Is husband being unreasonable about baby's needles

[bigmamama]

Hi so me and my husband are currently at logger heads about taking our 6mo for his needles which is tomorrow.
So basically he has missed his needles as he was poorly when they were due at 3 months old, he was in hospital with bronchiolitis and it just kept getting put on the back burner as he had virus after virus and spent a bit of time in and out of hospital over the Xmas period and was sent for some tests to check all was ok. And it was. so now his needles are due tomorrow and my husband has said he doesn't want the baby to have them as he thinks it will set him back, make him poorly, he's too small, he thinks the government are just trying to scare monger people into having them done etc.
I want the baby to have his needles especially since our 3yo has had them done! I really don't want to take the baby to get them behind his back but he's not budging on this!

[GEEpEe]

I'm familiar with the term but don't find it particularly positive or reassuring. I think it scares kids.

[AliceDownARabbitHole]

No one should do anything to their child behind heir partners back

And what if he never agrees? You think its better to put the child at risk of harm or death in the interests of honesty?

[Lindy2]

Get your DC vaccinated OP.

Take him for his appointment and the nurse will assess if he is ok to have them done now.

You don't want to be in the position where your poor DC catches a serious illness to prove to your DH that he should have been vaccinated.

I understand you don't want to go behind his back. I wouldn't want to do that to my DH either. However as a mum my priority would be to do the right thing for my child.

[pooopypants]

I wouldn't just 'get them done behind DH's back', that's not how adults have healthy relationships. Imagine if this was a post from the DH and he suggested getting them done behind DW's back.... he'd get ripped a new one


OP - find some stats, figures, pictures, studies, etc. Sit DH down and explain how these diseases are on the rise because of anti vaxxers and how dangerous they are. And also ask him how they were fine for your DC1 to have, but not DC2, that's a bit random.


Also - we always called them 'needles' growing up in Yorkshire, I don't now though.

[heyjoeyitsestelle]

@Purplequalitystreet
Does anyone know what the legal position is if only one parent wants them done? It's all very well saying get them done anyway but is that possible if the baby's father also has PR?

I don't- but I have taken both mine for all theirs and not once has anyone asked about their father.

[LunaLula83]

Get them done. Don't cause another person's disability

[Bezalelle]

INJECTIONS, FFS.

Get them done.

[Hoik]

We say needles here in Northumberland too, even when I was a child they were called needles. For everyone thinking beedles is "fucking ridiculous" and OP is BU to use the term, there is far more of our nation than the particular little bubble you live in and we all have our own turns of phrase. This has been done to death on the Santa/Santa Claus threads where everyone who is Irish, Scottish, or from NE England gets told that Santa is a horrible Americanism when it really is not

OP, I can understand why your DH is worried after your DS being so unwell. One of my DC was in a hospital a few times and it does make you anxious over them getting ill again. It sounds like your DH is just trying to keep your DS safe but is directing that anxiety at the wrong source. Luckily vaccines are very safe and the protection they provide will help stop your DS from catching all manner of horrible illnesses. I would tell DH that he needs these and why, then I would take him for his needles.

[SoupDragon]

Very common terminology when I was growing up in South London in the 1970s/80s.

Never heard it when I was growing up in South London at that time.

Language is weird 😂

[MyuMe]

People in first world countries are weird

People in the third world would give their right arm to protect their children from vaccine preventable diseases and access to clean water, etc.

Some People here think it is trendy to get raw milk, flout modern medicine, avoid jabs.

Just do it op.

Dont tell him

[SoupDragon]

But get them done, OP, no matter what you call them.

[scrivette]

I haven't ever been asked if the Father agrees when having my children vaccinated.

Please get them done, illnesses that you can be vaccinated against are on the rise (there was an article in the news about Mumps at the weekend) as people are not having their children vaccinated.

My children all seemed out of sorts for a couple of days after their vaccinations, but Calpol and cuddles soothes them and they were fine. It would be so much worse if they had the illnesses, surely a day or two of grumpiness is better than actually having a life threatening illness.

Plus there is then the herd immunity issue, protecting those who can not have the vaccinations.

[GEEpEe]

It depends how far the non-willing parent is prepared to go to stop it.

I remember in medical school we were told that it depends on whether the parents are married or whether the father has parental responsibility as it isn't automatically given to fathers. They have to go to court. I think that has changed.

Personally I wouldn't give it to a child if a parent was in front of me and refusing even if another one was giving permission. If want to discuss and hopefully alleviate worries to get people on the same page.

One thing I encourage is to adapt the schedule to the parents comfort. I learned that off of a HV who told me to give them as much control as possible. She aimed for full vaccination by 2 years in these parents.

[SoupDragon]

he doesn't want the baby to have them as he thinks it will set him back, make him poorly,

Not as set back and poorly as if he catches any of the diseases the vaccinations prevent.

[MummaGiles]

A child in my playgroup died from measles in the mid/late 1980s. Vaccinations are vital. They protect those who cannot be vaccinated for complex medical reasons from diseases by herd immunity. Dangerous diseases are on the rise because of the anti-vax movement. People don’t remember how bad these diseases can be precisely because the immunisation program has all but irradiated them. As PP has said, it would be a very expensive hoax by the government to give unnecessary meds to all babies. It’s not exactly like the NHS has cash to burn on such things at the moment 🤨

[Mammyloveswine]

Your husband is being a twat.

I'm sorry but I couldn't be married to a man who actually believed this.

I can understand him being scared but it would be far worse for your baby to get measles... or rubella.. not to to mention selfish for those wiry compromised immune systems.

Roald Dahl wrote about his daughters death from measles.

[MummaGiles]

irradicated* (bloody autocorrect)

[LannieDuck]

Has he come to this conclusion himself, or has he spoken to a dr about it? If he hasn't, I would suggest doing that next.

Vaccinations are either killed virus or weakened virus. The killed ones cannot give you the infection. (Your Dr will be able to advise on the suitability weakened ones for your child.) Isn't it better to get a weakened / killed version of the virus than the full-strength virus?

[Reginabambina]

Does he have any reason to believe that they’d make your baby I’ll?

[OoohTheStatsDontLie]

Does your husband realise there are measles and mumps outbreaks in the UK now? And that measles can kill and if you dont die, the chances of being left with a lifelong disability eg deafness is 1 in 15. Why would he want to take that risk vs the risk of around 1 in a million of a serious reaction to the vaccine?

[Sirzy]

If he refused and the mother wanted it done then unless there is compelling medical evidence to suggest they shouldn’t be done then no court in the country is going to block them being done.

I get it’s worrying especially when your child has already been ill but he needs to look at the long term health of his child.

[MulticolourMophead]

I'd definitely take the child to the appointment and discuss this. They may recommend waiting a bit longer, but you should get the jabs done when the healthcare people confirm it's ok.

And don't let your DH stop you. If he wants to stop you, he can go to court, where they'll laugh in his face. Especially if it's been documented in your child's record that you discussed the best time to have them, due to recent medical history.

[lottiegarbanzo]

Real health risks are more important than one man's irrational fears. (Especially when it's not even his own health he's risking!)

he thinks it will set him back, make him poorly, he's too small He's welcome to talk through his fears with a health professional. They should reassure him. If he's not willing to do that, he can't consider his 'fears' to be all the important really.

[MegaClutterSlut]

Absolutely get them done and all the people saying don't go behind dhs back, I bloody would. People DIE from these diseases ffs why would you not try and protect them

[fishonabicycle]

Your husband is a prat. Please don't call injections/innoculations needles. It's just weird.