MIL has moved in with SIL but she has no guest bedroom - so how will we visit?

[NeedASwissBankAccount]

My MIL has helped SIL buy a bigger house. On the proviso that's she live in part of the house. I've not seen it yet but it was mine and DH's understanding that MIL would have two bedrooms in her part of the house so our DC - her grandchildren could visit.
MIL is keeping her flat but moving in with SIL.
When DH went to pick up MIL it turned out her part of the property only has one bedroom.
SIL has two DC and their bit has three bedrooms - the fifth bedroom is going to be rented out so they can pay the mortgage.
Thing is MIL gave them a few hundred thousand £s so she could live there.
It's not as if we hardly spend time with MIL. DH myself and our DC often go to see her - several times a year.
Annoyed but knew this would happen...

How long has sil been married? Maybe he's the driving force behind this.

I would suggest to your MiL that she should get her own legal advice. It reads as though your SiL and her other half have had legal advice and they may not have been 100% clear with your MiL about the dealings.
I'm thinking that they are taking financial advantage (could be construed as financial abuse perhaps) of your MiL's good nature and her age so I think it would be in her interest to get her own legal advice on the whole situation, if she hasn't already.

My MIL is staying with us and I've said she needs to speak to SIL. Also MIL does have an LPA in place. She's also taken a lot of advice. She says SiL has assured her the other bedroom is hers when she has guests and will only be rented out on a short term basis.

You can't just lob out a lodger - which is how SIL described what she was doing.... otherwise she would have said Airbnb etc - and with kids in the house, I VERY much doubt she would entertain that.

SIL is bullshitting. you know it, MIL knows it. MIL needs to remove her ££ from this by any means possible.

SIL is greedy as fuck and is taking advantage of her Mum. Yuck. Seeing the same thing happen with a friend and her Grandpa who would swear blue murder she’s just tying to help and doesn’t benefit at ALL. People are so foul over money, especially when elderly people are involved.

So the room isn’t hers then Is it?

I think sil has been awful here. I think your mil has to just cut her losses and move in without you guys when she can.

MIL does have an LPA in place. She's also taken a lot of advice.

So who is named as her attorney? Let me take a wild guess.

What advice has she had about avoiding any issues with care costs later? If the answer is 'it's all fine because SIL will do the care', that is likely to come unstuck even if SIL has genuinely made that offer.

Just to be clear, whoever's named in the LPA would have to know about it and sign forms themselves. So it's not you or your DH, and given what you've said I'd be uneasy about it being SIL. In theory she can be audited and a complaint could be made, but realistically, since no one will even raise the bedroom issue with her, that's not going to happen. Which gives her free reign with MIL's money.

Who did MIL get all this advice from?

Dodgy ....and it all seems to be vague promises and assurances that can be dumped and denied in a second.

You MIL is not being protected her and I would bet this will all end in tears.

Your SIL is going to nod and smile to get this over the line,.....and ye will be wringing yere hands with regret.

It should all be in writing.
SIL will do all the looking after MIL until she isn't......Mil's care could implode in an instant at that age and all you will have to go back on are some vague promises that can easily be denied.

Very naive OP.
Take some legal advice quickly.

I would definitely be concerned with future care it can all change extremely quickly. Saying you will care for someone doesn’t mean a thing if they need professional care. Especially with children in the house. We had a similar situation where my grandmother was living with us. Social services deemed her to be a risk to herself and my children. The house wasn’t suitable for her and she had to go into a care home. All finances were looked at in depth and even though our home was rented in my name they still looked at all money. In your situation it would be seen as assets stripping and your SIL’s house would be at risk. Even if her name isn’t on the deeds they can say she has benefit of it etc.

Care home fees are a red herring. Mil has a flat, the proceeds from which would presumably keep her going for at least a couple of years. Obviously she also has an income which would extend that period. Chances are there would never be any reason for an LA to be involved at all.

What is really troubling, OP, is her daughter’s willingness to stitch her up over the house and possible future mismanagement of her finances if your Sil is the person named on the LPA. It sounds as if it’s time for your husband to take the bull by the horns and try to sort all this out.

If she thought she was going to have a bedroom and then basically a small sitting room/guest room, she is right to be upset. That is the setup my grandmother had when she moved in with a relative and having that extra room was important to her and the rest of the family. Having a bit of living space that was hers that wasn’t her bedroom made her feel like it was really her home and she had someplace she could watch tv or ride her ridiculously old fashioned and loud exercise bike and leave the shared living room available.

Apparently the flat is being sold and being used to pay off OP mortgage as her part of inheritance otherwise SIL has then taken all inheritance. So if there isn’t sufficient pension to pay thousands of pounds a month in care fees it will get very messy.

Just stay at a local B&B, hotel, or Premier Inn. Really don't see what the problem is.

I’m reading that you’re more peeved about the money MIL has given SIL?

Apparently the flat is being sold and being used to pay off OP mortgage

I realise that’s the plan, it can’t really happen now, can it?

Travel Lodge is a very good alternative. Peace, privacy, clean beds, own bath own TV. Bring takeaway to your bedroom. Take mil to breakfast somewhere nice. Very reasonable prices. Stay out of financial shindig. Not really your business. Your dh might speak if your mil wants support but not you. Sorry.

This whole arrangement sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. How competent is the cousin whose supposed to be financially / legally advising her?
The issues with the house, land , care costs, protecting MIL interests should all have been part of a written legal agreement beforehand to protect everyone. The fact no one seems to agree what’s been agreed to should be ringing massive alarm bells
I dread to think how her wills been worded and how safe these so called investments are, I would not be surprised if they were depleteted.....
I think the family needs to get together and get this sorted, not just the house , but care costs , flat, will , power of attorneys asap

This sounds dodgy as......!!!

At that age care needs can change very very quickly. SIL may want her nice big house and lions share of her inheritance now but if MIL ends up doubly incontinent and a danger to herself she may not be able to or want to care for MIL. It which case MIL will go into a home and it will be seen as deliberate deprivation of assets if MIL money dries up. Get your DH to get urgent financial advice for your MIL ASAP before this nonsense goes much further.

It's a bit rich if your MIL thought she was getting two rooms for her large contribution and is now only getting one. They are taking advantage of her reluctance to make things awkward for them and allowing them to make things awkward for her instead. But if the only use she would have put the second bedroom to is your visits I would try to ease things for her by being cheerful and practical about the arrangement yourselves. Your kids can sleep on blow up beds somewhere in the house, and you and DH can go to a hotel and call it a mini-mini-break. Your MIL probably feels most upset about how it impacts your segment of the family, and if you want to help her the easiest way is to assure her that it won't - that you and the children will still come to visit and it won't create an atmosphere between you and your DH and his sister.

I am not sure I would be delighted about a lodger living with my 84 year old mother, but that's another issue.

Hmm is this going to cause problems with wills and things. Surely she should also give you a lump sum?

I'd be worried that your lovely MIL might want any guests to stay, and won't have a spare room. If the deal was for two bedrooms she needs to get them. Also, what is the plan if she dies?

I feel sorry for the mom, greedy daughter in one ear, greedy son in the other.

Most middle class problem ever

Doesn't mean it isn't a problem @littlekerry8