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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband said no-....his so frustrating!!

247 replies

Lotuscup563 · 19/02/2020 18:32

I’ve name changed for this but been on mumsnet for years.

Just to be clear, we don’t separate our money-it’s joint.

Today we went looking around the shops for something to do, me and my DH who I have been a with for 15 years popped into one well known home shop and I spotted a ornament I liked for under £50.

I don’t particularly remember asking permission....but he said it was tat, a waste of money and started moaning so I didn’t get it.

However the more I think about it the more pissed off im getting!!

I’m the main earner in the household....I earn more than him....and.....I do it whilst also being the full time stay at home parent to 2 kids!!!! (So I feel his taking the double piss)

let’s not forget the fact that I’ve saved him (us) thousands of pounds doing all the childcare for 10 years. I didn’t even wanted to work, I wanted to be a real stay at home mum who just does the childcare, housework, potters about, but I couldn’t, because he has no aspirations what so ever so I had to work too on the side so we wasn’t just living hand to mouth and just covering bills.

Now I work we have money for holidays, eating out, buying things. (I admit I’m very lucky the business took off and I’m earning well unexpectedly) but still, this isn’t the first time, when our first child was born and I stayed at home, I made cookies and things and sold them to earn a little bit of money,as his wage back then only just covered the bills too, so I’ve always had that pressure to earn because he is just happy to plod along at a very basic rate.

And he moans at me for wanting a stupid ornament, when I go above and beyond in this relationship.....I am fuming....I will be ordering the item online because I bloody deserve it- bearing in mind I never bloody spend any money on myself....ever! And he moans. This is the guy that orders takeaway every week for himsef at £10 a pop when there is loads of food in the cupboard.....guess why there is extra money in the pot for him to do this?

Aibu to be really annoyed about this, to the point I started a row in the shop in public?

(I hate rowing in public, so so much but I just blew, and I’m now rather embarrassed about shouting in public) but I wasn’t wrong was I?

OP posts:
Ttcbabybennett · 20/02/2020 00:12

It sounds to me like you went into a shop together to browse, part of browsing together is sharing opinions on items you see and discussing them... it doesn’t sound like he said no as in you’re not allowed the item, he said he didn’t like it which he’s entitled to think especially if it’s going into a home you share. If you didn’t like his input then I’d go shopping without him in future

Hont1986 · 20/02/2020 00:14

Agreed that there is a strange tone in OP's posts about how she is the higher earner and also the 'full time stay at home mum'.

His income was fine to support a SAHM and two kids for seven years before her business started three years ago!

And one of her two kids was born ten years ago... my guess is that she has school-age children, so the whole 'I run a business AND I'm a SAHM' seems rather misleading.

BananasBananas · 20/02/2020 00:19

naysaying (or should that be neigh-saying? Grin

Glad you've got them OP, they're nice! If they make you smile they're worth it!!

Original poster
Lotuscup563 · 20/02/2020 00:22

It’s not misleading because I have a child who doesn’t go to school yet, so he is at home all day with me, my other son is 10 so he does go to school, but still he half term breaks and the 6 weeks holiday that I still have to contend with.

OP posts:
Samtsirch · 20/02/2020 00:27

Mmmmmm......
Déjà vu........
Recognise you

BigChocFrenzy · 20/02/2020 01:09

If this is a rare occasion you have bought something for yourself, YANBU to be angry at him trying to block it,
if he buys weekly takeaways and maybe other things for himself

As pp have said, having separate accounts for monthly spends could avoid future such arguments
.... and use your full spend for yourself, not on the kids or him, or you'll get resentful again !

Original poster
Lotuscup563 · 20/02/2020 07:29

I doubt it Sam.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 20/02/2020 07:33

So he said he didn’t like it and he thought it wasn’t worth the cost and your sulking about it?

WhentheDealGoesDown · 20/02/2020 07:40

DH doesn't like a lot of things I buy for the house but then I am not particularly keen that the garage is full of bikes and fishing kit and as for his fucking bookcases.... so I guess we break even. I'm sure your DH has stuff that you just tolerate OP so I would enjoy your ornaments and put them where you want

potter5 · 20/02/2020 08:20

My husband doesn't work (retired 5 years ago). I work full time and my salary covers all bills and food etc. Happy to do so as he has supported us all his working life.

He would never tell me how to spend money. I never begrudge him spending money on what he wants. As far as I am concerned my money is his money too. All bank accounts joint.

