AIBU to think the sunflower lanyards aren't to be used as an excuse to be a lazy parent

[Namechange2715]

At a science museum today with my 2 LOs. It was manic (obviously) as half term. Lots of boisterous children (mine no exception) so I was watching them closely in a building area with large lego blocks (think the giant ones). Little boy about 4 running around causing carnage, wallopping kids with blocks, destroying all the kids building and at one point beating up a very patient older boy by pulling his t-shirt etc.
I kept watch to make sure my kids weren't trying to join in with the mayhem and also wondering where the kids parents were but no one seemed to be looking out at all. About 15 minutes into the chaos Mum called LO over and threw a sunflower lanyard around his neck before merrily sending him off to play again and she resumed her seat away from play area to continue chatting to her mates, oblivious to the whole thing.
I'm pretty fuming really that these lanyards seem to just be thrown round kids necks as if to say "oh yes my little darling has additional needs so excuse them just beating the crap out of everyone". Surely this isn't the point of them! I recognise they are there for a very important message that the child may have hidden disabilities and needs and to try and be more accommodating but surely if you are aware your kid is going to be like this in certain situations you'd keep more of a close watch over things.
Believe me I am no angel parent or helicopter Mum. My kids can be little shits as much as the next kid, hence why I keep watch in places I know it might kick off. But this Mum today just seemed to make a mockery of the whole sunflower lanyard system?!

So i am a bit surprised that people find they can pretend to have autism and get all these 'perks'.

Me too. I have two children with additional needs and have to provide many types of proof to access all these "perks" that often aren't that great anyway!

I don't believe it happens tbh.

YANBU OP. The mum will get a shock when another kid lamps her kid for being a little shit, sunflower lanyard or not.

And to clarify I wasn't calling the said child a little shit I was calling my own children that.

It is still unreasonable and there is nothing tongue in cheek about it, it's unacceptable.

Bit shocked companies are just handing sunflower lanyards. I had to show my DC diagnosis letter to get one at the airport. I usually end up wearing it as they can cope with it around their necks but iv only ever used them at airport as security with 3 asd/adhd kids is not a happy place for them or anyone near them

Me too. I have two children with additional needs and have to provide many types of proof to access all these "perks" that often aren't that great anyway! I don't believe it happens tbh

Me either but it suits the narrative some people have that there are loads of families lying about autism in order to get access to all the perks that go with it.

The mother in question is an arsehole for not supervising her child properly, end of.

And if the stories on here are true, then it really sucks for children who genuinely need them for SN issues, as they will not be taken seriously due to their abuse.

It sounds quite dangerous putting a lanyard around a young child neck while they're running around.

@marashino ODFOD 🙄 unacceptable TO YOU. Nobody’s calling kids little shits to their face. Sometimes kids are little shits. Mine included. Yours included. If parents can’t let off steam on a parenting forum the worlds gone fucking mad.

We have the Sunflower Lanyards at our local Library to indicate to the staff and Volunteers that someone has specific difficulties and needs more time spent with them. They are not for Parents to use to excuse the brattish behaviour of their Children besides stocks of these are at a premium and are handed back in when the person has finished using them.

@drinkygin brilliant response just what I was thinking!

Maraschino. Your Children or Grandchildren are perfect then are they?

Disney in the US do not require any evidence at all of disability to access a pass, you just present yourself at a desk. There are legal restrictions in America on asking for proof.

Ds is 15, autistic and only recently diagnosed. He is able to queue though (most of the time) so we have never got a pass for him when we have visited Disney. If he's not coping well we would just leave the park.

I think he would probably go into complete panic if I put a sunflower lanyard around his neck. He's so aware of his differences but would not like the lanyard, although getting through security etc quickly would be really helpful as it's always a struggle. Air travel is very stressful with him but most of the time others would probably not notice his severe anxiety.

The perks in parks aren't that great, we go often to Legoland and Chessington, we still have to wait the same time as the queue takes, but my ds doesn't have to stand still in it, so he won't be overwhelmed after 2 hours and we won't have to leave so early, that is all you get, invaluable for us, but not great generally

I would be very wary of marking my DS out with a lanyard that could say, ‘I’m vulnerable, take advantage of me’ to unsavoury types.

