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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is husband being unreasonable about baby's needles

345 replies

bigmamama · 18/02/2020 07:57

Hi so me and my husband are currently at logger heads about taking our 6mo for his needles which is tomorrow.
So basically he has missed his needles as he was poorly when they were due at 3 months old, he was in hospital with bronchiolitis and it just kept getting put on the back burner as he had virus after virus and spent a bit of time in and out of hospital over the Xmas period and was sent for some tests to check all was ok. And it was. so now his needles are due tomorrow and my husband has said he doesn't want the baby to have them as he thinks it will set him back, make him poorly, he's too small, he thinks the government are just trying to scare monger people into having them done etc.
I want the baby to have his needles especially since our 3yo has had them done! I really don't want to take the baby to get them behind his back but he's not budging on this!

OP posts:
captainamericassexybeard · 18/02/2020 08:11

Get them done!
Never heard them referred to as needles before I wondered what on earth the thread was about Grin

Sammi38 · 18/02/2020 08:11

It’s called ‘needles’ in Ireland i think.

YgritteSnow · 18/02/2020 08:11

Yabu to call them needles the whole way through your post.

No you're not! Made me smileSmile

Just get them done. Not sure you'll be able to hide it though as lots of babies are a little bit under the weather for a few days after. There's no way I wouldn't get them done though.

Fannia · 18/02/2020 08:11

I agree that I've never heard it called Needles before is this a thing?
If your ds is prone to infections then having him vaccinated seems even more important. I would talk to the nurse if you are worried.

PooWillyBumBum · 18/02/2020 08:12

Alienating OP by picking on her use of language is a great way to get your points across...

BertieBotts · 18/02/2020 08:12

It's a regional thing Angelina.

I wouldn't do them behind his back. I would engage with his worries - the illness thing more than the government thing - and maybe make an appointment to speak with the GP or practice nurse if this is a possibility to discuss them.

It doesn't help to dismiss vaccine fears as "idiotic" or "nutty". If a parent was afraid of their child going under anaesthetic you'd be sympathetic, wouldn't you? Even though the risks of anaesthetic are really very small and the benefits of whatever they need the anaesthetic for are generally worth it.

Sammi38 · 18/02/2020 08:12

I knew as soon as I clicked the thread there would be some of the mumsnet brigade pulling the op about using the term ‘needles’.

captainamericassexybeard · 18/02/2020 08:13

I hope it didn’t come across as picking on op! I like the turn of phrase Grin

inicecoldblood · 18/02/2020 08:13

Please get them done even if it causes an argument or you need to do it behind his back.

BertieBotts · 18/02/2020 08:13

"I'm afraid of needles" doesn't usually mean that a person has a phobia of sewing...

FET2020 · 18/02/2020 08:13

I have used the term needles before as I’m from Liverpool. I’m not offended, it’s just a regional difference 🤣

DaphneFanshaw · 18/02/2020 08:15

Grin Bertie.
Op, yanbu.

Namelessinseattle · 18/02/2020 08:16

I can see where he's coming from, babies in hospital is so scary and he's thinking of the short term and not the long term. I'd suggest to him you go to the appointment and you can always change your mind in there, talk to the nurse or whoever's Giving them and ask How will he be afterwards- that should calm down his fears.

DessertQueen · 18/02/2020 08:17

As a parent your job is to do your best to protect your child, sometimes even from the other parent. It’s in your sons best interest to vaccinate against things that will make him considerably more poorly than the few common bugs he’s had thus far.

MitziK · 18/02/2020 08:17

Honestly, just get them done. He's a fucking moron and if he thinks it's a Government Conspiracy to try to stop children dying or becoming severely disabled, well, good on the Government then.

After you've had it done and not told him, just mention that so and so's kid has the mumps and you've invited them round. It's only a childhood disease, after all, and although you've heard that it affects adult male's testicles and makes them swell up massively, hurt like hell and cause impotence/infertility, it's bound to just be a Government story to scare parents.

heyjoeyitsestelle · 18/02/2020 08:17

Hey op- similar situation in that my son spent most of january in hospital. He had a bacterial infection from a bacteria that is vaccinated against and he was really really ill and the bacteria got into his heart . He then got back to back viruses after that.
He's ok now and he's having immunology tests soon.
He had his vaccinations and is due a booster (he's now 1) after all this is sorted.
I suppose the point I am trying to make (to your husband- not you) is that the diseases they vaccinate against are done so for a reason. And some of them are scary nasty bugs I wouldn't wish on anyone. Let alone my own baby.
Please just go and get them done. You don't need his permission. Just go

MrSandmanBringMeABream · 18/02/2020 08:17

Well put it these ways: who do you think you have more of a responsibility towards - your helpless child or your grown man of a husband?

Is it more important to protect your child's health, and potentially life, or your grown up husband's feelings?

If your child is now well enough that your GP is happy to give the vaccinations, for god's sake vaccinate. Don't tell your husband and avoid a row if you like but protect your child

For that matter, protect others, like your own child(!), who couldn't be vaccinated themselves at the proper time due to ill health. How upset would you have been if your unwell baby had caught whooping cough from some other idiot who failed to vaccinate their healthy child because they thought it was 'scaremongering'?

5BlueHydrangea · 18/02/2020 08:19

Ask him what they are for, get him to look up the relevant diseases and then justify why he would rather expose his child to these diseases than protect him. He's already been ill, surely protecting him as much as possible should be a priority.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 18/02/2020 08:20

I don't think it's fair to say people are alienating op for asking where she's from to use the term needles. The person who said yabu for calling them that was obviously just being a knob. But I like to find out where colloquial terms come from because language interests me.

GruciusMalfoy · 18/02/2020 08:21

I just knew there would be people making issue of the OP's choice of words. You all know what she was talking about, it's hardly different to calling them jags/jabs.

OP, I'd go and get them done. Will you feel worse for going behind his back to give your child the best form of protection against the illnesses... or will you feel worse if you listen to him and your child becomes ill? I know what I'd choose.

NemophilistRebel · 18/02/2020 08:23

Wow he’s been misinformed but you can’t go and get them done behind his back

It’s abhorrent that people are suggesting you do that

Should anything happen (which occasionally does) and you’ve lied about it to your DH he would never trust you

lurker69 · 18/02/2020 08:26

I wouldn't go behind his back, I would simply tell him I am going to take our son to have his immunisations. ask your husband for his fact based information for not having them done, I bet all he finds is crap sprouted by antivaxxers.

TheSandgroper · 18/02/2020 08:27

www.immunisationfoundation.org.au/light-for-riley/

Ask him to say a prayer for Riley.

OhTheRoses · 18/02/2020 08:29

I think there needs to be an honest debate between you, your dh, the gp and further reassurance from the lead immunologist. And then hopefully you both agree with the way forward.

DS had bronchiolitis at three months and reacted badly to imms. He ended up under the care of a consultant at The Royal Brompton due to his intractible wheeziness. What the consultant told us was that babies like ds did not always respond well to the rafts of immunisations at an early age but he also said that babies like ds, if they did get pertussis, were more likely to die from the full blown illness than others.

I don't think full information and analysis of all the facts on a case by case basis does any harm.

worriedmama16 · 18/02/2020 08:29

I'm 40, from the North West and my mum and nana have always referred to them as needles.

Get them done!! Can't understand why you wouldn't!

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