Husband said no-....his so frustrating!!

[Lotuscup563]

I’ve name changed for this but been on mumsnet for years.

Just to be clear, we don’t separate our money-it’s joint.

Today we went looking around the shops for something to do, me and my DH who I have been a with for 15 years popped into one well known home shop and I spotted a ornament I liked for under £50.

I don’t particularly remember asking permission....but he said it was tat, a waste of money and started moaning so I didn’t get it.

However the more I think about it the more pissed off im getting!!

I’m the main earner in the household....I earn more than him....and.....I do it whilst also being the full time stay at home parent to 2 kids!!!! (So I feel his taking the double piss)

let’s not forget the fact that I’ve saved him (us) thousands of pounds doing all the childcare for 10 years. I didn’t even wanted to work, I wanted to be a real stay at home mum who just does the childcare, housework, potters about, but I couldn’t, because he has no aspirations what so ever so I had to work too on the side so we wasn’t just living hand to mouth and just covering bills.

Now I work we have money for holidays, eating out, buying things. (I admit I’m very lucky the business took off and I’m earning well unexpectedly) but still, this isn’t the first time, when our first child was born and I stayed at home, I made cookies and things and sold them to earn a little bit of money,as his wage back then only just covered the bills too, so I’ve always had that pressure to earn because he is just happy to plod along at a very basic rate.

And he moans at me for wanting a stupid ornament, when I go above and beyond in this relationship.....I am fuming....I will be ordering the item online because I bloody deserve it- bearing in mind I never bloody spend any money on myself....ever! And he moans. This is the guy that orders takeaway every week for himsef at £10 a pop when there is loads of food in the cupboard.....guess why there is extra money in the pot for him to do this?

Aibu to be really annoyed about this, to the point I started a row in the shop in public?

(I hate rowing in public, so so much but I just blew, and I’m now rather embarrassed about shouting in public) but I wasn’t wrong was I?

I really want to know what you do @Lotuscup563!

Shouting because your dh called those horses heads tat is the act of a 6 year old.
How toe curling it must have been for him to listen to you yelling “but they’re GORGEOUS horse heads! And they’re this season only, I’ll never find them again if I don’t grab them right NOW! How dare you tell me they’re tat, you’ve hurt my feelings...”
You must have created a right old floor show.

Another poster wondering whether there is a special occasion coming up ?

Then DP, now DH, did something similar to me, the first (and last) time we went to IKEA together. I spotted a large teddy bear and he dragged me past it saying something I don't even remember what.

I was consumed by rage.

Week or so later, the bear turned up as a present with flowers and champagne. I pretended to be pleased but would have preferred to just buy it when I saw it.

We don't often go shopping together.

I wanted to be a real stay at home mum who just does the childcare, housework, potters about

I’m afraid you lost me with this.

Yes @74NewStreet that’s exactly what happened

No special occasion coming up other than Mother’s Day.

@mantarays why?

I’m a stay at home parent and I work from home doing a full time business. I’m working day time when I can, evenings, sometimes early mornings and most weekends when DH is home.....nothing wrong with saying I’d rather just be a stay at home parent and not both.

Lotuscup563

It was the “potters about”, Lotus. You can say whatever you like, of course.

I may disagree with Op on the hideous horse heads but what the hell os wrong with potters about?! It's commonly used here.

ddraigygoch

I just don’t appreciate it as a summary of what SAHP do. I think the OP sounds like she does a lot, don’t get me wrong, but there’s a bit of attitude there as well. So it alienated me.

Ahhh, your the second or third person to say about the potters about- I’m thinking it means different things in different parts of the country, where I live it means - and to do things, like the washing up, walking the dog, having a shower, go for a walk etc. It seams to mean something negative to others though as it seems people are finding it insulting. Sorry about that, it wasn’t meant in a insulting way.

where I live it means - and to do things, like the washing up, walking the dog, having a shower, go for a walk

I think people are finding it insulting because it’s not what being a SAHP is like for most people.

But anyway, I’m sure you didn’t mean it to sound as it did.

But before that I said do childcare, do house work and potter about- not just a stay at home parent who just potters about. I think my post has been misread.

(What does potters about mean from the area where your from, if you don’t mind me asking?)

It means wandering about doing nothing very important.

I'm so intrigued to know what your business is - I want one of whatever it is you make!! please PM me! (no judgement here about the whole ornament thing, which by the way, I like too - fellow horsey person here! )

Oh!! Well, I can see why other people have been mentioning it then!! That’s come across terribly

Not for one second do I think that about parenting at all....it’s hard work-and then they grow up a little bit more then your in this whole new stage of parenting that you now have to figure out...it’s relentless!

I’m sorry to anyone who takes offence to that- it was absolutely never meant in that way and I honestly didint know there was different meanings to the word.

That’s okay. What does it mean where you’re from, then? Apologies that I didn’t consider that it might mean something else.

but I resent the fact he doesn’t realise how much I better us all, and can you imagine that was said by the higher earning male in the relationship??!

Hi vista,

To be honest it’s coming across as all cool and exciting....but it really isn’t, and what I make isn’t just for anyone to buy, it’s like for a occasion more than a person.

I don’t know how to PM but i also wouldn’t anyway, as I’m making the most of this time before others jump on the bandwagon and I have lots of competition, hope you understand.

Hehe no problem!!

I'm a little puzzled by how someone moaning and complaining about something you want to buy would cause you not to get it.

I've always just ignored that stuff and got whatever it was.

Can't say DH and I fussed about money that much. Unless it was a big purchase, we just bought whatever item within reason. No need to ask. We both like things the other doesn't like but it's ok if we buy things. Wouldn't say you can't buy that because I don't like it.