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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is husband being unreasonable about baby's needles

345 replies

bigmamama · 18/02/2020 07:57

Hi so me and my husband are currently at logger heads about taking our 6mo for his needles which is tomorrow.
So basically he has missed his needles as he was poorly when they were due at 3 months old, he was in hospital with bronchiolitis and it just kept getting put on the back burner as he had virus after virus and spent a bit of time in and out of hospital over the Xmas period and was sent for some tests to check all was ok. And it was. so now his needles are due tomorrow and my husband has said he doesn't want the baby to have them as he thinks it will set him back, make him poorly, he's too small, he thinks the government are just trying to scare monger people into having them done etc.
I want the baby to have his needles especially since our 3yo has had them done! I really don't want to take the baby to get them behind his back but he's not budging on this!

OP posts:
Cam77 · 18/02/2020 08:31

Try to reason with him first, you could try along the lines of “yes, I understand you are worried, but we better get them done to be on the safe side”.

Always makes me laugh how people think that the incompetent bunch of fuckwits who run the country are capable of implementing and then maintaining these grand conspiracies. Didn’t he see the state of their election campaigns? The evidence just isn’t there. That said, we could be living in a breathtakingly advanced VR simulator designed by some alien civilization or even our own tens of thousands of years in the future. We simply wouldn’t know. But even if that is the case I’d still get the needles.

Clangus00 · 18/02/2020 08:32

Get them done.
Who cares what OP called the immunisations, we all knew what she meant.

SisterAgatha · 18/02/2020 08:32

Just do what’s best for your child, which is give him lifelong protection against killer diseases. It’s a gift.

Littlemeadow123 · 18/02/2020 08:33

There's hundreds of articles out there proving that if your baby doesn't have his jabs, he might not just make someone else poorly, he might KILL them if he passes something on. Show your husband those.

ginrummy1 · 18/02/2020 08:33

Surely everyone criticising the op for using the word needles understood fully what she was meaning. Absolutely no need to to say she's unreasonable to use this phrase, she can use whatever terminology she chooses. The only thing you've highlighted is the type of person you are, someone who thinks it's ok to mock someone you don't know on the internet. Nice

Spam88 · 18/02/2020 08:34

Does he not think meningitis might set him back more?

I would absolutely get them done behind his back if he couldn't be talked round.

AliceDownARabbitHole · 18/02/2020 08:34

I would tell him you're getting it done and then go do it. Since when does his say become the final say in something like this? It's too important not to get it done.

Cam77 · 18/02/2020 08:35

@worriedmama16
Beyond the Wall is a foreign land to these home county types who think the funny speaking people only exist on the telly

PineappleDanish · 18/02/2020 08:36

Your DH is an idiot who has a very poor understanding of what immunisations are actually about.

goose1964 · 18/02/2020 08:39

My daughter's MiL had a reaction to her jabs and it left her partially deaf, however she still had her kids vaccinated.

If your child does react then the disease would probably kill them

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 18/02/2020 08:40

Has he said when he would feel comfortable having them done?

I’d not go behind his back as suggested, if my DH did that to me on something important like this it would be the end of our relationship.

I’m all for immunisation and agree they should be done but talk to him, get him to ring and speak to the doctor re past illness etc so he’s on board with a date to get them done.

heyjoeyitsestelle · 18/02/2020 08:40

Also call them needles here- north west 🤷🏻‍♀️

SW16 · 18/02/2020 08:40

The fact that your baby has had recent respiratory illnesses (they all do!) would make me even more keen to make sure that they are protected in case his immune system is a bit under the weather.

Is this a recent idea of your DH? What has he been reading?

Giving him Gvt /NHS material to read won’t help, presumably, as he believes they are in on the conspiracy (to what ends, one wonders?) but there maybe something that is clear and understandable from an independent source.

I think you need to somehow de radicalise him from whatever website he has been reading.

Nixen · 18/02/2020 08:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SW16 · 18/02/2020 08:44

Also I would draw up a long list of places you will not take / will not allow the baby to be taken until the vaccinations are done.

If he (thinks he ) has a right to say ‘no vax’ you have an equal right to say ‘no park, cafe, family parties, baby group, MIL house etc etc’ until the child is protected.

See how that goes down.

MitziK · 18/02/2020 08:48

Wow he’s been misinformed but you can’t go and get them done behind his back

Yes, she fucking well can. She's the baby's mother, so can consent to life saving vaccinations - and if he were one of the headcases (like my DD1's father) who tried to take it to court, he'd be laughed at, then told very sternly that he was endangering his child.

heyjoeyitsestelle · 18/02/2020 08:50

@MitziK

*Wow he’s been misinformed but you can’t go and get them done behind his back

Yes, she fucking well can. She's the baby's mother, so can consent to life saving vaccinations - and if he were one of the headcases (like my DD1's father) who tried to take it to court, he'd be laughed at, then told very sternly that he was endangering his child.*

THIS
I don't get people saying she can't do it behind his back. He doesn't agree, I'd do it in front of his face or behind his back, whichever way meant my child was protected. His opinion on the matter wouldn't even come into it.

Yesyesitsme · 18/02/2020 08:50

I love the fact that lots posters are sneering at "needles" but happy for them to be called "jabs" Grin Both just colloquial words for vaccinations/immunisations.

NemophilistRebel · 18/02/2020 08:50

No one should do anything to their child behind heir partners back.

Abouttimemum · 18/02/2020 08:51

Get them done!
We call them jabs round here.

Yesyesitsme · 18/02/2020 08:51

I think a reasonable compromise would be to tell your DH "I'm taking him for his appointment but I will explain his medical history and follow their advice on whether we should go ahead or delay".

heyjoeyitsestelle · 18/02/2020 08:52

@NemophilistRebel
So if he never agrees- what happens?

Abouttimemum · 18/02/2020 08:52

Tell him you’re doing it though of course.
And yeah call them what you want!

Purplequalitystreet · 18/02/2020 08:52

Stop picking on the OP's language! The topic on this thread is too important for it to be derailed by nonsense.

OP I would try to talk to him again and emphasise just how ill your baby would be if he doesn't get his jabs. My DS has just had his 4 month ones and yes, he was slightly under the weather for a day or so. But that's nothing at all compared to how he would suffer if he got the disease.

Does anyone know what the legal position is if only one parent wants them done? It's all very well saying get them done anyway but is that possible if the baby's father also has PR?

Greenandpleasanter · 18/02/2020 08:52

I couldn't risk not having them done OP. Measles is becoming much more widespread and the risks are much greater than any vaccination risk.

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