Should it cost me to attend a child's birthday party?

[sleepyfarm]

NC.

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not to think this mum is a CF.

DC was invited to a classmates 5th birthday party at a jump trampoline place. WhatsApp message to whole class inviting and giving time location etc. Another message received a few days before party saying 'if you have the socks already bring them if not you can purchase them there'. As I've been to one of these parties before I know the socks are usually included in the party but I didn't think too much about it.

Turns out she has paid entry for all of the attendees (30+) but not for the socks or entry fee for parents. So she hasn't booked it as a party. When another parent enquired about food she said that we would all be going to McDonald's around the corner after the jumping. I'm going to presume she is paying for the meals but who knows.

So when I attend I will have to buy the socks, pay entry, and no doubt spend a fortune on drinks as she hasn't got any jugs put on like they do for parties. Then have to traipse round to McDonald's after.

Am I being unreasonable to think that she is being cheap, and rude? She hasn't made this clear to other parents that this will be happening. It will cost each parent at least £10, some more as there are siblings invited.

My DH doesn't think it's a big deal which is why I'm asking here. I just feel it's a big no no to do this. FWIW she is not struggling for money in the slightest.

DC cannot “insist” you invite the whole class as they aren’t the ones having to pay for it. If it’s too expensive to invite the whole class then don’t. Or hire a hall where you don’t pay per head. Or have a small party at home.

They get very hot and thirsty trampolining, of course they’ll need a drink.

If the budget is £200 maximum then you have a party that costs £200 and you give the child the choice of a cheap venue with home made food and the whole class with simpler entertainment like dancing, running around and pass the parcel, or a smaller group if they want a paid for activity and food. It's not hard.

What you don't do is tell a large group that you're inviting them to a party but then have it in an expensive activity venue but not actually do any hosting, most people wouldn't leave their 5 YO at a trampoline park unsupervised and it's not grabby to expect to be fed at a kids party even if it is just crisps, biscuits and dilute juice.

I think it’s madness to invite that age children to a trampoline place and so many of them.

It’s an expensive mistake. Poor woman must be having kittens!

I'm confused. Do you expect the party organiser to pay for all the parents to do trampolining and then pay for their Mcdonald's too?!!!

DC insisted she had to invite the whole class so paying for socks and food when many probably already had them may have been seen as a step too far.

If a 5 year old DC is insisting on that (and the mum does it) that then the mum has more to worry about than paying for a "party"

Don't send your child then!!!! Honestly - no one is forcing you!

Gosh I'm glad this kind of cf'ery wasn't around when my kids were young. You want a party for your child - you pay for it. You invite the number of children you can afford and no more. You don't put any additional costs on them other than the birthday present and the transport to get there.
Sounds like the party goers could well be paying more than the host in this scenario. £3 for socks. £3 for parent entry. Extra for drinks. The birthday present. Transport. And maybe even the McD meal too. Outrageous really.
Oh and .... It's a finely honed operation designed to serve as many people as they can in as little time possible

.... in reality there are never enough kiosks or serving staff during busy periods.

My kids ahve both been to and hosted parties where they have gone to McDonalds afterwards (cinema & laser quest.) Thats' not a problem. Happy Meals have been ordered and all was fine. At the actual activity I provided drinks and in the case of cinema sweets)

What is not OK in this case is the party extras. On another recent thread posters were villified for saying that it was fine for a parent to drop off and leave at a soft play party for 5 year olds. At a trampoline place there will be a minimum adult/child ratio so unless the party mum has organised lots of helpers parents will have no choice but to stay. They are usually sited in out of the way places too. A booked party may send out disclaimer paperwork in advance, a non booked party will need it signing on the day. If I was booking a trampoline party (I never would as I think they are very unsafe places on the whole) I would invite less children and pay for the socks and drinks.

I'm confused. Do you expect the party organiser to pay for all the parents to do trampolining and then pay for their Mcdonald's too?!!!

No. I wouldn't expect to be either trampolining or eating McDs. At that age I'm happy to stay and supervise my child but I'm not paying for the privilege.

I'm confused. Do you expect the party organiser to pay for all the parents to do trampolining and then pay for their Mcdonald's too?!!!

Of course the OP doesn't. But there is a charge for the parents to simply sit and watch/supervise so party mum either need to organise her own supervision (by paying for helpers or booking an actual party where you get allocated a staff member) or pay for the parents to stay.

The OP doesn't know if the Mcdonalds for the kids is being paid for or not.

You don't have to wait for your child - you could just drop them off with the money for socks.

