to really, REALLY regret changing my surname?

[BoldRoo]

I was quite young when I married and changed my surname without giving it much consideration. Now, ten years later, I really regret it, for a number of reasons.

1. No family links (I have no middle names either).
2. Our surname is awful. Thought I’d get used to it, never have. It’s got a rude word as part of it (think Cockshoot, Dickman type name).
3. I hate seeing it on documents and still hate writing it myself.
4. I’m worried our children will be teased at school for it (husband denies it has ever happened to him, I don’t believe him). They’re still too young to know their surnames so that doesn’t matter.

So, I’ve suggested to husband that I change surname, and that our children also change to be the same as mine, and that he can adopt our new surname as a middle name/double barrelled name with his original surname (he refuses to change it outright). He’s being moody about it but says I can. But he’ll definitely guilt trip me about it. So, am I being unreasonable to seriously consider doing this?

I have a similar dilemma as I dislike DP surname.

I can’t imagine being Mrs Jones as I have a unique surname. Growing up I was proud of my name as I never met anyone who wasn’t family with the same. If I introduced myself I’d be met with are related to Brian Unique. I’m the only person in the world with Harriet Unique and if I decide to become Harriet Jones I’ll be one of thousands.

It wouldn’t be so bad but my DP has nothing to do with his dad, dislikes his grandad but feels like he has to carry on the name as there’s only females on his side to ‘carry on the name’.

Your motivation is completely reasonable. I’d do it.

I haven't RTWT so don't know if anyones mentioned it already, but I believe that you don't actually legally change your surname when you marry. You are correctly addressed as either 'Mrs (Husband's Christian Name) Surname' or your original combination of christian + surname.

(I know this doesn't help with the worry of children being teased for their surname.)

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/why-im-proud-to-have-the-surname-smellie---and-will-never-change/amp/

I know a family with a similar surname, as you say, with a rude word in it. Not only did they get teased at school, they had problems using the school computers, using their names for loggin was not acceptable. Even the teachers suggested a name change it all got so bad. So they did, to one they chose randomly that they all liked.

As I've said before, I didn't change my name when I got married, because I didn't think our marriage changed me more than it changed my husband.

It's a bit odd to change the kids' names now, but a) they're very young and b) I doubt it's uncommon (though not usually for this reason).

Finally, I am in absolute peals of laughter over some of these names, because I am 12. I think Bumsucker is my favorite. Though in my head it's spelled Baumsuquer.

There was a weather man called Mike Wankum on our local tv station.

Change your name back to your original name OP and spare your poor children.

No one spares a thought for women being sad about not passing on their surnames, do they?

So so true. Dh was saying to me recently why did we both assume that the kids would have his surname (and it was both of us assuming even though I didn't change my name). My surname is lovely, easier than his (no apostrophe) in some ways. I think if we were having kids now rather than 20 years ago, we'd think about it more carefully. They did have my surname in the maternity hospital and I loved their wristbands with Babyname Pallisers on it - saved them all.

My lovely DH had an awful sounding surname. I kept my name when we married. First child was registered with his name (I didn't want to hurt his feelings) , second child was registered with mine (having admitted to myself how much I hated the name) Got a bit fed up with all the confusion, so we chose a brand new surname and all changed by deed poll. Documents were a bit of a faff but I love our new name and am sooooo happy we did it. I couldn't have gone through life with the other name, or inflicted it on my kids.

You actually gave your two kids different surnames, brightlights??

I wanted to make it fair! We all have the same name now..,

Btw op you need both parents consent to change surname by deed poll

Yep, have DH consent! Begrudgingly anyway...

I double barrelled my maiden name and husband’s surname. I feel I could never give up MY name - it is who I am. Having three sons my surname will not carry on.

Lately when making a new email address, ordering online etc I use my surname only.

When the time comes and my husband dies (I am respectful of that) in the very sadly not too distant future I intend to revert back to my surname permanently. I have never felt comfortable using my husband’s name and still feel very odd being referred to as Mrs..... even after 53 years! You would have thought I would be use to it by now.

It is his name and I have mine. When I speak to official people now (doing that a lot now sadly) I say this is Zoflora A wife of Mr...B.

I can never understand why wives retain husband’s name after divorce either even if they have children. I understand why most do, but I would never drag a man’s name around with me when I no longer wanted to be associated with him.

I have a slightly unusual surname that’s a bit ugly sounding. My DH has an exquisite surname which sounds very distinguished. I didn’t change to his name, because my name is my own. No one cared, least of all DH, and we’ve been married a long time.

MyMum and Dad changed their surname to my Mum’s maiden name because when my brother started school they realised no one could pronounce it, my Dad was from another country. It meant her family name lived on. The name they changed it to did unfortunately rhyme with lots of rude words so was a good source of teasing for us at school. I think I just got used to it, but then when I got married I took my husband’s name, which I love. I have travelled up the alphabet and I have to say it has made a big difference to how I feel about my name. I would say it is worth it, especially if you feel this strongly, but of course you need to consider everyone’s feelings

Change your name don,t change the childrens as it sounds like he is not really happy with that decision and this could cause more probs I imagine.

I know that you're not called Mrs Fuckhead but that's my 'earworm' right now. I've had to find the thread again just to share with you. I sometimes wonder what the actual fuck goes on in my head, perhaps the two things are related?

Is it on here:

www.thesun.co.uk/news/7134748/people-with-rude-sounding-names-reveal-everyday-struggles-as-a-result-of-their-x-rated-surnames/

I know someone who had a name similar to what you describe. They changed it by dropping a couple of letters so wasn’t rude anymore. Is this something you could consider? Changing a couple of letters so the name remained similar to the original but less vulnerable to teasing and generally more pleasing?

Is it Cumming, OP? Are your children called Ima and Willie?

Or are you married to Phil McAvity?

Agree change it if it's rude and making you miserable

When I was an immature teenager we had a list at work of funny/rude customer names - kids can be horrible unfortunately

We had Hiscock, Growcock, Silcock, De'ath, Willey, Rowbottom...

I know you shouldn't have to change it but it avoids the teasing issue

My maiden name was along the same lines, I was picked on incessantly at school, called names, teased, bullied. Just because of that surname. I'm so glad that I'm now married and my DC don't have to carry that name with them.

I don't think YABU.

@Aesopfable I had suggested that before anything else, and it would actually only take changing a couple of letters for it to become a very generic name. But the husband wasn’t happy with that suggestion!

I have a friend whose married name is Higginbottom she goes by Mrs Higg. Is something like that an option?

@donquixotedelamancha

Phil McAvity