to really, REALLY regret changing my surname?

[BoldRoo]

I was quite young when I married and changed my surname without giving it much consideration. Now, ten years later, I really regret it, for a number of reasons.

1. No family links (I have no middle names either).
2. Our surname is awful. Thought I’d get used to it, never have. It’s got a rude word as part of it (think Cockshoot, Dickman type name).
3. I hate seeing it on documents and still hate writing it myself.
4. I’m worried our children will be teased at school for it (husband denies it has ever happened to him, I don’t believe him). They’re still too young to know their surnames so that doesn’t matter.

So, I’ve suggested to husband that I change surname, and that our children also change to be the same as mine, and that he can adopt our new surname as a middle name/double barrelled name with his original surname (he refuses to change it outright). He’s being moody about it but says I can. But he’ll definitely guilt trip me about it. So, am I being unreasonable to seriously consider doing this?

I think a double barrell and you ALL change might be OK. To me it's the idea of causing resentment by changing the children's names that might not be worth it.

Just because you hate it they might be like their father and want to keep it.

Controlling*

He’s being moody about it but says I can

Do it. Don't set your kids up for being taken the piss out of. I suspect he agreed because he had it when he was younger.

I have googled it, lots of variations of it as people probably change the original because it’s awful

Higginbottom, sometimes changed to Higginbotham, or some variant on the?

I assure you, your kids will thank you for not being lumbered with a rude/unique name.

^ no one can know this about these kids we haven't met. Some of us love having unique names that are part of our heritage.

Some of us were also borderline bullied or treated differently due to having a weird name. Particularly as OP’s surname includes dick/cock etc

I assure you, your kids will thank you for not being lumbered with a rude/unique name.

^ This

I get you, OP. DH changed his name by deed poll when he was 18 to that of his stepdad. Then his mum passed away, and he lost contact with his stepdad. So we've got a family name that no one can ever spell or say, and our DC carry the name of a family we don't belong to.

I deeply regret not keeping my maiden name and DH changing his by deed poll again, at least it meant something to one of us.

Double barrelling wouldn’t work, both names are too long. It’d be a right mouthful.

Life is too short to be stuck with a name you despise. It can truly affect your sense of identity- I used to hate introducing myself to people, seeing my name written down (work email address, social media etc).

This is exactly how I feel @mnthrowaway202020

I have a unusual surname and always said I would never change my surname if I got married etc as I have always felt that was the name I was given At birth so shouldn’t be changes and also the name means so much to my father as it’s the only bit of past he has left. My child also has my surname and from the age of 3 has loved spelling it out when asked. He also loves that it’s unusual. My dad is over the moon that a grandson will carry on the family name.

You said in your original post “ I’m worried our children will be teased at school for it,” yet in a subsequent post you said “ it was a name that wouldn’t cause any teasing.” Then you said that you want to “protect them from years of piss taking.”
What do you actually want?
I can fully appreciate why your husband might feel hurt by this .

I’d change both.

I’m the opposite, my maiden name was very unusual and no one could spell it correctly or pronounce it, even though it wasn’t hard to say and I was glad to be shut of it and have an ordinary name that I can just say without having to spell out every time I said it.

Could you come up with a new surname that you can all adopt as a family? My brother and sister-in-law did this.

I kept my surname (kids also have my surname, they were born before we married). My surname does include a rude sounding word although it’s spelt differently. My boys have occasionally been teased about their surname but nothing serious. I have a big family and wanted to keep the connection, DH doesn’t have any other family so no real connections.

Can you suggest something different, a mix of the two?
Like Cockwood and Johnson could be
Johnwood or Woodson.
Your blending both your history together and names include in that so he's being stubborn and silly to refuse any change.

Sorry, but the thought of being Mrs Cockshoot, Mrs Knobend, Mrs Ballbag etc would be too much for me and I'd want to change it too! Have you ever heard comments or been teased about it yourself? Jokes from receptionists or when spelling it over the phone etc? How do other family members cope with it? have they been teased or had issues with their children?
You can't enforce OH to change his. Its his family line and history- no matter how rude/weird the name is.

@1Morewineplease please read the full thread. It was a typo, which I corrected immediately underneath, and should have read “if it was a name that wouldn’t...”

I think I’ve been pretty clear.

I changed my name when I got married, 10 years on regretted it, changed it back. Its been a ball ache, so much stuff in different names, but I'm glad I did it. I left the kids names, I'd already given them my maiden name as a middle name.

I think you missed your chance to avoid the surname when you opted out of keeping your own.

The potential to upset your husband and all his relatives by forcing him to change his own surname is huge (and hugely controlling of you to demand that)

1Morewineplease You said in your original post “ I’m worried our children will be teased at school for it,” yet in a subsequent post you said “ it was a name that wouldn’t cause any teasing.” Then you said that you want to “protect them from years of piss taking.”

I think the OP actually meant if it was a name that wouldn’t cause teasing....

From what I can tell, her current surname is something that would cause teasing

And fuck the relatives. It's none of their business what so ever!

Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper are married but she kept her name and gave the children it. Better for them.

Change your name. He doesn't need to say you can change your name ffs and tell him you'll hear no sulking about it.

Change the kids names too. Valid reason to do so.

Addressing a few questions/points:

Have suggested blending our names. They wouldn’t actually blend well and the idea was not accepted well anyway.

Wouldn’t mind if it was just unusual, but it’s the rude word that bothers me.

Have suggested trying a new name for everyone. Also not acceptable.

Wouldn’t force DH to change his name, have just made suggestions of ways to find a solution where we’re both happy.

I dont understand why any women change their name in the first place, let alone to one that is a cause for ridicule. Just change it back .