Surely the trampoline place won't accept 30+ 4/5 year olds being supervised by only a couple of adults? Especially as they haven't booked it as a party so there will be other children in the mix too, it would be impossible to keep track of them all! Unless the birthday child's parents have drafted in extra adults to help I would have thought parents will be expected to stay.

The parties I've been to the "hosts" seem sooo stressed. ! I've been saving since Christmas to pay entertainers, sport party or dance party or something! ...

I looked up our local Flip Out.

The cheapest party cost £14 per child which includes 1 hour play, socks and pizza. There needs to be 1 adult for every 10 children.

A 1 hour jump on its own costs £11.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers aaah ok I see, I used to trampoline and we always just wore normal socks hence the confusion.

I'm not looking forward to my son wanted to go to one of these places i a few years. It looks like a H&S nightmare.

Your child is going to have a great time, but you are grumbling about £3 entrance fee!

Don’t go. Stay away. Let everyone else enjoy the party

Surely the trampoline place won't accept 30+ 4/5 year olds being supervised by only a couple of adults?

The organising mother may well have arranged for grandparents/friends/some of the parents to stay though. The OP is just assuming she needs to stay to supervise, just like she's assuming the mother hasn't arranged the McDonald's properly etc etc,

I think she is being cheeky. How many she has invited is irrelevant, that was her decision.

What age is your child? Around here, the jumpzones are only for over 6 I think? I have never stayed to watch my child during a jumpzone party.

I would be really annoyed if the party was on in McDonalds and she had not said that beforehand. We do not eat there and I would not accept a party invitation for a party that was going there.

I don't think it sounds like she is going to pay for the food either tbh.

If she was, she would just have booked the venue as a party and have had the food there. There is little chance she would traipse around the corner with a large number of children to buy them food somewhere else.

In your case, I'd bring a bottle of water, bring the socks if you have them already or buy new ones and leave after the trampoline part.

I think YABU. Are you sure parents have to pay to get in? That sounds bizarre. And if so, don’t stay? She probably isn’t expecting literally every parent to stay! She’s paying for the kids and taking them for food. Why on earth would you have to spend a fortune on drinks? Just bring a bottle of water?! I think you’re being a bit grabby and pedantic.

It's abit annoying but you should just say you have other plans if you cba with the rest. I'm abit fed up of the parties already. I can't drive and it's not ideal with my youngest not being invited but they like you to stay. My kids got one the begining of march and I already cba with it. Pinches a chunk of the weekend too.

The trampoline park near us does party packages which include socks, drinks, food and I’ve seen deals on groupon too.

Our one you have to pay for socks unless you have your own and adults are £3 each but this turns into a voucher each for the cafe whilst you’re waiting which is just pointless, I don’t want cake and I’m lactose intolerant and soya rips my stomach too pieces so I can’t have a hot drink it makes me 😡

However I’d suck it up and go because my kids would enjoy it.

30 kids or 2 kids. The number is irrelevant.

The whole point of a party is that it is FREE.

Other than an optional gift and it should always be stated as optional!

I know a family who don't go to parties because they have to bring a gift and they can't always afford them. I'd hate my kid's friends to miss their parties because they couldn't afford to attend.

The only person who is being 'grabby' here is the host mum who is trying to cut corners. At the very least she is being unthoughtful.

When I've done parties the budget includes the venue, the entertainment/activity, the refreshments, the cake, decorations and party bags/favours. We've always made any costumes voluntary and would only expect a present the person can afford (from a Poundland find onwards, actually the Poundland present ended up being a favourite!)
£360 is A LOT of money to spend just on the activity if it's not also a useable venue. Most party bundles that are around this price have a catered party area etc. You basically just bring a cake! I think maybe the parent has overextended themselves and budgeted poorly for this party. If they were expecting lots of financial input from other parents they should have specified this.

I think the socks are irrelevant though. Maybe a little note of "don't forget your socks!" On the invite would have covered that. But I have never taken my kids to a party where we were expected to pay entry or for a McDonald's. I've had to bring it buy refreshments for myself/other adults/younger siblings, but that's about it (and we could have gone without a coffee or some fruit snacks for an hour and a half really and just made do with hot water bottles).

Our water bottles not hot water bottles. We don't take our hot water bottles around with us

This is terrible hosting. I would be tempted to just drop my child off and go (obviously making sure that party mum is aware).

Interested to see how the party turned out! I agree that if I couldn't afford to cover the cost of the party then I would either invite fewer children or have it somewhere else. Nothing wrong with asking people to bring their own refillable water bottle though.