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Original poster

MIL has moved in with SIL but she has no guest bedroom - so how will we visit?

189 replies

NeedASwissBankAccount · 18/02/2020 16:31

My MIL has helped SIL buy a bigger house. On the proviso that's she live in part of the house. I've not seen it yet but it was mine and DH's understanding that MIL would have two bedrooms in her part of the house so our DC - her grandchildren could visit.
MIL is keeping her flat but moving in with SIL.
When DH went to pick up MIL it turned out her part of the property only has one bedroom.
SIL has two DC and their bit has three bedrooms - the fifth bedroom is going to be rented out so they can pay the mortgage.
Thing is MIL gave them a few hundred thousand £s so she could live there.
It's not as if we hardly spend time with MIL. DH myself and our DC often go to see her - several times a year.
Annoyed but knew this would happen...

OP posts:
kingsassassin · 18/02/2020 16:42

Did sil own the house originally or did they buy something together? Presumably if s'il owned the house already mil knew what she was buying into - and would be very unreasonable to make three grandchildren share unless they'd signed up to it. If they bought it, why didn't she see the house before purchase?

IceCreamFace · 18/02/2020 16:43

Sorry didn't see update about her being mislead. I'm not sure there's a huge amount you can do - why on earth didn't MiL view the house and agree which rooms would be hers before going through with the sale?

Drum2018 · 18/02/2020 16:43

Hasn't anyone reminded SIL that MIL was to have 2 bedrooms available to her so that MIL could have guests? If MIL paid a few hundred thousand then surely it's her house too and she should state that she wants to keep a spare room so therefore they won't be able to have a lodger. Was there anything in writing legally to state the conditions of MIL giving the money and moving in?

drivingtofrance · 18/02/2020 16:44

Oh. Just re read your posts OP.

So you think that SIL has mislead your MIL by not giving her more rooms?

Maybe MIL knew about it? Maybe not.
Sounds an intriguing set up though, lodgers and granny annexe.

Original poster
NeedASwissBankAccount · 18/02/2020 16:45

MIL gave money to SIL as part of her inheritance- it did cause my DH some annoyance - but it's her money to do as she likes.
So if SIL's DH can't keep up the mortgage then DH and I will have her live with us. But they've only just bought this place.
To be honest nothing about it makes any financial sense.
The house is in the middle of nowhere and there are no hotels nearby.
Also they had planned to build on the land but it turns out planning authority won't allow building g and a previous owner has a clause which means they have to give a share of profits if they make any money building on the land.

OP posts:
ginnybag · 18/02/2020 16:45

If your MIL doesn't want you to say anything then there's nothing you can so, but it sounds like she's been very hands-off during the process. How did she get to this stage without having seen the property she was investing in?

If she hasn't handed over the cash yet, she needs not to, and your DH (?) needs to be prepared to back up her interests if needs be.

It's not about the grandkids, OP, its about the fact that an elderly woman is potentially being taken MASSIVE advantage of. Does she actually want to leave her flat to go live in one room in this house with three kids, the cash-strapped, over-committed adults and some random?

WinterCat · 18/02/2020 16:46

Since your MIL told she is unhappy with the setup and you are posting on her behalf, which isn’t at all what your OP sounded like, then I think you need to reassure her that you will all still visit as often as before and just take over the dining or sitting room overnight. Otherwise it could be the extra bedroom that is being rented out will be via AirBnB or similar so you can reserve it in advance of when you will be staying so you know you’ll always have a room there.

ineedaholidaynow · 18/02/2020 16:46

Don't want to be morbid but what happens when MIL dies, what happens to her estate, or what happens if she needs to go into a home?

abigailsnan · 18/02/2020 16:47

Whilst I'm sure you could all manage to bunk in when you visit it does sound as though MIL is being taken for a ride I would ask outright how come they need to rent out a room when MIL has put in so many £Ks it just doesn't ring true somehow does it.

kingsassassin · 18/02/2020 16:48

Has MiL actually out in the money yet or is it promised depending on her flat sale?

