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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL has moved in with SIL but she has no guest bedroom - so how will we visit?

189 replies

NeedASwissBankAccount · 18/02/2020 16:31

My MIL has helped SIL buy a bigger house. On the proviso that's she live in part of the house. I've not seen it yet but it was mine and DH's understanding that MIL would have two bedrooms in her part of the house so our DC - her grandchildren could visit.
MIL is keeping her flat but moving in with SIL.
When DH went to pick up MIL it turned out her part of the property only has one bedroom.
SIL has two DC and their bit has three bedrooms - the fifth bedroom is going to be rented out so they can pay the mortgage.
Thing is MIL gave them a few hundred thousand £s so she could live there.
It's not as if we hardly spend time with MIL. DH myself and our DC often go to see her - several times a year.
Annoyed but knew this would happen...

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 18/02/2020 17:27

If MIL is not on the Deeds what proof of part ownership does she have ?

He didn’t need to OK it, the money’s nothing to do with him.

Alsohuman · 18/02/2020 17:27

Wrong fucking quote. Sorry!!

Thinkingabout1t · 18/02/2020 17:31

I feel for you and MIL, as it looks as if SIL has neatly swiped a large chunk of what MIL probably intended all her children to inherit. I have seen this happening in my DH's family, and as always the mother doesn't want to make a fuss. She must feel hurt. I hope you and the children will still manage to visit.

Bibidy · 18/02/2020 17:32

I'm worried SIL is slowing trying to shut us out and I don't know why?

Tbh I would think that it's more a case of her only really being bothered about how it will work for her own immediate family and not considering you and your DH.

I wouldn't worry too much that there is anything more sinister. It might be worth your DH having a chat with his sister about the whole second room thing though. It might be that SIL didn't realise it was so important to MIL.

Bluetrews25 · 18/02/2020 17:34

Who the hell is going to want to rent a room in a house with a married couple and elderly MIL in the middle of nowhere?
This whole thing is quite worrying.

Ilovemypantry · 18/02/2020 17:36

I’m confused. SIL is having to rent out the spare room in order to pay the mortgage yet was going to build on the land if permission was granted?
How would that have been financed?

GooseberryJam · 18/02/2020 17:45

Massive alarm bells ringing. It's not inheritance tax you need to worry about, it's care costs, which can be recovered at ANY time if the local authority decide that deprivation of assets to avoid paying has taken place. Did your cousin advise about that? Will SIL be prepared to sell her house if that happens? Will you be able to hand back the money MIL is going to give you to pay the mortgage off?

This all sounds very dodgy. Has anything been agreed in writing of this arrangement?

Lippy1234 · 18/02/2020 17:47

It sounds dodgy to me.

myidentitymycrisis · 18/02/2020 17:49

If she agreed to putting in the money on the provision that she would have 2 bedrooms and she hasn't got that, then she has grounds for complaint.

If she agreed to put in money on the proviso that she got to live in the house, then she doesn't

If it is your assumption or understanding of what she agreed to that is muddying the waters then that needs clarifying

Bagofoldbones · 18/02/2020 17:50

Well yeah I’d be concerned about this too. This wasn’t the original deal. Why have they gone back on it and didn’t your mil realise she would only have one bed room in he area - or have they moved her ‘space’ when she moved in?

Also the title of the thread reads really wrong . No wonder your getting snarky comments

AlwaysCheddar · 18/02/2020 17:50

Dodgy! Has she protected her investment at all?

OhCaptain · 18/02/2020 18:04

I'm clearly missing something here but why can't she just keep her flat if she doesn't want just one bedroom?

DH felt it seemed a bit unfair as they appeared to be in a much better financial situation than us. DH questioned why his mum was giving his sister so much money. There were some heated discussions but DH accepted it rather than cause a family rift. Even though he doesn't like it

I have to say I feel a bit sorry for your MIL. Both her children sound really grabby and tasteless around her money.

katewhinesalot · 18/02/2020 18:45

So she pays off your mortgage and then needs a care home when it's all too much for poor sil? That's what I'd be concerned about.
The LA will get their money back somehow so don't spend all your mortgage payment savings.

jessycake · 18/02/2020 18:47

I think if I was your DH I would be taking a trip up there and discussing it with his sister face to face . How big is her bedroom ? will it big enough for a chair and tv and some extra room . Only the one room means getting rid of more possessions or furniture than she thought , Is the place even suitable if she becomes disabled . I would certainly go for joint LPA and also for care too .

justasking111 · 18/02/2020 18:53

What you could do OP is when the flat is sold keep the money to pay for her care fees if and when she needs them rather than paying off your mortgage.

ginghamstarfish · 18/02/2020 18:55

SIL sounds like a grabby cow! So she received a few hundred thousand and also wants to rent a room out to pay the mortgage? Regardless of whether you can stay or not, it needs to be clarified, if MIL was expecting two rooms - surely the house is now partly hers and she should be able to have guests if she wants?

Alsohuman · 18/02/2020 18:56

You’re all assuming that all Mil’s money is tied up in property. She might have £££ invested elsewhere or sufficient income to pay care home fees, some people’s pensions are enough to cover them.

Ellisandra · 18/02/2020 19:01

If your MIL is naïve enough to just give away 100,000s to her daughter without any security on the deeds, I’m willing to bet that her will still says, “split it between daughter and son”.
So I’m going to predict that she dies before her flat is sold, and your SIL happily pockets half the proceeds of that, too.

MrsStrangerThing · 18/02/2020 19:02

Can't you have mil come to stay in your house instead? Will be much nicer than you having to stay at sils, where it sounds like you wouldn't be made very welcome anyway. I am sure mil will love the change of scenario. If you don't have a spare room, I am sure you can move people around to make it work.

MrsStrangerThing · 18/02/2020 19:06

Sorry, scenery became scenario Hmm

DishingOutDone · 18/02/2020 19:13

he's thinking it might be so she can have access to his mum's money

No shit eh? And this man is a chartered accountant?

MountainPeakGeek · 18/02/2020 19:36

No, OP's cousin is a chartered accountant.

SirVixofVixHall · 18/02/2020 19:43

So your MIl has paid a large sum and in return was expecting a two bedroom annexe so that she could have guests , but has been given a one bedroom section of the house, while SIL rents out the room that was supposed to be part of her annexe ?
Very difficult to tackle if your MIl won’t say anything, unless your Dh will help her speak up ?

macaroniandpizza · 18/02/2020 19:50

Your sil sounds like a grabby sod and id be taking mil to go see a solicitor to get legal advice if she feels shes been mislead

GodwinsRulebook · 18/02/2020 19:58

OP - I think YANBU - your MiL is in danger of being taken financial advantage of by her own daughter. Your SiL does not seem to be being open & straightforward about the money, the space made available to her mother, and the care she promises to her mother in return for 200,000 or so.

YOur DH needs to intervene on behalf of his mother - her living & financial situations seem precarious in this scenario.

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