Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL has moved in with SIL but she has no guest bedroom - so how will we visit?

189 replies

NeedASwissBankAccount · 18/02/2020 16:31

My MIL has helped SIL buy a bigger house. On the proviso that's she live in part of the house. I've not seen it yet but it was mine and DH's understanding that MIL would have two bedrooms in her part of the house so our DC - her grandchildren could visit.
MIL is keeping her flat but moving in with SIL.
When DH went to pick up MIL it turned out her part of the property only has one bedroom.
SIL has two DC and their bit has three bedrooms - the fifth bedroom is going to be rented out so they can pay the mortgage.
Thing is MIL gave them a few hundred thousand £s so she could live there.
It's not as if we hardly spend time with MIL. DH myself and our DC often go to see her - several times a year.
Annoyed but knew this would happen...

OP posts:
Menopauseandteensdontmix100 · 19/02/2020 18:42

OP I think your family not having a designated spare room for sole occupancy in SIL/MIL’s new residence is the least of the problems here.

littlekerry8 · 19/02/2020 18:58

GooseberryJam I respectfully disagree

Alsohuman · 19/02/2020 19:03

Glad you think financial abuse of an 84 year old lady isn’t a problem @littlekerry8, most people would disagree.

Original poster
NeedASwissBankAccount · 19/02/2020 19:04

Okay MIL doesn't have an LPA and she hasn't changed her will either. Do we need to be worried?

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 19/02/2020 19:09

Yes. She needs a financial LPA, ideally which doesn’t name either of her children as the administrator as it appears trust has gone between them now. She definitely needs a new will or your husband is going to be royally shafted. The cost of both should be about £400 all up.

littlekerry8 · 19/02/2020 19:12

Alsohuman love how you are an expert on this situation based on someone complaining they dont have somewhere to stay on mumsnet .... on the little information you have been given have already decided that people are guilty of ripping off an 84 year old Grin. And I dont think that was the problem that OP had was it ? It was they didnt think they had a place to stay for free ...

Lippy1234 · 19/02/2020 19:14

littlekerry8 Have you read the whole thread?

GooseberryJam · 19/02/2020 19:14

Well at least she hasn't got an LPA that hands control entirely to SIL. That is a plus for now. What has she actually got agreed legally / in writing? Get her to see a proper solicitor asap. The cousin who's an accountant won't do.

OhCaptain · 19/02/2020 19:14

I feel sorry for the mom, greedy daughter in one ear, greedy son in the other.

Me too!

GooseberryJam · 19/02/2020 19:16

@littlekerry8 like the way you're an expert based on clearly only having read part of the discussion! Try commenting once you actually know what's happening.

Alsohuman · 19/02/2020 19:16

@littlekerry8, you haven’t RTFT, have you love?

katy1213 · 19/02/2020 19:18

It's between them - none of your business. I certainly wouldn't be discussing any arrangement between my mother and myself with my brothers' wives. Or does this boil down to MIL spending money that you had ear-marked as your inheritance?

Waveysnail · 19/02/2020 19:27

I'm guessing the room is being rented out as air b&b rather than a lodger - easily can be dual purpose for you staying

littlekerry8 · 19/02/2020 19:30

Alsohuman I have love .. and OP's concern wasnt and isnt about her MIL being taken advantage of financialy ... it's about herself being bit of financially.. love

Singlenotsingle · 19/02/2020 19:33

Check out Airbnbs nearby?

Alsohuman · 19/02/2020 19:35

OP's concern wasnt and isnt about her MIL being taken advantage of financialy

I think you’ll find it is.

Cherrysoup · 19/02/2020 19:38

She says SiL has assured her the other bedroom is hers when she has guests and will only be rented out on a short term basis.

But that’s bollocks. She can’t rent it out short term to save up money (won’t be much in the grand scheme of a mortgage, will it?) then just get rid of her renter/lodger so that it can lie empty for most of the time on the basis that you lot might come to stay.

Your sil is screwed re deprivation of assets if your mil dies in the next 7 years.

Your mil needs to tighten up/renew her will and sort out an LPA. My mil was fine one day, in hospital and suffering from dementia the next after a stroke/fall. If similar happens to your mil, is sil capable of providing correct care full time?

Most of all, you say the house is rural (bet the flat isn’t) so mil can’t walk to shops/other facilities and will be isolated/reliant on sil to take her everywhere? That would be my biggest concern currently.

Hollyhobbi · 19/02/2020 19:50

If your mother in law will be living in the house she's needs a legal right of residence in it.

justasking111 · 19/02/2020 20:45

OP I think it is out of your hands. Mum does not want to make waves house or money wise. Which is her right. You just need to go with the flow and enjoy the time you have with her. If SIL gets everything then it is what it is. Do not let a possible future eat up the present.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 19/02/2020 21:14

So it’s about MiL being misled and not z as bout you staying? Why didn’t you say that in the post? Bigger picture here and you clearly don’t want to spill the beans so there’s no point in this thread.

Casiloco · 19/02/2020 22:12

Wow, the latest updates just make it worse. Whoever has been advising your MIL has missed some massive issues. I'm an IFA and the following are issues:
The will situation, LPA, gifting implications, Long Term care funding and IHT problems should all have been looked at in detail and a plan which took account of MIL's age and vulnerability was needed.assuming your mother was happy to do so, the best solutions would also have been discussed and agreed with all parties - that includes all beneficiaries.

From all that you have said, some pretty shocking decisions have been made without thought for the longer term consequences - get proper professional advice and quickly!

Talkingmouse · 19/02/2020 22:26

Yep, on the facts presented this sounds like mil is being used by sil and is now in a vulnerable position.

How was sil and mil relationship before all this?

Cloglover · 19/02/2020 23:28

Was it the cousin who provided financial advice?

I have to say, the op is seriously sending out mixed messages. Massive drip feeding for a very complicated and worrying situation that just started out as being a bit pissed off as had nowhere to stay at mils.

Sorry to be suspicious, but you aren't painting yourself in a very good light.

Blackbear19 · 19/02/2020 23:58

MIL needs to take legal advice. Proper legal accountable advice. Not just a verbal "yes it's fine" from cousin who can easily deny what he said. Or who assumed that full legal advice would be taken.

She's given a shed load of cash away.
No name on deeds
Nothing to stop SIL selling up and making her homeless.
Nothing to stop Son-in-Law taking half SILs money.

Get her to a lawyer asap and before she sells her flat.

Nomel · 20/02/2020 00:39

Have you posted about this in the past? And it basically came about that you were worried about yours and yours DH share or inheritance?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.