JKScot4 · 18/02/2020 16:48

If care is needed your Mil could struggle as it could be seen as Deprivation if Assets by the LA if she’s gave £100,000s away.

AryaStarkWolf · 18/02/2020 16:48

Yes I'm more worried she's been misled.
But she doesn't want me to say anything... though told me she's upset about it.
Sorry posting while trying to make dinner.
My DC are 11 and 6 and MIL is 84.

tbf your thread title made it sound like you were only concerned about your guest bedroom :p

What does you DH think (I presume it's his sister taking advantage of his mother?

2020newme · 18/02/2020 16:51

MIL has made her decision and if she has issues with the new set up she will have to speak to SIL. I would stay out of it. If DH wants to speak to SIL I wonder if MIL will say there's been a misunderstanding and she is fine with it.

MIL is 84 so does she require quite a bit of support? How far away is this house? Why do you have to stay over?

There must be somewhere you can stay within half an hour of the house. It will probably be more relaxing than staying in SILS house anyway.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 18/02/2020 16:52

If she sells the flat, where will that money go? Has SIL already earmarked that too?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 18/02/2020 16:52

Why has MIL not said anything about wanting to have 2 bedrooms? It takes a long time to buy a house!

Alsohuman · 18/02/2020 16:52

If care is needed your Mil could struggle as it could be seen as Deprivation if Assets by the LA if she’s gave £100,000s away

Mil still has a flat which she presumably owns outright. Sil sounds as if she’s taken a vulnerable old lady for a ride. She should be bloody ashamed of herself.

ChicCroissant · 18/02/2020 16:55

So your MIL can't have her other grandchildren over to stay in the spare room as she'd intended? I think she needs to raise that with her own daughter and not complain to you though.

rvby · 18/02/2020 16:55

OP you might want to repost this with a title and initial post that actually aligns with what you are asking/what you are worried about.

ineedaholidaynow · 18/02/2020 16:56

Think OP says that MIL is planning to sell her flat

Original poster
NeedASwissBankAccount · 18/02/2020 16:57

For the money MIL has put in - she could have bought a 3 bed semi detached house where we live (in the Home Counties in a commuter town).
She has given SIL the money from a fund she and FIL (passed away late 2018) were saving should they need nursing care.
SIL took the money so she could have a bigger house and MIL move in rather than live hours away (which is a good idea). SIL will nurse MIL if she needs it.
When the flat is sold she told DH she will pay off our mortgage - depending on her financial situation. We are not expecting more money and we are okay financially. Also. We are having part of our house renovated so it's a self contained flat she can come and stay at- the work starts next month. It shouldn't take too long.
MIL does have other income - not loads but FIL had a business and they invested wisely.

OP posts:
titchy · 18/02/2020 16:57

Yes I'm more worried she's been misled.

No you're not. You're annoyed because there's no room for you. That's what you posted about.

Frenchw1fe · 18/02/2020 16:58

Unfortunately this is what happens when there is a lack of transparency.

Also as mil is 84 if she dies in the next 7 years your sil could have a tax bill to pay.

Is mil on the deeds?

Original poster
NeedASwissBankAccount · 18/02/2020 16:59

To be honest I've only just found out about it. MIL not on the deeds.

OP posts:
Kirkman · 18/02/2020 17:00

Are you seriously saying that mil claims to have no idea what the property was like before the purchase went through?

And that, actually, your issue isnt that they have not made provision for you. It's that mil never bothered going and seeing the property? Or find out anything about it or at least things that were important. Like how many bedrooms?

I would never expect anyone to buy a house making sure there was a spare bedroom so I could stay.

Kirkman · 18/02/2020 17:01

So you are having your mortgage paid off AND complaining they didnt provide a room for you to stay there?

Even if mil lives another 7 years, you could still be chased for inheritance tax. You all need to be careful accepting large sums of money.

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