To be terrified by the Australian rugby coach setting his family on fire?

[SeasonallySnowyPeasant]

In brief: earlier today an Australian ex-rugby player was in the car with his wife and their three children, poured petrol over her and set her alight. She, he and the children all died. The parents were ending their marriage and disputing custody over the children.

It’s absolutely horrific and I just wonder why there seem to be no depths to which some men - and it almost always is men - will sink when it comes to asserting their dominance over women and children. Throwing acid over them seems to be the newest ‘thing’ over the past 3 years. Assault, rape, stalking, harassment, murder are so common as to be un-newsworthy.

It scares me. My exH was abusive and I have a non-molestation order to prevent him from continuing the abuse. At the back of my mind I worry about him taking something I do/say as pushing him too far and being seriously hurt or killed. What if he decides one day to kill our DC?

Why won’t men sort their lives out and put an end to this horrific violence?

the majority - i think by quite a massive margin - of victims of violent crime are men.
The majority of violent crime commited is by men
2 women a week are killed by their (usually male) partner or ex-partner

So yes - it is worth talking about. It's nothing to do with being offended* it's to do with protecting women. you want a conversation about men and how everyone apparently hates them - have at it.

I mean if we're going to talk about men we could talk about the highest killer of men between 18-35 - suicide. Let's definitely talk about that. Not here, though.

To paraphrase that Bruce Willis film: Handmaids. I see handmaids all around.

*that word needs to be banned.

Sorry cross posted with Brefugee.

if you end up being paranoid and seeing MEN as your enemy, you are the one who needs to educate yourself. Because, really, how does this attitude help you in real life? Do you think it's a healthy view of the world?

Yes wanting to talk about male violence means I see men as my enemy not talking about it and pretending women are just as violent is a much healthier way to approach life isn’t it?

Well, ShatnersWig, perhaps you and your fellow men could start to address matters by expressing outrage that yet another man has slaughtered his entire fucking family just because his ex had the audacity to leave him - without you giving in to the irresistible urge to NAMALT and SWALT all over the fucking place. Hmmm?

Think for a second how a white person should react when there's yet another racist hate crime and channel that energy.

Hint: white person wouldn't tell minorities:
"Well, what am Iiiiii supposed to do about it? Look, it's being reported in the news, what else do you want? Black people kill white people too, ya know ".

No, you wouldn't say that would you. Because other men would rightly call you a racist prat.

So stop being a sexist one.

What a horrific story, that poor family. I am blown away by the capacity of human nature to commit such violence. But yet it continues on and on.

I WANT A DISCUSSION ABOUT MALE VIOLENCE.

I agree. One that isn’t immediately shut down with NAMALT, and “oh in fact that person is transgender so it’s female violence” or anything else.

A few weeks ago a woman in Ireland killed her three children, then tried to kill herself but failed.

So, based on the theory that "all men are violent child killers, rapists and murderers". Lets have some reciprocal hysteria.

When are we going to do something about the murderous nature of women? That woman in Ireland is just the tip of the Iceberg, women have been getting away with this for too long.

Look at the number of women convicted of heinous sexual assaults against children, how are we going to protect our children from women?

One of the most dangerous and prolific serial killers in British history is a woman, her victims were all men. How can we be a safe society when evil, dangerous women are left to assault and kill innocent men?

We need to do something about the monsters women have become. It's clear than neither children nor grown men are safe from the murderous predatory behaviour of women.

Hint: white person wouldn't tell minorities:
"Well, what am Iiiiii supposed to do about it? Look, it's being reported in the news, what else do you want? Black people kill white people too, ya know

^^ you do get the.”all lives matter” brigade, who are just as bad. But I guess they are more acknowledged to be dickheads.

And OP, I totally understand why this case would freak you out. So many of us have experienced violence at the hands of men, and these cases just make us think that it coud have been us.

And just in case there is anyone reading this who is in a DV situation, there help out there:

Freephone 24-Hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247

@XDownwiththissortofthingX made a good point and i wonder if anyone is doing studies on it
As an aside, every time I hear of someone who played a concussive sport acting like this after retirement, I can't help but wonder about CTE
There have been calls in football circles this week to adopt a concussion protocol similar to the one in Rugby and other sports. And young players are encouraged not to head the ball before the age of 10.

Nobody on this thread has said that all men are murdering fucking scumbags - and yet so many of them are. So how do we combat that?

