to really, REALLY regret changing my surname?

[BoldRoo]

I was quite young when I married and changed my surname without giving it much consideration. Now, ten years later, I really regret it, for a number of reasons.

1. No family links (I have no middle names either).
2. Our surname is awful. Thought I’d get used to it, never have. It’s got a rude word as part of it (think Cockshoot, Dickman type name).
3. I hate seeing it on documents and still hate writing it myself.
4. I’m worried our children will be teased at school for it (husband denies it has ever happened to him, I don’t believe him). They’re still too young to know their surnames so that doesn’t matter.

So, I’ve suggested to husband that I change surname, and that our children also change to be the same as mine, and that he can adopt our new surname as a middle name/double barrelled name with his original surname (he refuses to change it outright). He’s being moody about it but says I can. But he’ll definitely guilt trip me about it. So, am I being unreasonable to seriously consider doing this?

Can you tell us the rude word in it but not the whole name?

@AnotherEmma

He can keep his shit surname to himself! this really made me laugh, thank you!

Fair enough! You still have work to do if you're wavering because he's sulking, keep an eye on that

Change the spelling/remove or add some letters - like John Cleese, he was Cheese and his father or grandfather changed it to Cleese.

I kept my name and my son also has my name. His father was furious but I don't care what he thinks as he was a deadbeat dad.
My son is proud to have my name as I have always been a strong woman.

It’s really not a big deal to use your maiden name for work/social purposes if you’d rather. Let the children decide for themselves later on if they want to also adopt your maiden name (this happened in my extended family). Daughters name changed but son didn’t as he wasn’t teased as much and liked the name. No need to pre-empt the teasing, let them choose for themselves when they’re a bit older.

(Lots of cross posts...)

If it's dickman I don't think it's that bad! I mean not ideal but I don't think kids would be teased over it would they?

Change your names, children too.
Husband was happy for you all to have his name, stuff him really, if you want you and the kids, and him if willing to have yours too,
Life is too short to have a name you absolutely hate.

It’s not Dickman!

i had/have a name that was a brand shown on tv ads alot -not goingto out myself but i used to get all the jokes under the sun about it and that was 30 years ago +-also everyne thought they were the only person to ever say a joke is was tiresome

i think he wil have to sign something but as long as he agrees do it

I remember another thread where the surname was Mycock and the poster was struggling to find a first name for their child that didn’t make the surname even ruder.

I think you should change your surname if it upsets you, but as it’s already your child’s name, you should leave it or double barrel it with your maiden name.
It’s already part of their identity and should be left to them to change when their older if they want to.

Maybe I just went to a horrible school, but all the children I knew with even remotely dodgy names got absolutely ripped for it!

When you choose your new name, instead of just going for something cool like Wilde or whatever, can you twist/condense his surname so it is completely different but you can still say “see I made it out of your name”?

So Cockshoot could become Coot or Khoot or Coosh er I dunno maybe have a play with it. (So to speak.)

Dickman -> Darkan / Dacmun / Daken

Or just an anagram 🤷‍♀️

Totally understand your doing it but need to manage DH who obvs is sad about his parents’ name ending its lineage etc.

@BoldRoo sorry I,ve only read the first page so far, could you not revert back to your maiden name and double barrel your DCs names as a compromise?

It’s not Dickman

Mycock?

How old are the children OP?

Thanks @KenDodd. I’ve definitely just done what’s expected in the past and regret it now.

@Mycatwontstopstaring that’s a good idea, I’ll have a think about that. Thanks.

Gaywood?

maybe have a play with it

I didn’t know Mycock was a surname. Blimey

@KenDodd they’re 18 months.

"I remember another thread where the surname was Mycock and the poster was struggling to find a first name for their child that didn’t make the surname even ruder."

Well that's just ridiculous and stupid. They should never have given the child such an awful surname in the first place.

The idea of men passing on their surnames to their wives and children - labelling their possessions - is still SO ingrained that it still doesn't even OCCUR to some people that it doesn't have to be that way! Even when the surname is atrocious.

I despair, I really do.

"need to manage DH who obvs is sad about his parents’ name ending its lineage etc."

No one spares a thought for women being sad about not passing on their surnames, do they?

they’re 18 months

Change their names. It's not 'part of their identity' or any nonsense like that, they won't even have a clue what it is.