Should it cost me to attend a child's birthday party?

[sleepyfarm]

NC.

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not to think this mum is a CF.

DC was invited to a classmates 5th birthday party at a jump trampoline place. WhatsApp message to whole class inviting and giving time location etc. Another message received a few days before party saying 'if you have the socks already bring them if not you can purchase them there'. As I've been to one of these parties before I know the socks are usually included in the party but I didn't think too much about it.

Turns out she has paid entry for all of the attendees (30+) but not for the socks or entry fee for parents. So she hasn't booked it as a party. When another parent enquired about food she said that we would all be going to McDonald's around the corner after the jumping. I'm going to presume she is paying for the meals but who knows.

So when I attend I will have to buy the socks, pay entry, and no doubt spend a fortune on drinks as she hasn't got any jugs put on like they do for parties. Then have to traipse round to McDonald's after.

Am I being unreasonable to think that she is being cheap, and rude? She hasn't made this clear to other parents that this will be happening. It will cost each parent at least £10, some more as there are siblings invited.

My DH doesn't think it's a big deal which is why I'm asking here. I just feel it's a big no no to do this. FWIW she is not struggling for money in the slightest.

Poor party mum has tried her best to invite whole class

If you don’t want to pay to supervise then don’t go.
Simple surely?

I'm with your DH. This isn't a big deal. Honestly, you are the type of parent I didn't know existed until MN and until we moved and ended up at a school with some of them.
You are being very mean-spirited. Imagine gossiping with other parents and on MN about someone trying to host a party for their DC and their classmates. Your faux concern about other parents not being able to afford it is a horrible excuse for being gossipy. If it bothers you, don't go. But please don't try to ruin another parent's reputation because they had the gall to organise a party differently from you.

Let everyone else enjoy the party

This is the point. it’s not “a party”.

I hink you’re being a bit grabby and pedantic

How is it “grabby” to expect someone “hosting” a “party” to actually do it properly and not half arse if?

You definitely don't pay as an adult to just watch at our local trampoline place, I know that as a fact as went not so long ago! Big place too.
Definitely weird that yours charges spectators, that's not the norm.
I can guess socks for everyone jumping would soon add up, even if they're only a couple of quid so don't blame her there really.

YANBU. If you decide to host an event, you organise it and pay for it and make sure that people are clear on advance on any deviations from normal practice preferably when the invitation is issued so people don't have unforseen costs (gift is an expected cost and flexible on budget)

I've now tipped towards ££££ between hosting two DCs parties in recent years. Whole class was soft play only. Fewer children opens up the dearer options like trampolines or laser quest etc. Due to the way DS2's class birthdays are distributed, he's the start of a birthday surge which opens up the opportunity to share a party as over half the class fall in a 3 month window, so that does open the budget per head (lots host joint parties as there's not enough weekends to go round otherwise, and that seems to suit most people). I've been clear with my DCs about options at certain ages, e.g. no swimming until they are 9 so I don't have ratio issues with under 8s.

Party packages cover the essentials and work out better value than doing it DIY. My pet hate is when the party goes from our trampoline park to the chain resturant next door as it takes forever, gets crowded and just seems to get really slow and faffy. (Not CFery, just awkward!)

Our scouting and guiding groups always give McDonalds a heads up when they're planning to turn up. McDonalds don't routinely expect 30 happy meals in one order (and the McFlurry machine definitely struggles with capacity!) The leaders are experienced at dealing with getting orders from 30 odd indecisive children and getting the orders into the staff which unaccoustomed parents may find harder to do efficiently.

I’d love to see this thread If this was the party mum posting. I would bet the consensus would be that if she couldn’t do it properly then she shouldn’t be having so many people and either to have a smaller party or suck up the cost of socks herself. How it’s expensive enough going to a party with buying a present etc without expecting parents to pay for extras.

This place cracks me up, people argue black was white just for the sake of it and to be a twat to the OP

But please don't try to ruin another parent's reputation because they had the gall to organise a party differently from you.

Will you give your head a wobble.

The host mum is supposed to be organising a party. A party is a treat for her own child. It is supposed to be free for the people who attend. Its not a school led event where everybody pays a small amount towards the overall cost.

The host mum is being unbelievably rude.

We don't take our hot water bottles around with us
I’d take a hot water bottle to flip out, our local one is freezing for those sat about watching! But, not only do you freeze while watching, you also have to pay for the privilege as they have introduced a ‘spectator charge’ recently.

I have no idea why some posters are doubting the op over this. Just because your Local trampoline centre doesn’t charge to spectate, doesn’t mean that it’s free in all trampoline centres around the country.

