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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the sunflower lanyards aren't to be used as an excuse to be a lazy parent

190 replies

Namechange2715 · 19/02/2020 21:00

At a science museum today with my 2 LOs. It was manic (obviously) as half term. Lots of boisterous children (mine no exception) so I was watching them closely in a building area with large lego blocks (think the giant ones). Little boy about 4 running around causing carnage, wallopping kids with blocks, destroying all the kids building and at one point beating up a very patient older boy by pulling his t-shirt etc.
I kept watch to make sure my kids weren't trying to join in with the mayhem and also wondering where the kids parents were but no one seemed to be looking out at all. About 15 minutes into the chaos Mum called LO over and threw a sunflower lanyard around his neck before merrily sending him off to play again and she resumed her seat away from play area to continue chatting to her mates, oblivious to the whole thing.
I'm pretty fuming really that these lanyards seem to just be thrown round kids necks as if to say "oh yes my little darling has additional needs so excuse them just beating the crap out of everyone". Surely this isn't the point of them! I recognise they are there for a very important message that the child may have hidden disabilities and needs and to try and be more accommodating but surely if you are aware your kid is going to be like this in certain situations you'd keep more of a close watch over things.
Believe me I am no angel parent or helicopter Mum. My kids can be little shits as much as the next kid, hence why I keep watch in places I know it might kick off. But this Mum today just seemed to make a mockery of the whole sunflower lanyard system?!

OP posts:
ALemonyPea · 19/02/2020 21:51

*stating

Hoik · 19/02/2020 21:51

And most of the theme parks and attractions we've been to require documentary proof of additional needs in order to queue jump such as a Max Card, DWP letter, or clinicians letter.

TabbyMumz · 19/02/2020 21:53

The lanyard are not just for children, adults can wear them too, to indicate might need help. They are not just for children with autism, it's to show a hidden disability. I do think it's a lovely scheme, but fear we will get to the point where too many people have them.

weebarra · 19/02/2020 21:53

Tbf, I'd have judged too. I had the most wonderful experience in Newcastle airport last summer. Three kids, two with lanyards.
The smoothest and most considerate airport experience we've ever had. When you have a 12 year old with adhd, and a younger one with asd, travelling can be tough. Everyone in that airport had clearly been trained as to what the lanyard meant.
If people who don't need it use it, that's really crap!

PointlessAddict · 19/02/2020 21:53

I know someone who obtained them for a flight for her LO as "he doesn't like waiting in queues so it gets us fast tracked"
But that’s exactly what they are for!

There’s a difference between someone without special needs just not liking queuing and someone with special needs who either can’t or who would struggle to queue

Streamingbannersofdawn · 19/02/2020 21:53

We actually need to present a diagnosis letter from a relevant professional that specifically states DS becomes distressed in queues (and I mean distressed not impatient or badly behaved) to get a fast track pass at theme parks. It's not that nice an experience, explaining to the people at the desk but DS loves rides and without this bit of inclusive practice we couldn't go.

A lanyard wouldn't get you anywhere...

Franklydear · 19/02/2020 21:54

@1morewine, the lanyard won’t get anywhere in the park, you need the letter of diagnosis, dla and a letter of the gp explaining your circumstances, then you can apply, it takes a few weeks, then you can go and get a single pass every visit.... it works and. Is worth it for us, but if you can queue, it’s just easier

Evilspiritgin · 19/02/2020 21:55

I know people who pretend their children have autism so they can bypass lines in places like Disney, in-fact they encourage people to do this, trouble is if anyone said anything to them they just start shouting that you were being disablist

The only people who suffer are the people who actually do need these lanyards and passes in the first place

Original poster
Namechange2715 · 19/02/2020 21:56

@WorraLiberty True! She did seem pretty oblivious before and after. I just find it frustrating. More so for other parents of children with AN. Who, by the sound of this thread are not misusing the lanyard and are trying their damn hardest, but a few parents misusing it will give it a negative connotation.

OP posts:
Hoik · 19/02/2020 21:57

I forgot DS letter when we went to Flamingo Land and we couldn't get passes, my mum was house sitting for us and I had to ring her to ask her to text me a photograph of the letter. The member of staff then had to check with a manager to see if a photograph was okay which, after proving it really was DS letter by showing them his travel card with matching name, they allowed "only this once".

recordbox · 19/02/2020 21:58

fail to see the lanyard connection here as such.

This. Your post talks of at least 15 minutes where the mother allowed the behaviour without the lanyard in place, so I suspect she was just making no effort to supervise her child, lanyard or not.