Well one way is thanks to men like @ShatnersWig asking us for our ideas (and then putting them into practice, please)

AngelsSins
I am neither naive nor paranoid, and I don't need to generalise to make a point. I get much better results and I also stay much safer too.

The simple fact that you can't accept an opinion without screaming NAMALT! says it all really.

I WANT A DISCUSSION ABOUT MALE VIOLENCE

Yes this. It’s always the same.

Few posts in and the NAMALT, “women do it tooooo” and “im a decent bloke” posts start.

ALL part of the problem.

When are we going to do something about the murderous nature of women? That woman in Ireland is just the tip of the Iceberg, women have been getting away with this for too long

This thread is about male violence. Rather than derailing, how about you go start your own about the “massive problem” of female violence and sexual violence.

Yes this. It’s always the same.

indeed, it is. Because instead of talking about violence, it has to be a straight generalisation from the start.

Corbyn was a pacifist
No he isn’t. He is as vile and misogynistic as they come. Wolf in sheep’s clothing. He ignored abuse of women in his own party.

PicsInRed My question was totally and utterly genuine, which is why I asked it! What is the best way for those of us who condemn violence to express our outrage so that it actually has an effect on these people? Sadly, I think it would make no difference whatsoever - in some of these custody cases, they just snap; in other abusive cases, this is who they are, and no amount, unfortunately, of the rest of us saying "this is wrong, this is appalling, don't do it" is actually going to stop them. I wish it would. All sorts of tragedies and atrocities would never have happened.

ok, @lilmisstoldyouso - seeing as you have asserted "
So, based on the theory that "all men are violent child killers, rapists and murderers". Lets have some reciprocal hysteria.*

which posts on this thread expound that theory? The only people saying that anyone is adopting the position, from what i can see on this convo, are the NAMALT brigade. It's quite depressing.

Yes - some women kill their children. It is no worse than some men killing their children, it is equally bad. I don't know the stats so i don't know how they pan out.

But i do know that the further into a thread about violence against women we know the closer the probability of a NAMALT gets close to 1

lilmisstoldyouso

Excellent whataboutery with a side of gaslighting. Nicely done.

What on earth would men do without a stand up lass like you to advocate for them? 😭 💕

@JosefKeller
I think you may have tagged the wrong person, I’m arguing against the NAMALT shite!

indeed, it is. Because instead of talking about violence, it has to be a straight generalisation from the start

Well when one is discussing male violence there is a common denominator. Discussions thereon would benefit women and men alike.

In the article I read about this in the mail, it quoted a male 'family friend' saying what a great dad he was and how the children were his world.

I know, not least, from the great work that Luke and Ryan Hart are doing - www.cocoawareness.co.uk/- (their dad murdered their mum and their sister then killed himself) that this behaviour doesn't come out of nowhere.

So maybe men could educate themselves. Look out for the signs among your mates. If you think one of them is controlling or abuse, speak out, support his partner.

Because these men aren't operating in a vacuum. And too many men turn a blind eye.

Whilst it may be true (and you'd bloody well hope so) that the majority of men do not act or think this way, it is true to say the vast majority of crimes of this nature are committed by men. No-one's saying women aren't capable of similar DV, stalking, murder etc but the crime statistics speak for themselves.

Stories such as this are tragic and alarming. The common element is a man who felt he was wronged, about to lose his power over a woman, felt humiliated or rejected in some way. That "if I can't have you no-one will" or "you've disrespected me and now you'll pay" shit.

I think you may have tagged the wrong person, I’m arguing against the NAMALT shite!

you are using it wrong dear

@ShatnersWig - ignore all the buzzing. Call people out on misogynistic bullshit. It starts small and it sometimes escalates but often if you nip it in the bud (especially with younger people) it can stop.

The one improvement i saw with the online reports i saw of this was that his name only appeared later in the article and not in the headlines.

One negative: so many of the articles show the picture of her in the pool with the kids, the one from behind. Because "women in bikinis get clicks" presumably

ShatnersWig, they perpetrate what they believe will not be condemned. I watched my own ex become more and more abusive, the more his actions were excused by those around him. He was emboldened by it. Few of these men truly "snap".

This guy thought ahead to bring petrol to the party, didn't he? That's not "snap". That's "plan".

If men called their mates out on shitty behaviour, it often wouldn't progress. There's a reason lawless societies are so violent, whilst our own is (relatively) not. Shame and consequences.