Can you speak to the hosting parent, do they need parents to stay (in which case they should be paying for you to stop) or are they happy for you to drop and run and they take responsibility for your dc?
The socks is different, I would expect that if you have socks, you take them. As a host I would be miffed to have to buy everyone socks when most people already have a pair at home they could use. If I’d been given a pair of trampoline socks each time my dc had been to a party there, I’d be inundated with them!

None of this would be a problem if party mum has just been clear from the outset about McDonald's and food and that it's not booked as a party but as a jump session.

One of my kids was invited to a trampoline party at that age with the whole class. Parents dropped and ran. Came back at the end to find party mum FRAZZLED and really annoyed at all the parents for leaving. She's expected all of them to stay for the two hours and help with food etc. It was a small trampoline centre so almost none of them felt the need to stay. Invites need to be clear because they're not only inviting, they're informing people what's expected of them. Or should be!

Patti she's not being unbelievable rude at all. OP has taken little snippets of information and turned them into a big drama. She seems to think her trampoline place is the only one in the country where you pay to spectate. She's imagining there will be no drinks inside (even though party mum hasn't said that). She's guessing they'll have to pay for the McDonald's. She's also guessing all the parents will stay and there's no other supervision organised. OP has taken two facts and made up five other ones that make the party mum wrong. There's definitely someone being rude here... and it's not the party mum.

I wouldn't make a fuss. We've just got to the stage in y1 were dd has been left out of a couple of parties and it's really upsetting. I would rather pay and not have my child crying at home having been left out. She's paid the entrance fee. You can't expect anything more. Smile and suck it up if you want good relations to continue

I've just been to one (my daughter is 5) and parents just watched, for free. And actually we were able to join in, they weren't strict. And we could just wear normal socks - do they check?

If it's reception age parents might be required to pay to jump, never mind watch! The one local to me requires under 5's to be accompanied which is why we ruled it out for DS's reception birthday party. Half the kids were still 4 so would have ended up costing a fortune paying for accompanying adults too!

how is that generous, its a birthday party invite?

Of course it's generous, she's inviting and paying for the OP's child to go trampoling and that's a treat - going to a birthday party is something that's always been seen like that by my children. It's not an entitlement, it's a special thing to be invited.

Anne We are not going to agree on this. I would never expect parents to contribute to a child's birthday party.

We've just got to the stage in y1 were dd has been left out of a couple of parties and it's really upsetting.

What do you do in this event? I have noticed this happening this year too. My child has never been invited to two kid's parties. (They host big parties)The kids who haven't invited him play with other kids in the group more than with my son. Fair enough. I feel uncomfortable asking the group minus the two kids that don't invite him. It seems petty. Its a minefield!

To be honest by the time she’s paid for all the McDonald’s and entry she’s have been better off just booking the party! She’s a CF for not making it clear it’s not a party.

She could have worded it better, like “little Jonny would like to you to come trampolining with him on this date for his birthday. If you want to come we’ll meet you there at this time. If you have socks from before then please bring them, otherwise they can be bought there.”

No one is forcing you to go though, so save your anger and just give it a miss

And we could just wear normal socks - do they check?

The one ds went to with school not only check, they say that if the socks have come from a different franchise, they are not allowed.

My DD is too young for this kind of stuff yet but I just don't get why parents go so OTT for kids parties. Why spend £100 for all the class to go to the party - why not just invite a handful?

Or....My friends son's birthday was at the beginning of the school year so she felt she had to do a big party as they all didn't really know each other yet. She hired the corner of a local sports hall - it had a bouncy castle permanently set up in there (and a few other bits - footballs etc) but otherwise you had to bring your own stuff. It was cheap and no paying by head. She had the whole class and we just did a production line of sandwiches and stuff for the birthday tea. Much easier!

Shamelessly place marking

It's not that I'm quibbling over £3. It's not just £3 though is it? It's the socks, entry, drinks and probably the McDonald's. It's being dressed up as a party but will probably cost me more to attend than what she's paid for my child. It's a 40 minute drive away from where we all live and then the McDonald's is about 1 like drive away. It's a tiny McDonald's too, it's a drive through.

Then just don’t go!!!!!!

You don’t have to pay for yourself unless you want to jump? I’ve taken DD & didn’t spend anything more than the cost of her entry & socks. You can enter and watch for free with you DC.

Of course it's generous, she's inviting and paying for the OP's child to go trampoling they've chosen an activity that is going to cost the invitees parent's money. Thats not how birthdays should be, do what you can afford dont shove the cost onto others because you have grand expectations.

No one is forcing you to go though

of course no one is forced to go, it's bad form is what most sensible people can conclude.

@Comefromaway😲😲 bloody hell, cheeky buggers!