You need to have a chat with your husband and come to an understanding about your finances.

Oliversmumsarmy · 20/02/2020 08:37

Personally I hate all ornaments and think they should be banned so I am with your dh

I look at stuff in stores and whilst everyone else sees pretty ornaments I see the wasted time dusting the damn things

EverythingChanges321 · 20/02/2020 09:08

There are some sad people on this thread to begrudge you some simple horsey ornaments.

I potter about, have one child and enjoy my hobbies. My DH gets a bit huffy when I spend £’s on yet another sewing machine but that’s because I’ve got several and really need to sell at least 3.

I’m really impressed that you’ve made a good business from your crafty endeavours so I think your husband should be very proud of you and just let you buy what you want. You’re obviously not on the breadline.

Crack on doing what you love and buy what you want. If he says anything, just thank him for his opinion and then ignore it. That’s what I do. Grin

FizzyIce · 20/02/2020 10:02

@YesThatsATurdOnTheRug oh fuck off with that bs .
It’s not a man versus woman thing , it’s a tat versus need thing.
Doesn’t matter which way round it is .
They should both get a say on what goes in the house regardless of who makes the most money .. isn’t that what MN folk have been going on about for years ?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 20/02/2020 10:03

We would never buy anything like that without both agreeing it. Not because of the cost but because having stuff in your living space that you don't like impacts on you enjoyment of your home.

FizzyIce · 20/02/2020 10:04

@FuckYouBrexitVoters and what if he started to do the same ? When does it stop?
I wouldn’t buy something to spite my husband and he wouldn’t do it to me

sillysmiles · 20/02/2020 10:08

Yes you are allowed to spend money on yourself, but if he genuinely doesn't like the ornaments I wouldn't get them. Not because of not being allowed to to not, but because it's his home too.
But that only stands if you get to veto things that he wants to buy that you think are crap.

ddraigygoch · 20/02/2020 10:21

They're horrible. I wouldn't want them in my house either.

Oliversmumsarmy · 20/02/2020 12:23

They do look quite tacky.

If they were the real thing then as book ends you might get away with them but a repro is never great.

katkit · 20/02/2020 12:37

Horse ornaments now sold out at Next. Best marketing ever.

Nowayorhighway · 20/02/2020 12:37

My DH has form for buying truly horrible shit for the house and being gutted when I don’t like it and don’t want it in the living room... He once bought a Grandfather clock for example which just doesn’t fit with anything in our home at all, our home is quite ‘scandi’ and modern so an old fashioned Grandfather clock just looked ridiculous. He got rid of it because I didn’t like it, I don’t know if that makes me controlling or not really but I equally wouldn’t buy something if he hated it.

You both have to look at it all of the time, he is entitled to find something tacky and wasteful whether you’re the higher earner or not.

Oliversmumsarmy · 20/02/2020 12:58

This reminds me of my grandfather who bought at an auction the most hideous drinks cabinet.
It was maple quite Art Deco looking and had a etched pink mirror interior.

He paid £20

No one liked it.

After he died the inland revenue came round to value everything in the house so grandfathers assets could be assessed for death duties.
I think they valued it at £5.

My mother a little while later sold it in for £40.

Went NC with my family and moved to London
A couple of years later I was walking down The Kings Road and saw this exact same cabinet in the window.

I went in and explained about having had a similar one in my house.
At first I think this antique dealer thought I was a nutter and making it up till I described the pink mirrored glass interior

Apparently the cabinet was made by a certain designer and there were only 3 made ever.

It was priced (in the early 80s) at £3500.

ToeStubber · 20/02/2020 16:31

Glad you ordered them. Put a load of anti men books between them as an extra kick in the bollocks when your h views them.

So fucking petty and immature.

ddraigygoch · 20/02/2020 16:36

Glad you ordered them. Put a load of anti men books between them as an extra kick in the bollocks when your h views them.

Are there actually adults this pathetic? Seriously no wonder the divorce rate is so high.

ToeStubber · 20/02/2020 16:45

So he said he didn’t like it and he thought it wasn’t worth the cost and your sulking about it?

Basically. I think op just wants confirmation of how brilliant they are..

5foot5 · 20/02/2020 16:51

(I hate rowing in public, so so much but I just blew, and I’m now rather embarrassed about shouting in public) but I wasn’t wrong was I?

For shouting in public? Hell yeah!

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