to really, REALLY regret changing my surname?

[BoldRoo]

I was quite young when I married and changed my surname without giving it much consideration. Now, ten years later, I really regret it, for a number of reasons.

1. No family links (I have no middle names either).
2. Our surname is awful. Thought I’d get used to it, never have. It’s got a rude word as part of it (think Cockshoot, Dickman type name).
3. I hate seeing it on documents and still hate writing it myself.
4. I’m worried our children will be teased at school for it (husband denies it has ever happened to him, I don’t believe him). They’re still too young to know their surnames so that doesn’t matter.

So, I’ve suggested to husband that I change surname, and that our children also change to be the same as mine, and that he can adopt our new surname as a middle name/double barrelled name with his original surname (he refuses to change it outright). He’s being moody about it but says I can. But he’ll definitely guilt trip me about it. So, am I being unreasonable to seriously consider doing this?

Life is too short to be stuck with a name you despise.

Quite. And that is why I did change my name and kept it after divorce!

and know that we don't have to have a man's name stamped all over us and our children.

Why would anyone have a name stamped all over them? How odd. I've never felt the need to stamp any of my names over myself. 🙄 Why do people have to be so rude?

Mycatwontstopstaring
The OP won't be choosing a new surname, she is going back to her original surname (i refuse to call it a "maiden name", hate that phrase).

OP, change your name - that is your decision alone.

If your DH agrees, change the children's too.

I could have written this - am having the same dilemma!! I want to change to a blended one - combination of his and my maiden name. DH isn’t keen. I want us all to have the same surname. There is no easy answer and it’s really getting me down

YANBU. Change your name, and change your children's. If your husband huffs and puffs, tell him to get over himself.

I can't imagine your kids will grow up with a perfectly ordinary last name and think "I really wish I was called Bumsucker" (or whatever) and if they do they can change it back. Plus, if they do decide to change it back, they'll be much older and will have been spared any childhood ridicule they might have had to put up with.

Are you a Wanklyn???? Because i could NEVER object to you changing...(YES I DO know folk of that surname. YES they are MEDICS, HIGHLY RESPECTED ETC)

Just. Do. It

Okay, I’ve taken all of your views on board (thank you for all the suggestions) and I’ll be going ahead with changing back to the surname
I had before we married OR changing to a new neutral name. I’ll give DH some time to consider whether he would like to add or alter his name along with us, but it’s fine if he doesn’t. As mentioned earlier, DH has agreed to changing the DC’s names anyway (but is just being a sulky man child about it), so I’m going to go with my gut feeling on doing what’s right for me and the DC. DH can decide for himself what he wants to do.

I would like to know if it's Shitweasel.

Please go with your name and not a random neutral one.

I have learned about lots of new rude names on this thread, I feel less alone now

I want us all to have the same surname.

Why? Genuine question, I don't really understand this want.

Happily married 25 years, I kept my name, DH kept his name, children are double barrelled, my name first but just because it flows better that way.
DH actually has a much nicer name than me but my name is perfectly ordinary and fine.

@AllNewThings ah yes, you’ve got me. I’m a Shitweasel

Oh yes change it! For you and them. In our family, some of our children have DPs surname, some have mine. I couldn't think of a fairer way to do it. I like my surname, plus, you know, it's my name. I don't want to change it to a made up one or someone else's.

Your kids will thank you.

(Aldo I think I've got a feminism crush on @AnotherEmma. Loving your work)

Edit: not really a Shitweasel.

My married surname isn’t great. It isn’t rude but it is a word you’d not choose. I’m cross I changed to it. I didn’t even question it. I do now and don’t really associate it with me. It doesn’t feel like my name and I think a lot of the reason is that I just don’t like it.

So I think changing yours and the children’s if it is rude is totally justifiable.

Change it Op . Don’t call him a man child - that’s a bit mean really, I mean, you’re changing your surname, your children’s surname from his, a surname that was his fathers, there is some significance to it. Yeah - if it was cockhead, cuntface, twatbell - fine I get it, but don’t call him a sulky manchild because he seems upset - he might be feeling a bit shit about it all.

@namechange5575
💪

I double barrelled my surname when I married because I really love my maiden name. Plus my dad is the last Male in his family line (only has sisters, his dad only had sisters and his dad only had sisters!) And he only has daughters so I feel really gutted to let it go. I often drop my husbands name off the end of the double barrel too. I really regret not double barreling the kids names but to back track now would really offend my husband. Its weird to have such an attachment to it, but at the same time it's been part of my identity for so long it's hard to let go. And I find it even more grating that if I was a man I wouldn't be expected to let it go

I've heard of a C. Mycock used to be in the phone book years ago. I'm not joking.

I dont understand why any women change their name in the first place, let alone to one that is a cause for ridicule.

Because the original one was cause for constant, tedious, unfunny ridicule. I couldn't wait to get rid of the bloody thing.
I kept it when I got divorced, too. And didn't change it when I married again. This has some interesting administrative effects.

@shinyredbus I’m calling him a sulky man child because he has form for this sort of behaviour when anything isn’t exactly how he wants it. I’ve put up with a name that I hate for years and have managed not to sulk about it - instead I feel that I have been able to put my points across to him in a fairly mature, level way. Sorry to expect the same of him, but he is in his 40s.

Also, I haven’t just sprung the idea on him. I first raised it with him a year ago and he got really shitty about it then, so I dropped it. I’ve now decided that a year later, it still bothers me on a daily basis and therefore I’d like to do something about it.

Change it! My bil made it a condition of getting married that his dw would take his name. My dh, his db, said other kids took the piss all the time at school. I changed my name to his, but it’s only on official documents, I never actually use it at work or social media etc.

Frankly that should've been a red flag for SIL even if he didn't have a comedy surname.