@millicent I won't be far and a bit feisty

I worked at an outstanding special needs school. The expected standards for behaviour were high but so were the precautions to try and pre-empt and minimise anti-social behaviour so it didn’t happen. The philiosophy being that children with different needs have to function in a social world. Unfortunately outside of such fantastic provision, when back in main stream education, I have met so many parents of children who may have sen (but no where as challenging as the children I worked with) who use the line - they cannot help it they have sen. It makes me so angry as it’s such a passive attitude that does their children no good in the long run.

We were recently in a packed airport queue and the woman in front was fumbling around in her hand luggage. Husband asks what she was doing, and she pulls out two lanyards and puts them on the children. He asks "what's them" and she proceeds to tell him to ssshhh, and that it'll mean they get fast-tracked through security and better seats on the plane . So I do believe they can easily be abused! Such a shame when they're supposed to help genuine people.

They don't get you better seats on the plane. You do get to skip the queue at security and then you get the option of boarding the plane first or boarding last, depending on which would suit you better.

@Hoik I don't know what the outcome was as we went to different desks. My point being the dad was obviously oblivious to what they were, so clearly they hadn't been used elsewhere before. As it turned out, we got fast tracked through security. No idea why a guy just pulled those with kids through the ropes. So no special lanyard needed if that's the only benefit of wearing them in the airport (Manchester airport)

I agree that if the sunflower lanyards are too easily obtainable then they are open to misuse. I've got one that I picked up from Gatwick Airport. I'd taken a copy of my diagnosis letter with me because I'd thought that I'd have to prove that I was entitled to one but didn't have to show it. At the time, I thought that the lady on the counter was just being nice because I was getting a bit stressed at the thought of asking for one and I wasn't able to mask like I usually do. If supermarkets are starting to have bowls with the lanyards for people to help themselves then that seems to be going too far.

@MillicentMartha, like everything, it’s horses for courses and not a one-size-fits-all approach in the world of disabilities. My preteen is registered blind and has swapped her regulation Y7 burgundy lanyard for a sunflower lanyard in the hope that the message will slowly filter through to the other 1,199 students at her Grammar school that she is slow and unsteady on her feet (and thus liable to get in the way of the impatient in the stampede for the lunch and bus queues) because she can’t see - and not because she is an awkward ignoramus!

My DD finds the sunflower lanyard scheme liberating and empowering and champions it wherever she can. My daughter has about 10 per cent functioning sight but no white stick or Guide dog or other outward symbol that she is blind.

For her, it is a sign to the initiated that she requires a little more consideration and courtesy as she goes about her (as independent as possible) daily life - and she is more than happy to explain to the initiated the rationale and reason for the scheme (including the fecking annoying school administrator in charge of reprographics who complains every.single.time she passes DD in the corridor that she can’t tell from the lack of regulation colour-coded lanyard which school year DD is in.

These Lanyards are designed to help people who struggle with issues like severe Depression, Dementia, sensory issues and anything that a certain environment is difficult for them. I am severely noise and space intolerant and my Library is a tough place to be. With the Lanyard I am telling the staff that I need space around me and not to overwhelm me please. It gives me and others who use the Lanyards reassurance and confidence to be independent and not feel it's a place they can't be in.

I agree. What doesn't help is that just anyone can easily obtain them for free.

This is something that really annoys me. I completely understand the struggles of families living with a child who has additional needs and the reason behind the sunflower lanyard but so many parents simply can’t or won’t discipline their child simply because they have additional needs. They seem to hide behind the “label” Not only do parents turn a blind eye but also teachers who are too frightened of the repercussions of discipline all children the same way regardless of their needs. We are supposed to be living in a world of equal rights etc but we seem to tiptoe round about people with additional needs. My son is waiting to be formally diagnosed with autism and he is 12, when he found out he was being tested he cried and asked us to please still give him into trouble if he does something wrong if we find out he does have autism. He said he didn’t want us to start ignoring his behaviour and letting him away with things like the teachers in his school did to his peers with ASN! Ok maybe you’re child might need disciplined in a different way to a child without ASN which is fine but they still need rules and to learn that in life there are always rules and consequences to not following them. I’ve got 3 children and I need to discipline each of them differently because they each respond to different things, what would be a “punishment” for one wouldn’t be for another, it’s about knowing your child and what works for them so they learn that they can’t go around hitting other people x

@rose, for me the best benefit in the airport is that if we are not coping well, staff will come to us with an open mind to help, rather than control your fucking child, he is old enough to know to behave...