so be it I’m too busy with my child to worry what others think of me/my kid/my parenting tbh although he’s not being ‘ a little shit’ - that’s usually my 9 year old he’s just overwhelmed and in sensory overload and doesn’t know how to deal with it. we avoid many places because of that and I lanyard won’t change it. Perhaps in an airport/railway station etc it’s helpful but I’m not in any rush for one.

YABU to refer to the child as a little shit, depending on exactly what his additional needs are he may not have the necessary skills to act appropriately in the environment you've described. He's not at fault here. The adult(s) in charge of supervising and supporting him are the ones at fault.

It's alright until some child with a short fuse gets mad about his or her creation getting destroyed and lamps the child wearing the sunflower lanyard.

I’ve only seen them in Sainsbury’s and I thought the sign said something like “use these to show you might need additional help”. I thought they were for people with mobility issues!

I know someone who obtained them for a flight for her LO as "he doesn't like waiting in queues so it gets us fast tracked"
But that’s exactly what they are for!

@kaykay, very useful in the airports, specially in security, it allows you to use the fast channels, I didn’t know that, security told me last time we went, I usually pay for fast track, the queue is really not doable

I've heard of them. They would have been brilliant when my Son was young. I wouldn't have left him unattended though.
He's nearly 18 now, and I probably would use one, purely to show there's a reason he's so noisy.
I've just seen them for sale on Ebay , so anyone could get one, which defeats the object.

I don’t really see the point in them... I have a daughter with autism but what’s the point if any old so and so can get one? So I’ve never bothered with them.

Not really, a lot of people don't like queuing.

My son has a sunflower lanyard. I do not allow him to behave badly or hurt other people and he only wears it occasionally For us it stops people tutting at him when they see a 6ft tall young man wearing his headphones because it’s how he handles noisy situations, it also makes catering staff more understanding when I specify that his sandwich must be PLAIN ham, no butter, no salad, no garnish (he loves crisps and will eat salad but he CANNOT understand why those things would be on the plate when he asked for a sandwich) 🙄

I don’t like waiting in queues at the airport @MyDcAreMarvel but I wouldn’t claim it as a disability!!

I mean, people should only use them if they need them. Not because they just don't like queuing!

The world is full of arseholes idiots. The law of averages says that there must be some parents of additional needs kids who are idiots. Sounds like you found one.

I also hadn't heard of them before (am overseas though). Going to read more about it now, glad I clicked on this thread.

Lots of children with autism don't deal well with queuing, as in they cannot do it, which is why the lanyard gets you fast-tracked.

Was it at 'We the Curious' OP?

You have no idea about why he may need one, or the circumstances.
YABU and judgy

I would have judged her too. Not the child, the parent. If you know your child is unpredictable and likely to be the way described in the OP, then clearly you need to supervise them properly (same as any child really!)

@MyDcAreMarvel yes that's what they're for...if the child has a special need meaning they get distressed waiting in queues. Not just because your child without needs hasn't learnt to be patient

@mydcaremarvel but her child doesn't have additional needs! My kids don't like waiting in queues (who does!) but I'd never dream of using a lanyard to skip it. If that's the case let's all just have a lanyard and then we'll be all queuing to skip the queue!

And to clarify I wasn't calling the said child a little shit I was calling my own children that. Which I am well aware is not very MNity but was just using it as a tongue in cheek reference that I am well aware no child is an angel 100% of the time and that these places can bring out the not so angelic side to all children (hunger games soft play) but I am angry over the use of a lanyard seemingly to excuse behaviour with no regard to anyone else's children

I thought that about getting fast tracked MyDcAreMarvel.

My DS has complex needs and sadly would not be persuaded to wear a lanyard. We do however get free fast track passes at theme parks because of the queuing issue. We've received some looks for that but my prepared answer is to point out that we could wait in the queue I suppose...you could wait next to us if you like...

I’ve heard that parents are buying these lanyards in order to get to the front of queues at theme parks! I despair , as it demeans the meaning of these lanyards.

You don't need to buy them, Sainsburys give them out for free.

And I'd wager that the numbers of people using them for nefarious purposes is vanishing small when compared to the numbers of people using them who have a need to.

@TiddlestheCat please say you aren't said parent or were you caught by a flying brick?!

but I am angry over the use of a lanyard seemingly to excuse behaviour with no regard to anyone else's children

But was it that?

Or was it that a lazy/ineffective parent suddenly remembered she'd forgot to put it on him?

The parent's behaviour and the child's was exactly the same before and after she put the lanyard on him.

The lanyards alone will not get you a queue jump pass at theme parks. You have to provide evidence from your GP/paediatrician starting that your child cannot queue due to their disability.