Evilspiritgin · 19/02/2020 21:59

You can get a sunflower lanyard on eBay for £2.49.

TAKESNOSHITSHIRLEY · 19/02/2020 21:59

as a parent to 2 disabled boys,15 and 9 who are and have been big since birth(6ft2 and 5ft 3 now)who has complex disabilities each i agree 100% i have always hovered and interfered, still do it now even though oldest is nearly 16

there are supposed to be a sign for a adult or staff to spot if that person is in distress not a sign to say oh my kids has(soso)so this meant they can run riot so such it up love

i would have pulled her up about it to be honest and told her straight all of the above and to make sure shes bloody supervising as hes causing other kids distress

recordbox · 19/02/2020 22:00

You can get them free in Tesco, Sainsbury's, from LNER, airports etc.

Don't every buy one form the scum trying to make money on them. Disgusting people.

Hoik · 19/02/2020 22:00

I know people who pretend their children have autism so they can bypass lines in places like Disney

Disney policy is that you can only get a pass on presentation of a valid medical card or doctors letter.

TabbyMumz · 19/02/2020 22:01

"You can get a sunflower lanyard on eBay for £2.49."

Why would you pay for them, when they are free?

TeetotalKoala · 19/02/2020 22:01

My first thought was We The Curious too. We almost went today (we have membership) but then I realised that it was half term and raining so it would be bedlam! Sounds like I was right. That section is always nuts!

I have a sunflower lanyard that I wear for work as I work with SEN students, and we regularly go into the community. Helps that the staff in Asda then understand that we're dealing with it when a student drops to the floor and refuses to move.

The parent sounds like she was taking the piss and couldn't be arsed to parent. YANBU to think that at all. SEN is not an excuse to hurt other people.

bloated1977 · 19/02/2020 22:03

I work in a school and loads of kids wear them.. When I asked one child why were they wearing one and they said their mum said they have to wear it so we'll give them more help.

soouting · 19/02/2020 22:05

We use a sunflower lanyard all the time when out as ds has his chew stick on it. I think they help a little but mainly to stop judging looks.
Still need to parent

YgritteSnow · 19/02/2020 22:05

I'm pretty fuming really that these lanyards seem to just be thrown round kids necks as if to say "oh yes my little darling has additional needs so excuse them just beating the crap out of everyone".

You saw one incident where this supposedly happened yet are now generalising that it's a regular occurrence and that parents regularly use the lanyards as some kind of get out of jail free card. YABU for that alone.

soouting · 19/02/2020 22:05

Oh and my ds has severe autism, non verbal etc

TabbyMumz · 19/02/2020 22:06

I'm not sure kids should be wearing them unattended, then are a choke hazard, they dont snap open at the back or anything like safe ones do. If someone pulls from the front it can pull your head and neck down.

Nitpickpicnic · 19/02/2020 22:07

Sigh. I look forward to a day when you can call little shits, little shits on MN, when they are clearly behaving like little shits.

Are we so precious that we can’t see that typing it on a parent support forum is a bit different to screaming it into the actual faces of the kids?

Otherwise, very interesting responses. Sunflower lanyards haven’t made it to my bit of the world yet (unless I’ve missed something). Sounds like a useful strategy when used as intended. Ripe for misuse, clearly. Sad for the families who count on them.

I can’t stop thinking of other flower lanyards that I’d introduce if I ruled the world...

Grasspigeons · 19/02/2020 22:08

Most big name places we have visited need proof of recieving higher rate DLA to get discounts/fast tracking. Some places accept the Max Card and/or a lower rate of DLA and others do nothing. So i am a bit surprised that people find they can pretend to have autism and get all these 'perks'.
I have heard about the lanyards and hope they dont get misused as for those that need them, they are a great idea. I could see ys using one somewhere crowded where we might need to exit very quickly.
And, as others say there are plenty of children with poor parents, or parents having an off day who dont have disabilities or lanyards.

Wolveretta · 19/02/2020 22:08

I have a ds with autism, and can totally see your point. We have used the lanyard successfully at manchester airport, it was great, unfortunately things like this tend to be abused.
I joined a special needs group many years ago as I was struggling and one of the things I remember another parent telling me that always stuck in my head was yes they may have autism but they are still very capable of being little shits too Grin
I have always corrected my ds's behaviour and have never used his autism as an excuse to let him get away with stuff.
I have been to several special needs groups over the years and its always the same, kids running riot and parents just ignoring them blaming their special needs, I actually stopped going because my ds kept getting hit, me too, but what used to annoy me the most wasn't the hitting but the total lack of disipline, it was like a get out of jail free card for them. The parents just weren't bothered.

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